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Yet another fretful new mum question

(17 Posts)
smellsofsick Fri 31-Dec-10 18:56:48

I have a beautiful two week old dd and like lots of LOs I've read about on here, she's not so keen on sleeping anywhere but on me or her dad in the day (though likes her pram and is spending more time in her bouncy chair); we also co sleep at night.

My real question is that we've started following a GF-lite routine and while that's ok, I'm considering going back to demand feeding, because of the sheer stress of
being so strict. My real concern is that she might lose her nighttime sleeping routine, which is pretty good. Any thoughts? Sorry this is a bit rambly, I'm just coming out of the baby blues stage and am not quite with it yet!

NewYearNewPants Fri 31-Dec-10 18:59:37

smellsofsick - my number one piece of advice to you is to do whatever makes life easy and pleasant for you and your baby at this stage.

Babies go through all sorts of stages. Their sleeping and feeding patterns can change week on week (which is why I personally think the whole struggle for 'routine' at this early stage is futile),so there is no sense in getting into this 'rod for my own back' mentality at this point.

Enjoy your baby, if demand feeding feels right - do it! Do not beat yourself up, whatever you decide to do!

SlightlyTubbyHali Fri 31-Dec-10 19:04:44

I demand-fed my DD1 (so she was eating about every 2 hours during the day), but kept a bedtime routine in place and did a dreamfeed. I was very lucky; she slept through 10-7 from 7 weeks.

Did the same with DD2 and she was a nightmare at night until she was onto solids!

I think things you do (eg a routine) might help influence your baby's behaviour, but in the end they'll do what suits them an awful lot of the time. So give it a whirl and if things go wrong, adjust again. But bear in mind that whatever your baby is doing right now, she is going to change so fast that in a few short weeks she'll be doing something utterly different. So don't worry about any of it too much.

LesAnimaux Fri 31-Dec-10 19:05:47

I would say demand feed, but also try to go with the GF naps/sleeps.

Teh only reason I ahve any respect for GF is that I demand fed DS1, and he put himself into a routine, which I later leaned was the GF routine. I tried the GF routine on my younger 2, and it didn't work, but I think that was because I was trying to follow it too closely.

As long as your LO is getting a morning nap , and afternoon nap (or two), is going down in the evening and is feeding lots through out the day and and not too much at night, just chill.

The important bit is she knows day from night.

Herecomesthesciencebint Fri 31-Dec-10 19:14:18

wow, 2 weeks is so so so so little!

I do recall in the first weeks of DS1 thinking it had to be sorted here and now else it never would be but looking back its so early! really it is.

Just do whatever it takes to get thru at this age. if that means co sleeping, sleeping on you, in pram etc etc then do it. rest when you can, get help wihen you can and first and foremost DO NOT waste those early precious dats worrying about creating bad habits as its absolute utter nonsense.
They change on a daily bassis at this age and its all about getting to know each other, establishing feeding, and trying, really trying to just enjoy being a parent.

Good sleepers will sleep and bad sleepers wont. If you get the former you get to be smug and claim it was your amazing parenting/routine/GF etc and if you get the latter you can either beat yourself up or accept them for what they are and try and go with the flow! Some babies will sleep thru from day 1 some will take 4 years.

I genuinely feel, and trust me this comes with hard learnt experience, that the biggest threat to those early days and mums mental health, is how much presure we pile on ourselves to 'get things sorted'. I wasted alot of emotional energy and happiness on that and realise now that it all comes good eventually and I could have had a much happier time if Id just allowed things to pan out.

Soory for the long dialogue. My boys are 3 and 6 now and everytime I read a post like yours I want to tyr and make sure no one else falls foul of the desire to get it all right and falls into the trap of imagining you can routine a 2 week old baby!

I absolutely promise you that whatever your little one is doing now, it will be different in 2w time.

Please enjoy your baby, be terribly proud of getting to this point and be kind to yourself xxx

thisisyesterday Fri 31-Dec-10 19:18:09

if she is breastfed then you really need to demand feed.
your supply at this stage is still hormonally driven and it's very important that you establish a good milk supply now.

routines work well for some babies. but with others they just don't.

right now your baby is tiny. she needs no routine, she just needs to be held and fed and kept warm and dry and safe.

don't make things harder for yourself

blackeyedsusan Fri 31-Dec-10 22:04:21

What herecomesthescience bit said.

Don't forget that it is only 14 short days ago (and 14 long nights?) that dd was all warm and cosy inside you, in contact all the time. it will take her a while to adjust. You can't spoil such a small baby. she will develop a routine in a couple of weeks time, you just have to go with her routine, but don't get complacent it'll change again in a blink of an eye.

good luck, relax and enjoy dd as much as you can

blondieminx Sat 01-Jan-11 23:46:08

Demand feeding makes for a more contented baby. I read somewhere (Miriam Stoppard?) that the feeling babies love best is a full tummy and a cuddle (this has worked v well for us, everyone always comments on how content our dd is!).

