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3 yr old continually pinches my neck when tired out of sorts poorly or needs comfort

(15 Posts)
springchik Sat 27-Nov-10 21:19:45

This may sound funny to some but I can assure you it isnt not anymore anyway! I used to think it very sweet he's done it since he was a baby. He sucks his thumb snuggles right up to me and pinches my neck. Just my neck he doesnt do this with anybody else. However the older he gets the less I want him to do it. He pinches it hard now and it really hurts sometimes. I have red marks and scratches all over my neck and I'm trying to stop him without much success. He hates me wearing necklaces and tries to pull it off saying he "needs my neck!" If my dh tries to pick him up for a cuddle he says "no daddy I need mummys neck I'm tired"! When I try to remove his hand from my neck he say no mummy I'm tired. He has a teddy he's very attached to especially when he's tired so I try to get him to cuddle that but he just cuddles that aswell as not instead iyswim. Anyone any suggestions?

springchik Sat 27-Nov-10 21:35:17

Any ideas/suggestions?

DrSeuss Sat 27-Nov-10 21:37:02

Sorry, no. My DS developed a thing where he HAD to hold a piece of my hair to soothe him, even when I was driving! Never found a way to stop him wanting it, never found a substitute. He wanted my hair! After a year or so, he grew out of it. Not much help but there it is.

mathanxiety Sun 28-Nov-10 03:20:39

My DD1 did this too! I never encountered anyone else whose DC did this. She would snuggle up, sucking her fingers, and pinch me on my neck, in about the same spot every time. I was a bit worried because I have a small mole just there and sometimes she pinched the mole... It lasted until she was about 4 and I started wearing turtlenecks or a scarf, and at the same time she started preschool and her life got busier and more of a social whirl. Until then, I tried to keep her nails nice and short, and I filed them after a trim to keep the edges 'softer', as well as rubbing lotion into her hands and nails.

You may be in for a longish haul therefore.

Annoying though it was at times, I missed it when I realised she hadn't done it for a while. hmm

(While pinching my neck she used to also flick the middle of her upper lip with the ring finger of her left hand (she sucked the index and middle fingers of her L hand) and this habit took a long time to stop, and lots of vaseline on her lips.)

RockinRobinBird Sun 28-Nov-10 04:16:02

My dd is doing this as I type. We co-sleep and she has to pinch skin when she's tired. We've had many conversations about why she shouldn't do it and that it hurts me but it hasn't stopped her. I'm also covered in scratches etc and if there's a spot or mole etc she makes a bee line for it.

mathanxiety Sun 28-Nov-10 04:55:41

I remember wondering if some fabric to roll between her fingers instead of the skin of my neck, satin for instance, would have helped. Something that could occupy her fingers, with a grain in it... Never got round to trying.

TanteRoseAliveAndKicking Sun 28-Nov-10 05:43:27

My DS used to put his hand down the back of my shirt and pick at my back....confused

a friend's DC used to squeeze her earlobe..

he will grow out of it.

HeathcliffMoorland Sun 28-Nov-10 14:53:43

I recommend just plain old-fashioned not allowing it.

When my DS was 2.5, he used to pull at my clothes (namely the neck of my shirt) for comfort. I found it unpleasant, as I have eczema at the back of my neck, and it was destroying my garments!

I first told him to stop (explaining why, and warning that I'd put him off my lap if he didn't). If he didn't, I put him down. From time to time, I physically removed his hands from the clothes. He soon learned not to do it.

I felt a bit mean at first, but to be honest he was hurting me and that's not on. I mean, if he was going around slapping for comfort, I would stop it sharpish.

It's not fair on you. I really hope you manage to sort it.

DrSeuss Sun 28-Nov-10 14:54:20

At least it's better than my friend's boy who retained a fascination for her boobs long after he was weaned! She used to say that his hands went so far down, she could swear he was trying to pull up her knickers!

clarabella18 Sun 28-Nov-10 15:21:23

My ds used to twirl his fingers through my hair every night to get to sleep until he was about 3. He still does it now on the very odd occasion either to mine or his own hair and he's 8 and half!!!!

DrSeuss Sun 28-Nov-10 21:18:13

Joseph, aged nearly 5, just held my hair till he went off to sleep. Is it a monkey thing?!

springchik Sun 28-Nov-10 21:53:17

Not the only one then! Have tried discouraging him from doing it but he gets so destressed and insistant and starts to cry no mummy I need your neck I'm tired!

CoonRapids Sun 28-Nov-10 22:04:31

My DD sucks her forearm and likes to have a bit of my tummy to play with when she's tired. Actually she's less persistent on the latter now she's turned 4 but for sometime I had a sore, scratched tummy. I tried not to make a big deal of it, just distract her if I could but sometimes, it was irritating.

Curlygirly Sun 28-Nov-10 22:14:54

My DS is 5 and wraps one of my hairs around his thumb then sucks his thumb. He used to come up to me and pull a hair out of my head which hurt and really made me mad. He stopped that and now picks them off my clothes or the floor. Yuck!

HeathcliffMoorland Sun 28-Nov-10 23:21:49

But he is scratching your neck. There are actually marks.

Would you allow him to kick you for comfort if he got distressed when you wouldn't allow it?

Playing with hair is one thing. Scratching and pinching is not harmless.

I'm not trying to be a dictator or anything - I just hate to think you're allowing yourself to get hurt and feeling guilty about trying to stop it.

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