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Co-sleeping 7mth old does this spell trouble for the future?

(18 Posts)
karney Mon 29-Nov-10 19:22:05

My Dd hates her cot and screams each time she is put down to sleep. We have tried numerous ways to comfort her before putting her down and we have left her to cry for a wee bit to see if she will settle but it always ends up in an almighty screaming fit. We are exhausted and have ended up taking her into bed with us for the last week just to get some kind of sleep. She was in a cradle up til now which she was quite enclosed in and the cot seems to be alien to her. MIL seems to think we are creating a monster by letting her sleep with us,she says it's gonna be impossible to get her back into her own bed. Anybody co-slept with baby and not had this problem? we don't know what to do we are soooo tired sad

SilveryMoon Mon 29-Nov-10 19:27:27

I really feel for you, it's hard enough without a baby who doesn't want to sleep alone.
I personally think you should ignore your MIL and do whatever your instinct tells you to do for your child.
FWIW, I never did co-sleeping with mine and still have my 3yo climbing into bed with me. He is very good at it and I don't tend to notice until the morning.
I have started now taking my 22mo straight to my bed when he wakes through the night just to get some sleep.
I don't think it really matters, I remember being a child and climbing into bed with my parents (although had to be careful not to wake Dad or I'd be shot!), and it's not like your dd will be 15 and still sleeping in your bed. Ok, she might prefer it now, and it could possibly have an effect on your sex life, but tbh, if it's easier now, I'd just do it, and tackle sleeping alone in a few months.

You can get something to restrict the space in the cot, I'll look for a link for you

wannabeglam Mon 29-Nov-10 20:31:46

I co-slept with mine from 6 months to 1 year. Only way to get any sleep! I had to sleep train them out of it, but I knew at a year they were ready for it. Follow your instincts. Your MIL isn't in your shoes.

StealthPolarBear Mon 29-Nov-10 20:34:38

Well it's a 'problem' in that you'll have to deal with it sooner or later but it might not be too bad, and if it means you get sleep now then well worth it IMO. We slept with DS when he was older (maybe 8 or 9 months) for quite a few months, he is now 3 1/2 and has been sleeping in his own bed for as long as I can remember.
DD is 14 months and has co slept since birth - from about 5 or 6 mo she starts the night in her cot but is in with me at first wake (although in the last few days I have tried being awake enough to put her back to see if she will sleep through the night). She will get there, and in the meantime, we all sleep.

karney Mon 29-Nov-10 22:04:51

Thanks Ladies I,m off to bed now and kinda dreading putting dd in her cot (she's asleep on the couch blush. I,ve got to the stage that i am just glad to get a break and let her sleep. Think i will just let her sleep in bed with us for a wee while longer. Feel just too worn out to tackle anything else just now. Have a ds who is just 2.4yrs. Thankfully he is a great sleeper (better not tempt fate thoughwink)

Goingspare Mon 29-Nov-10 22:17:48

Has you MIL mentioned rods and backs?

I slept with DD1 from sometime in the night until morning, 9 months - 15 months (she was fine in her cot before that) and DD2 all the time from 0 - 6 months.

DD1 started waking and crying for me later and later until it was morning anyway (dodgy period when she was waking up at 5am); DD2 gradually became ready to go down on her own.

Get some sleep.

ClapTrap Mon 29-Nov-10 23:36:54

DD aged 2.7 still co-sleeps. We got rid of our bed frame and put two mattresses on the floor so that we all have enough room. Of course MIL and my mother have said their piece. We won't be swayed, it is our choice and is right for our style of parenting.
Many non western cultures co-sleep until the age of 5. 'Three in a bed' by Deborah Jackson is worth a read if you want to proceed with co-sleeping.
We had ideas about how we would move our child to her own bed when the time was right, however she is has pre-empted that and is now asking for her own big girl bed. We are over the moon and we will support her to make that transition. It was unexpected, but lovely that she made the decision herself. None of the drama or pesky 'rod' that my mother had prophesied.
btw I am pro-co-sleeping, but also pro-choice. You have to do what id right for you and your family and sod your MIL wink

Showaddywaddy Mon 29-Nov-10 23:44:04

We coslept for ages. DD moved into a bed when she wanted to. Never any tears. She loves her bed, sleeps all night in it. You do whatever feels right for you as a family. And decent sleep sometimes feels really right. I wanted dd to see bed and sleep as comforting and lovely, not something to fear through loneliness. She moved when she was ready.

But you all have to want it. Whoever is sleeping in the family bed. DH was perfectly happy with the arrangement. In fact he misses cosleeping more than I do.

ClapTrap Mon 29-Nov-10 23:58:53

Just had a play with this

They want £8 for a full assessment, but you can answer the questions and get a rough idea about whether your child has a SAL issue. Interestingly they ask whether your child can pronounce f or s in any position within a word.

I co-slept with all of mine (well semi co-slept, they'd go in their own beds until the first time they woke then they'd sleep with me) They're now 12, 10 and 7 and only one who still comes in is DD, mainly because she gets nightmares and she likes to snuggle up with us at 5am grin The older two gradually stopped as they hit around 18mths and finally stopped waking at awkward times.

domesticslattern Tue 30-Nov-10 00:28:57

It will be impossible to get her back into her own bed, says MIL? Does that mean that she will be in your bed when she is 18?

