Please give me your opinion on this behaviour....

[TheGoddessBlossom]

Hi all.I have no experience in this type of thing (apart from having my own two boys), and would really like to canvass MN opinions.

As I say I have 2 sons who are 4 and 6 so understand how noisy annoying and hard to handle they can be sometimes.

However my best friend's son, who I love dearly and is 3.9 displays the following behaviour:

Does not like hot food - butter for example has to be fully melted onto a crumpet before he would eat it, he won't tolerate seeing any evidence of it
Recoils from being touched, hugged, kissed except on rare occasions by his mum. Has never shown affection particularly.
Hates wearing clothes and will take them off given the slightest opportunity. Most of the time he is at home is wearing just pants and only because his mum insists.
He screams blue murder ALOT.
Throws frequent full on tantrums if he can't have what he wants, proper, lie down on the floor kicking and screaming tantrums, anywhere that he happens to be.
His mum has been told by his pre-school that he is very intelligent.
He potty trained very quickly, day and night.
He loves art and crafts things, one of the few things that hold his attention.
He is very violent, aggressive, hits out at other children and adults alot, and seems very dry angry alot of the time.
He obsesses over characters like Ben 10, despite rarely being allowed to watch it and acts out shooting and fighting scenes.
He is very hyper most of the time, runs around bouncing off walls and furniture, falls over and trips alot.

I know alot of these things are behaviours displayed by most kids at one time or another. But all of them? I think my BF has the patience of a saint, she stands her ground, talks to him calmly, disciplines using time out etc. But I feel for her, she finds it very hard.

What do you think?

[Desiderata]

Sounds like an average boy to me.

[MerryMarigold]

I think he sounds like my ds1's best friend. Just a bit more high maintenance than other kids, and very intelligent (though not G & T or anything). I'm sure things will come out as he goes further up the school. I'd leave it up to them and the parents to figure him out, and in the meantime try to see his good points and love him for who he is. He's just a kid.

[jealousguy]

I think he just sounds like a typical boy - my DS1 can display some of these behaviours a lot of the time. It sounds like your BF is handling it really well and has the patience of a saint

(Btw, you do know me - I am currently masquerading as someone else )

[ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo]

why do you need opinions on his behaviour?

[Desiderata]

Just wondering, but do you and your friend have men in your lives?

It's just that, the sort of behaviour you describe is what men would take with a pinch of salt.

He's just a normal boy, and you're over-thinking it.

[TheGoddessBlossom]

Listen thanks for replies. I have zero intention of suggesting anything is wrong with DS's behaviour to my BF. and I do love her son. Very much. He is my godson. I totally agree that whatever school he goes to will be much more able to identify any issues there may be that need any kind of addressing.

I am sure lots of the behaviours he displays are common. But I know many many small boys and NONE of them act 'the way he does, for as long as he does, as violently as he does. So if anyone has any helpful hints about how I can help my friend manage his outbursts and aggression I'd love to hear them.

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

I know girls like this too! Its not just boys.....poor boys :(

[TheGoddessBlossom]

Yes we are both married. My DH has never seen anything like it and doesn't like my sons spending alot of time with him as they get bashed alot and her DH has no idea how to manage him.

[thisisyesterday]

he sounds a lot like my ds1, who we suspect may have aspergers

i too agree that a lot of the things you describe are normal child behaviour. but there does come a point where you think, actually... this is TOO MUCH. and only you (and your friend) can know if that is true or not

one thing i would say is that if watching thi9ngs like ben 10 etc make him behave more violently then i would cut them out completely.
we've had times when we've stopped ALL television and it's made a really big difference.

[Desiderata]

Well, Goddess, he needs a man in his life.

They understand boys.

[ChoudeBruxelles]

DS is 4.8 and whilst he does alot of the above (very active, into crafts etc) he is not overly aggressive (not violent towards others anyway) and can be affectionate.

Looking at his friends as well I don't think being very aggressive is a common trait. Sure they all lash out sometimes but not consistently.

[Desiderata]

Sorry! Cross post

[TheGoddessBlossom]

Desiderata he has men in his life.... Lots of them....

