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Siblings without Rivalry

(15 Posts)
tryingtobemarypoppins2 Fri 17-Dec-10 18:28:45

PLEASE tell me this book will work! AH!!! Just 3 year old, is being vile to 10 month old, takes every toy away from him, shouts at him to go to the naughty corner blush
and pushes him out the way. Today he throw a toy and hit him! I was so cross. Put him in time out but TBH I was so cross I didn't feel this was enough punishment. What would you have done re hitting his brother??

Any tips before I put my 3 year old on ebay?

Themasterandmargaritas Fri 17-Dec-10 18:39:34

Three is the worst age, they are much better from 4 onwards. smile

They can't quite properly express their frustrations so they often express themselves through hitting, squealing and whining.

We do a lot of 1-2-3 and if the behaviour doesn't stop after getting to three it's Time Out time.

Good luck, how long til he turns four? wink

PurpleMiffy Fri 17-Dec-10 18:43:11

oh I feel your pain. I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old. They have just started fighting and it is driving me insane. I would be grateful for ANY tips. He is driving me over the edge sad

tryingtobemarypoppins2 Fri 17-Dec-10 18:57:06

12 looooooooooooong months Themasterandmargaritas (uncontrolable sobbing smileys!)

The thing is at 10 months DS2 can't really play WITH DS1 only alongside and DS1 just sees him as breaking everything. On the other hand DS1 takes EVERYTHING his baby brother for no reason! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, hurting him today made me sooooooooo cross!

Themasterandmargaritas Fri 17-Dec-10 19:39:25

Let's weep all together. <TMAM thanks her lucky stars she only has another 5 months to go>

Ds whacked his friend in the pool and gave her a nose bleed blush. He also totally has his 6 year old brother under his control.

I'm not offering any solutions really am I?

mamsnet Fri 17-Dec-10 22:07:55

Don't expect miracle solutions from the book, though.

I have loved it and it has definitely helped, but it's more a long term approach than a troubleshooter.

sazlocks Fri 17-Dec-10 22:12:43

Feeling your pain OP and others - I have a very nearly 3 year old and a 10.5 month old and have the same issues. Poor old DS2 continually gets toys snatched away from him and shouted at and occasionally barged and pushed over - totally intolerable. DS1 just about makes up for this behaviour by spending time cuddling DS2, making him laugh and generally being a sweetheart.

NorkilyChallenged Fri 17-Dec-10 22:13:29

Noooooooo, I don't want to hear this. DD2 is a nightmare at the moment (she's 2.7), dc3 is due when dd2 turns 3 and I'd been telling myself it would be better. Gah shock

Tgger Fri 17-Dec-10 23:05:50

Errrr, not much advice but to say sounds very normal! It sort of settles down when they both get a bit older, maybe 3.5 and 1.5, only to get worse again as the terrible twos kick in for the younger one... well that's what's happening here.

DD wasn't very mobile until 18 months- bottom shuffled until then and not that much (!) so we got off lightly in that respect but still had fun times.....

SkyBluePearl Fri 17-Dec-10 23:09:17

I've ordered this book but am yet to read it. Mine do OK mostly but we are expecting a third and I think it will be much harder this time round.

LeninInExcelsis Fri 17-Dec-10 23:43:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zalachenko Sat 18-Dec-10 00:01:02

The key things that work from the book are:

1. Praise every second of good behaviour that you manage to spot: "I love the way you two play so nicely together." or "I love it when you help your little brother, you are so kind." Then go on and on to dp about this marvellous moment as if it had been happening all day and let him praise the older one like mad as well. Be specific: He picked up ds2's cup for him!!!

2. Never ever ever ever say anything but nice things about your kids within their hearing. This involves some fibbing. Friends will ask you, with kids present: How do they get on? You MUST say: ds1 really helps me with ds2, I couldn't do without him; etc. And also: ds2 adores ds1, he copies him all the time, and learns so much from him. This kind of stuff can be said thru gritted teeth, but said it must be. You can always phone your friend later and fill in a bit more of the truth. Because of course you risk sounding like the perfect parent with perfect kids, lol. But it's necessary for the kids' self-image.

I have done those two things and got dp to do them, and it has really paid off. I have also rung friends and explained later!

It works in the way that affirmations work, only probably better given that they're kids. If the older one constantly hears that he is a really, really good older brother, he will live up to his reputation.

You do feel it's bonkers at first, though. Totally counter-intuitive.

LeninInExcelsis Sat 18-Dec-10 18:49:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chunkamatic Sat 18-Dec-10 22:32:54

So glad I found this thread as just posted similar in the parenting topic. I can't believe I've hit this phase just as it looks like we are about to be snowed in for the next 3 months!!!

NotNowBernardImStuffingTheBird Sat 18-Dec-10 22:37:50

I've nearly finished 'How To Talk'

OMG, talk about light-bulb moments

Mine get along well so no real sibling rivalry stuff (yet, anyway)

But I would whole-heartedly recommend HTT

Put it this way, it got me through a Christmas shopping expedition with my 7 and 4yr olds and baby-in-buggy, ON FOOT all the way, in a freezing and snow laden packed city centre...

I think I used most of the skills grin

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