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sum advice please

(7 Posts)
mammam79 Mon 29-Nov-10 16:37:40

my little man keeps playin up at school and i dont know what to do. He is six an a half andthe teachers are at thier wits end with him as am i. We have stopped ps2 and dvds as a punishment but made no difference...what else can i do?

MumofJTM Mon 29-Nov-10 18:47:59

Try and find out why he's misbehaving. Has anything changed for him recently? new teacher, new child, stuff at home that might have unsettled him? Do you think he wants more attention than usual for some reason?

How long has it been going on?

Positive reinforcement works too - I'm a teacher and children respond well if they think that school and parents working together. Could you have a reward system that operates at home AND at school, so he's getting same rewards and same expectations all day?

Just some ideas!

mammam79 Wed 01-Dec-10 15:50:22

Thank you for your reply. The school and i are working together to put a behaviour chart in place. No new stuff been goin on but thier are some strong overpowering children in his class who all contribute 2 each other misbhaving. I feel at times its ds who is always the one who "gets caught". The schoiol have really chopped and changed ds around and have been wondering if this is a factor...they tell me he is not nasty just very silly..one went as far 2 suggest i take him to the doctors n c if there was anything wrong with him...this really upset me

MumofJTM Thu 02-Dec-10 11:51:51

Been thinking about you and your little man.

Doc's surely a very long way down the line - there are lots more things to try before we start doing things like that. . .

He's very little to be "chopped and changed" imo. He's likely to be unsettled by simple things at this age, like changing working group, moving up a level in reading or sitting with someone different. Big changes like teachers, classroom assistants or environments can be much harder to cope with.

Here are some things I thought of - both as a teacher and as as a mum. No offence or patronising intended, just some ideas, that I'm sure you're doing already.

Praise the good behaviour, however small. No big deal, just "well done, X, thanks for that, or "good lad, thanks for sitting nicely. Ignore as much of the behaviour that you don't like as you possibly can! Reward chart in place with school will definitely help that.

Can he tell you why he's playing up? Maybe there's something the school has missed - it's sometimes easily done in a busy classroom. Does he feel that he needs more help and this is his way of trying to tell everyone. Maybe one of the other kids is really winding him up. He might be able to articulate what's going on in his head. Ask him how he feels when he's misbehaving and getting told off. Might give some clues?

Make sure that you reassure him that it's the behaviour that you dislike, not him. I've seen little ones his age get in such a state once they start playing up cos they think they can't stop, cos they've blown it with mummy and daddy and everyone hates them now anyway. Obviously not the case, but doesn't hurt to remind them. He should be old enough to understand the difference between himself and his behaviour as two seperate things.

Don't know if any of these ideas might help? As I said at the start, don;t want to patronise you, just want to help.

reikizen Thu 02-Dec-10 11:59:48

Don't forget to reward him lavishly when he does do something good, to remind him what you do want him to do. Really go over the top and try to find any excuse to praise him so he remembers how good it feels 'How brilliant of you to eat all your food/put your clothes on/ remember to breathe. It makes mummy so happy & proud when you are good and happy' etc!

dracschick Thu 02-Dec-10 12:18:13

I have 3 sons and trust me ds2 has had more than his share of days like this smile.

Your ds is 6 and a half,hes still very small if the peer group hes in is misbehaving then he will copy their actions.

School should and probably have taken steps to address this within the class ,positive oraise and breaking children into smaller groups,streaming childrens work so they are 'stretched' can all help.

At home you can remind him how he is behaving and how you would expect him behave,teach him empathy a very hard skill to learn when so young how difficult it is for the teacher to teach if they mess around.
At this is he probably wont get actions and consequences so some sort of reward chart will help by reward I dont mean a physical material reward things like making buns after school because his teacher was pleased with him today will help,drawing pictures together watching films,talking whilst you walk all help build up the self esteem and the identity of who he wants to be.

I know it all sounds very earthy and yooghurt knitty but it works trust me smile.

mammam79 Thu 02-Dec-10 20:36:17

thanx so much for all your advice and i will be following it. mumofjtm patronised is the last thing i felt, so helpfull a teacher and a mummy to give me some tips.

The school kept him in the same classroom they had done nursery in with 9 other pupils when they all went up in 2 year one. We were told that thiswas to help build thier confidence up with the full time nursery teacher.

We did find it strange that as soon as another year one teacher was found that the pupils were moved to another class. 4 months later they began year 2 with another class and teacher. He was split from all his friends then made new ones then put with another set in year 2. Now i am not a teacher but do feel this was not the best thing for him.

I do feel the advice let him know its the behaviour and not him i dont like is great not something that has occured to me before.

I will be trying the advice given thank you

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