delicate subject!

[delicate]

ok I will start with the proverbial I am not a troll. Have been a long time lurker and poster and remember GF, Lavender and many forms of, red rug, bat, knicker elastic etc etc.

I have for the past month or so been helping a friend out with babysitting her 9 year old ds while she has been at work and giving him his tea, helping with homework etc as her dh has been away.

Fortunately today is the last day. I haven't noticed before today but today he had his hands permanently in his pants rummaging around. Yes, I realise all perfectly normal in the privacy of your own home but not with your mums friend sat there. I tried very hard to ignore it but I felt very uncomfortable especially when the deep breathing started . He was on the sofa and I was the furthest away possible in the dining area.

After a while I just said to him in a joky way, have you got a rash or something?! Come on, please finish up your tea before it gets cold etc etc. It's not my place to make an issue of it. But later when he still hadn't stopped I blurted out, leave yourself alone, it'll drop off. I know I know, not my place and i'm not sure he heard me. Well I told his mum what I said and she said good, i'm glad you did. I said she shouldn't worry, it's normal and she said is it?? Anyway, she wasn't cross but I thought you never know who could be around when he's doing it again. Sorry I hope this doesn't sound suspect or anything it just made me feel really really uncomfortable. So glad I don't have to go again. Did I do the right thing? I had to stay in the room, there really was nowhere else I could go.

[delicate]

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[booyhoo]

it is normal. if you were uncomfortable you should have just stayed in another room (why did you have to stay in teh same one?)or asked him if he wanted to go to his bedroom for privacy. it was his home. i am very glad she wasn't cross. there is nothing to be cross about.

[singalongamumum]

Sounds like you handled it absolutely fine to me. Maybe saying it'll drop off wasn't the best thing, but at 9 I would expect him to know you didn't mean that literally. He needs to know boundaries are different with different adults.

[RuthChan]

I think you did the right thing. I certainly would have said something to him. It didn't need to be aggressive or over the top, light-hearted would have been fine, but he needs to know that it is not acceptable to do that in front of people.
I'm not surprised it made you uncomfortable!

[delicate]

thanks, I said it in a joky way, not agressive at all. He certainly wasn't upset. I say the same thing to my dd too, not it'll drop off obviously, usually you'll make yourself sore. She hasn't done it for a while now, or not that i've noticed anyway.

I couldn't leave the room really, they only have one room, kitchen/living/dining then it's bathroom and bedrooms upstairs. I could have gone to the bathroom but felt it was best to stay put as I wasn't sure what i'd come back to and also didn't want to spend all afternoon there!.

[delicate]

the thing about going to his bedroom for privacy, I didn't want to acknowledge what he was doing, he may have just thought I thought he was scratching himself or something

[delicate]

oh and I meant the mum wasn't cross with me, I wouldn't expect her to be cross with him though I think she should tell him to go to his room in future.

[Acanthus]

It was his home, but someone was there so he had crossed the boundary of what is acceptable. He needed to be told that and I think you handled it fine.

[delicate]

thank you I feel better about it now. I know I shouldn't have said what I said but just couldn't think of anything else at the time.

[booyhoo]

ah, i misunderstood that part. i can understand taht with someone else's child it is hard to know whether you acknowledge what they're doing or pretend you don't know. for me I would have no problem with a babysitter or whoever was minding dses to say "that's the sort of thing you do on your own." and encourage them to do it in private but you just never know what way otehr parents might react to you doing that so igusess you did teh right thing.