How would you describe your baby in those first few months?(26 Posts)
I only ask as i currently have a 4 week old, my second child, and im not sure if me and my partner are deluded or if we really do have a hard baby compared to most others.
Everyone tells you that newborns just sleep, eat and poo...they cry when somethings up i.e. boredom, hunger, tiredness etc. both my babies seem to have a few good days and nights but then, last night went like this - she woke at 8:45pm when i only got her down at 8:15, cried and cried untill 12:45am when she finaly gave in and i got her off to sleep.
tonight similar situation, she woke around 7:30pm for her bottle, and at 8:30 untill now (11:20pm) has been crying in pain and only stops to either drink or when i bounce her up and down. shes fallen asleep on me 3 times tonite so far but 2 minutes after puttin her in crib she wakes and cries again. is this normal? or do we have a harder than average newborn?
I feel like im constantly moaning about how hard my life is and wondering if i need to have a wake up call if this is how all babies are in those early months??
im currently typing with one hand whilst holding her and after reading through see ive missed a few points - the crying spells are due to wind, shes always seemed to be a very windy baby and like tonite will hunch up or stretch out her legs in pain and often strains a lot too as if constipated but shes not as her poos are fine whenever she does one.
I love her to bits but its so hard to stay patient for up to 7hrs when i am surving on 4hrs sleep a night due to getting no rest in the day because of my 2yr old. just looking for some moral support stories to keep me going i suppose.
Poor you. Have you tried taking her to a cranial osteopath? It can make an amazing difference.
My dd2 did go through a patch where she was crying if she was awake and not feeding (and she didn't have long feeds, either!), which was quite hard. But it didn't go on for all that long (I think. Bit hazy due to sleep deprivation and being in denial about the whole thing at the time)
It will get better even if you do nothing, but in my experience osteopathy is definitely worth a try.
dd1 - terrifying. i had no idea what to do with her. she was a colic/ vomit baby too. didn't sleep at all during the day. at all.
ds1 - fed every 2 hours 24/7 until he was 10 mos and i stopped bf. he weighed a ton and was a spectacularly sick baby. he had double pneumonia caused by rsv at 11 weeks and we had to nebulise him 5 times a day, which he hated and fought and fought. it was frankly horrible.
dd2 - terrifying. she spent the first 5 weeks in scbu as she had no gag/ swallow so was ng fed/ needed suction to keep her alive. when she did develop a suck/ gag, we had to feed her only at night, as during the day her muscle tone was too high to manage breathing and swallowing at the same time (so aspirating/ screaming/ chest infections etc) anyway - so fed her only at night, and had lots of med appointments. she got a bit easier (or i got used to it) at about a year. she has cp.
i have to say i largely find small babies a bit of a bind. they deprive you of sleep, and scream and cry. i love my children dearly - even the one/s who made me sob uncontrollably for hours lol. i particularly find hibernating and expecting nothing for the first 4 months or so is the only way i can cope. it's so much more difficult with siblings too.
be kind to yourself as far as you are able!
this too shall pass and all that!
It sounds like colic, try some infacol or colief ,or possibly gripe water, whichever works for you. Laying them tummy down across your lap & rubbing their backs sometimes helps as well.
Poor you, I really feel for you. 2 out of my 3 had colic & it was living hell at the time
If it is colic, then try to remember that it doesn't last forever. (not easy when you have a newborn that has been screaming constantly for hrs on end. I know ) Nearly all babies have grown out of it by 6 months.
Sounds like you are doing well to me. My first two didn't let me put them down in the first place until about 12/1am. DC3 was a bit easier and went down at 9/10pm. Those early days are very very hard - I think it's nature's way of stopping the world from getting over-populated!
Is it possible the formula isn't agreeing with her? some sort of dairy allergy?
or she might be colicky or just v windy.
She sounds at the tough end of normal!
I couldnt put my DD down at all until she was about 8/9 weeks old, unless she was totally out for the count. She wouldn't go in the pram on her own until she was 9 weeks, so the shopping went in the carrycot and I carried her in the sling!
