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Very 'physical' little boys

(6 Posts)
Unprune Sun 05-Dec-10 09:54:20

I have a ds who is 7. He's madly cuddly, and we've got into a bit of a cycle that isn't so great.

Basically, he's always been 'physical' - little kids are. But he goes too far. As an example, if he kisses me on the cheek, he lunges in, making me pull away otherwise I'll likely get nutted. I don't want to be pulling away from my child, obviously that's a bad signal for a parent to be giving.

Another example: we'll be having a cuddle and he'll be leaning a jabby elbow on my boob. I'll tell him to ease up a bit and he'll instead push down a bit and cuddle in harder. So I'll have to push him off (and he's quite big now), which makes me feel awful. I feel like he's doing it to get attention, even negative attention, but tbh he does get lots - I mean, we're cuddled up in the first place reading a book or chatting or something lovely.

He's now coming to me and soliciting cuddles and kisses, as above, just as I am doing something like carrying a hot pan of water - it's like he is asking for rejection or something, and it's making me very sad.

How can I stop him from physically throwing himself at me, from push push pushing me in a way that makes me have to physically reject him, effectively? It's vital that he respects people physically and he has been given this message for years now.

NeverendingStoryteller Sun 05-Dec-10 11:18:57

Will message you with a response

colditz Sun 05-Dec-10 11:23:27

Ds1 is like this - he has a sensory processing problem meaning he seeks physical pressure, such as hugs,. squeezing, throwing himself onto cushions.

Try spending 10 minutes a day squashing him with love. LITERALLY squashing him. It might help him.

Naetha Sun 05-Dec-10 12:39:59

Neverending storyteller if you could post your reply, I'd be grateful, because DS (nearly 3) is like this as well and it's driving me mad (not to mention covering me with bruises).

WilfShelf Sun 05-Dec-10 12:50:11

We have three very physical boys. WE have half an hour 'wrestling' time after tea and before calming down time. There are rules such as: no knees, elbows or heads in the way; no squashing faces or pressing faces into things, and especially no faces on cushions etc; bigger people have to allow for their strength in relation to smaller people; there is a codeword which when someone says it it means 'stop and get off me immediately'; if someone is crying, it means they're not enjoying themselves so others have to notice this; they must keep away from walls and sharp corners.

Apart from these rules they're free to beat the crap out of and dump each other as much as they wish. And after half an hour of it, they're ready to stop and calm down. Works brilliantly and they love it when DH joins in too.

Unprune Mon 06-Dec-10 09:22:42

Ah thanks everyone.
He's a lovely little thing, don't know why he doesn't learn to stop (he seems able to learn facts and skills, but has always, always struggled with physical impulses).
Will try the wrestling. True enough we don't do that and iirc it's a big deal for boys in particular.

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