FGS. Please ignore her. Do whatever feels right to you.

My regular co-sleeper went straight from our bed to her cot, absolutely no problems at all. We just had to wait till the time was right and she was very settled and happy.

It helped of course that she is a very good sleeper in our bed- still and quiet!- if she jumped around a lot then I probably would have been tougher. Also DH didn't mind- he loved to have her close! They grow up so quick....

Oh, and just lie to your MIL. She has no need to know the truth. It generally makes it easier all round.

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Tue 30-Nov-10 10:41:04

To echo others do what You feel is right. Ds is 9m and sounds like we are in a similar situation I feed him to sleep downstairs, lay him on the sofa, then take him up with me and we co sleep.

It isn't a problem for me so that is what we do.

I trust he'll grow outof it.

If he dosent and it becomes a problem I will deal with it then, when it is a problem...rather than when someone else says it will become one

On another note if youu don't wan to co sleep... would the crib your lo was in fit inside the cot for a while while she gets used to the cots position? Then maybe take away the crib when she's fats asleep so she wakes up i the cot? Just a suggestion...

SUMARIE Tue 30-Nov-10 13:51:17

just echoing do what you feel is right, went searching on mumsnet for same reason as you, my dd is 7 mos, co slept from birth as was bfeeding and got caught up in 'sleep training' after talking to some mums in pilates. But now having done some other reading, decided my instincts are just fine, and made up my mind. There is another topic on co sleeping that had a had a good link to a Mumsnet webchat: nderstand-how-co-sleeping-works

I've decided to do "combination bedsharing' and PUPD. And will never again attempt controlled crying (it was just too awful for me, personally).

DownyEmerald Wed 01-Dec-10 22:12:11

Sleep for all of you is more important than where you sleep.

Lie to your MIL, or just change the subject.

You could try an Amby that is a bit more enclosed - my dd liked it for naps, but not for all night!

AngelDog Thu 02-Dec-10 22:07:34

MoonFaceMama <waves> do you go up to bed fairly soon after getting your DS to sleep? IIRC Deborah Jackson did something similar and I couldn't work out how it worked - doesn't the LO rouse from the first cycle, realise it's light & exciting and refuse to go back to sleep for the next couple of hours? Or does it depend on having a baby who doesn't wake up after every cycle in the evening? hmm

I'd also recommend reading Three in a Bed if you do decide to co-sleep.

I co-slept with DS at 6 weeks, stopped at 7 weeks, started again at 4 months, stopped at 7 months, started again at 8.5 months and he's still there at 11 months, and probably will be for the forseeable future. I only evict him when he gets easier to settle in the cot, then he returns once he finds it harder to sleep. It's not caused any problems so far. He goes go in his cot till I go to bed, though.

gourd Fri 03-Dec-10 11:06:53

Our 12 wk old went into her cot in her own bedroom at 3 weeks old, mostly 'cos she'd outgrown the Moses basket in our room, but also 'cos she hated the basket - we think it was 'cos she couldn't see out of it. We'd been sharing a bed at night because she wouldn't sleep in the basket, but we started putting her in the cot in the day time, and playing with her, or leaving her in it a few minutes whilst we were getting warm water to do a nappy change, then we'd use the cot for day time naps before we tried it at night. She has cot toys and musical mobile in the cot so there is something for her to look at. We also used baby sleeping bags since birth so she was in her usual sleeping bag which might also have helped. The transition from our bed to cot at night just happened without any protests after getting her used to it during the day so that and using the same bedtime routine and sleeping bag must have worked. I had thought she might need a rolled up towel around her to make the cot seem smaller and less scary but she wasn't bothered about the larger space so we didn't need to do that but that might also help. You can also put a top you have worn in the cot snuggled around her so the cot smells familiar and she feels secure.

gourd Fri 03-Dec-10 11:15:45

You could also try putting her in cot but not leaving the room at first, and talking or signing to her, then maybe leave for a few minutes, then for a few minutes longer each time and see if that works. She needs to feel secure and happy in there, so playing with toys in the cot during the day might help - this definitely worked for us. Also try leaving familiar toys in at night and familiar smells (something you've worn or even a breast pad) and think about familiar sounds too. Maybe leave a radio or soft music on? You haven't said if the cot is in her own room or in yours, but if she's used to hearing music, the TV, your voice or your breathing, she might not be able to settle in a silent room.

Rezimezi Mon 06-Dec-10 17:43:50

Mine is 6 1/2 months old, we co-slept in the first 5 months until I bought a co-sleeper cot, started moving her over to her bed when she was asleep, waking in the cot. Also put her in the cot to play during the day. She got used to it easily. My problem is that I have fed her in bed lying down and now she is addicted to my boobs, won't go to sleep without them. But that's a different issue. Sorry, but MIL is wrong about co-sleeping. Mine (MIL) keeps telling me I'm spoiling Dd and should let her cry it out. I haven't even thought of taking her advice.

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