[hellymelly]

My DD has some of these things-she is slightly younger, but assessed as at least a year ahead of her age group,and a monster tantrummer.She is much girlier though,very loving and kind when not having a nuclear tantrum,and just very easily frustrated.a lot sounds fairly typical for three to me.I also think that very clever children make particularly tricky toddlers,as they are so aware of their own shortcomings,and get angry when they can't manage what they expect to( in my DD's case the fact that she can't draw like Michaelangelo etc).He may have other issues,hard to say from what you've written,but I would think at his age that if he was on the autistic spectrum then his parents would be aware that something was different about him.What does your friend think?

[garrowismylaw]

He needs to be assessed for ASD, etc by a professional. obsessional behaviour along with the violence sounds like Aspergers.

[hobbgoblin]

Highly Sensitive Child perhaps? Google for the book by E Aron

[Alouiseg]

Not "just boys" at all. Sounds like a complete nightmare!

[mariagoretti]

What does your friend think? It sounds as though he is hard to handle, but being managed very well. Clever kids with the more subtle special needs usually ARE missed at this age, especially if their mothers can compensate. Many mums are so busy blaming themselves for the difficult behaviour, that they don't realise there's actually a real problem. On the other hand, lots of preschool age boys have a challenging temperament and are very high-maintenance but grow out of it during infant school.

If your instincts as his godmother are telling you something is up, perhaps post on the SN section, and then have a chat to your friend.

[mariagoretti]

123 Magic (course, book or video) approach works very well for many challenging children, with or without problems. Lots of schools use it as well. The highly sensitive child, the out of synch child, raising your spirited child are all good books too. My only concern would be that your friend might perceive helpful suggestions as indications that people think she's caused the behaviour.

I wouldn't suggest relying on the school to notice if anything's up. Mums and godmas are bound to be more perceptive than even the best teacher with 29 others and a national curriculum to worry about.

[FellatioNelson]

Glad you said that Alouiseg! Boys do pay rougher than girls, as a rule, yes, but they don't all physically attack people, including adults and they aren't all obsessive! Funny boys some of you have.

He sounds a likelt cndidate for ADHD or ASD to me. Either that or his parents are weaklings who allow themselves to be manipulated by him and the poor child cannot process his own confusion over lack of boundaries and woolly discipline.

[FellatioNelson]

Sorry, that made no sense whatsoever. I'm v. tired!

[fuzzypicklehead]

I would also suggest that ASD is a possibility. It's the non-touching, non-clothes wearing behaviour that suggests to me that he may have some sensory processing issues. But it's very difficult to tell these things.

[allam]

My DD is 13 now.She was diagnosed with ASD in 2006. When she was a little girl she did't like to wear clothes at home, very hyper climbing furniture in the house (sometimes I thought she could fly because she would climb really high furniture, she had no sense of danger ), potty trained really fast day and night(never wet the bed,ever),lots of temper tantrums specially in busy places,etc...
Think that mother should ask for advice.

[Heroine]

well - a friend of mine said that her boys were like this - one dyslexic - her remedy was long walks with loads of extra tasks for the boys ..eg 'you have to get two trees ahead of me NOW or person who finds the biggest stick wins...basically tiring them out. If intelligence is the thing - then a lot of his anger will be frustration at things being repeated over and over again for the stupid kids, lack of conversation at his level and seeming inanity of topics. Read some books on managing intelligent kids and you will see similar 'symptoms' especially trying not to wear clothes (its about being so intellectually bored that you try the oposite of what 'normal' people do, and also the attention he gets when doing it is extra and more stimulating).

I knew when i started reading that you were going to say 'described as intelligent' becoming specifically and all-encompassingly interested in Ben 10 even though you think this is a bad thing could be your key - this fixation until a subject is exhausted is normal - and ben 10 has loads of supporting stuff that you can use to soak up this desire to know everything about it - for comparison see how later intelligent kids get into seemingly endless hobbies like 'proper' comics (where the storylines are virtually endless) and later these kids often pick 'impossible' subjects, politics, maths, etc where there is always a new opinion.

I would wean through ben 10 get him exhausted with it, then wean him onto other related topics at a higher level than you think 'should' be appropriate and see what happens

[mathanxiety]

Well if this is a 'normal boy' my DS was definitely very strange as a young child.

Does this boy have undiagnosed food allergies or chemical sensitivities? This might explain taking off his clothes and the pickiness about food, maybe even the tantrums and aggression.