And do offer extra feeds in the evening to encourage that longer sleep through the night - they can only do longer sleeps if their tank is full!

That newborn stage goes so quick - enjoy the cuddles you can squeeze into a day (sod the housework for a while), feed your baby when hungry and all will be well!

everythingchangeseverything Sat 01-Jan-11 23:47:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clumsymumluckybaby Sat 01-Jan-11 23:58:27

demand feed,
forget gf (but i would say that as i think she is evil )
your baby needs to feed,whenever shes hungry as she has such a vey tiny stomach atm,you can think about routines in a few months if you must.
for now,cuddles,on demand bfing,co-sleeping,and as much skin to skin and sling time as possible is what she needs,and what will make your life alot easier.

we have never had strict 'routines' dd was an awful sleeper,and ds has slept through from day one,he's 4 months old,and is sleeping on my chest right now,in a min i'll take him too bed with me and cuddle and feed him all night long.whilst i sleepgrin

good luck...relax,and everything will be fine smile

smellsofsick Sun 02-Jan-11 18:47:37

Thank you all so much. I really appreciate your considered words. I think I just placed ridiculously high expectations on all of us and had got myself a bit stressed.

I shall work out how the tri cotti sling thing works and really work on just enjoying her. She's so lovely.

Deux Sun 02-Jan-11 19:02:59

If this is any help, I found that my DS didn't put himself into a 'routine' until 12 weeks.

He was demand fed and I just went with the flow. I was completely clueless and whenever he wimpered I fed him. Seemed to work. smile

I didn't cosleep as I was too scared and kept having these awful nightmares where I thought DS had fallen behind the headboard. Even got my poor DH to get out of bed, move the bed and check. DS was of course snuggled up in his moses basket. smile

I was a lot more relaxed with my DD and we coslept, was heavenly.

I have used sleeping bags with both of mine which I think they really liked. DD is still in one and is 2.4. Both sleep really well.

Poppet45 Sun 02-Jan-11 19:20:16

Oh gosh please, please demand feed if you are serious about continuing breast feeding. You listening to your teeny tiny baby when she tells you she is thirsty or hungry is the only way she has of building your supply to levels that she needs as she grows. She builds your supply simply by feeding. The more she feeds the more milk you make. It's genius. A newborn baby has the tummy the size of a marble. A small marble. Your supply grows with her only if you let her tailor it to herself, she knows exactly what she's doing! And if you limit yourself to feeding by the clock then that process is hampered and you'll feel it when the dreaded growth spurts kick in at six weeks then 12 weeks and beyond.
If you're reading Gina or whoever you'll panic thinking your supply must be dwindling because she needs to feed so often but actually it's the opposite. If you just trust her and yourself during those times when she wants to feed and feed (and stock up on cakes and books for yourself and maybe accept some days you won't really get off the sofa) then you'll do brilliantly. Good luck. I'm still loving feeding DS at 16 months but I still remember my worries from his early days.

happylittlebear Mon 03-Jan-11 23:50:54

i did gf for two days then threw the book away for fear of a nervous breakdown like you, ds is my first and i had absolutely no idea what i was supposed to DO with him and frantically worried about getting it right or him getting "bad habits" blush i gradually went with the flow and it turns out he worked it all out for himself. I did whatever i could to make him feel secure - he slept on me, on dp, in his bouncer, in his pram, in our bed, the list is endless until he was ready to be on his own for 1 minute, an hour, a few hours and on and on..... He is now 6 months and an absolute dream to get to sleep, i strongly believe this is because he knows i am here for a cuddle always

cece Mon 03-Jan-11 23:56:40

Demand feed. Do not try to control your baby's feeding and sleepig for the first few weeks/months....

Accept that you aren't in control and go with the flow. Honestly it is easier than trying to make your baby fit into a routine. smile There speaks a lazy mum!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 03-Jan-11 23:59:21

Definitely demand feed. I thought even GF recommended demand feeding for BF newborns these days?

The problem with a routine so early, is all the growth spurts. You will give yourself a nervous breakdown trying to stick to a feeding schedule during one of those

Just feed when she wants to, and enjoy your lovely baby

Cosmosis Tue 04-Jan-11 14:34:46

Definitely demand feed - do you ever not allow yourself a drink because it isn't time yet?

I think there is plenty of time to get into a routine if that's what you want, but you need to recover yourself and also get to know your baby a bit first.

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