She lived in a sling till she was about 8 or 9 weeks, and I would very gingerly take the sling off from round my head and lower her down into her basket and hope she wouldn't wake (but she often did!)
At night she slept on me/by me in bed till she was about 3 months.
I think some babies come programmed very strongly to think "do not let them leave you on your own AT ANY TIME!"
I think maybe this is whats going on with your DD - as well as cold, boredom, hunger, tiredness, nappy, another need is not to be alone.
PS she is 18 months nearly now and very independent!
OP - it sounds really normal to me.
I would forget trying to get her down in the evening for another few weeks. Prolonged evening, 'colic-y' crying and cluster feeding is totally normal at this age, and trying to fight it with a bedtime routine is only going to lead to more stress. Just go with it, as painful as it is!
I started bed time routines with mine at around 8 weeks, but even 10-12 weeks is realistic, if you have a more colic-y baby.
It doesn't last forever!
Forgot to say, I second the cranial osteopathy. Sometimes birth squashes their heads and makes lying uncomfortable.
If you are breastfeeding, I think evening feeding stimulates hormones involved in increasing milk supply, so that will be part of it.
DD1 was a real evening screamer. She used to cry almost non stop between about 7pm and 10.30pm (even if I was feeding her she would be pulling on and off and screaming). She would finally pass out at some point and usually sleep for about 2 hrs, before waking, feeding, failing to settle and screaming for another 2 or 3 hours (by this time of course it was early hours of the morning). DH and I were at our wits end, one of us was constantly up with her in the night while she screamed and the other would be desperately trying to catch a tiny bit of sleep with ear plugs in. Then suddenly at around 6 weeks it started to improve, she settled after feeds, stopped the endless screaming and ended up sleeping through the night very early. So hang in there, hopefully it will all start to improve a little bit over the next month or so. Do you use a dummy? I did find that this helped a bit.
DD2 and DS were not like this at all. They woke for feeds in the night every couple of hours then went straight back to sleep, it was a complete revelation to me that not all babies scream non stop like DD1 did as that's what I had expected. So no - not all babies are like this, but it will pass, hopefully very soon.
ds - never cried much but never slept either, very alert
dd - only 9 weeks, evenings were v hard work with her being up from 4pm - 1am every time until about 6 weeks, she cried, grizzled, played, smiled, dozed, woke up etc. she is generally a sleep eat and smile baby now though
DS screamed non stop (colic) Never slept for more than 40 minutes at any time & had to be fed on demand as he was such a hungry baby .
DD was great , slept the night through from day 1 & was a very content baby .
Sounds normal Look into the colic thing and cranial osteopathy, try a different brand of milk, get a good sling, perhaps give up on trying to put her down to sleep? My DS never would be put down at that age. I carried him or had him in the sling, or occasionally he might sleep in the pram or car seat with continuous motion (bliss) Very boring and hard work in retrospect. I think when it's your first you just get on with it in a way, because you don't know different, but if you've previously had an 'easy' baby it must be harder!
dr browns bottles - if ff
aptamil comfort - if ff
DD did the same until 6 weeks and then started to sleep for 5 hours at a stretch at night, first time she did that, i had to check she was ok and hadn't stopped breathing.
didn't like sleeping in her own bed for aaaaaaaaaaaaaages
still wakes sporadically, you get used to the sleep depravation!
walk about with a sling, means you can get on and do things whilst they snuggle, found it easier to watch tv and still be able to move when i had her in the sling/carrier too..
second what kingbeat said, DR brown bottles and cow and gate comfort were like a magic cure for DS
two words would describe my now adorable young boy at that age .....
Relentless Slog !!!
my second baby was a nightmare - he never slept for longer than an hour or so at a stretch. For many months. I was a miserable wreck. It was only that I had managed fine with my first that gave me the confidence to soldier on....it was the baby that was different, not anything that I was doing....
Hang on in there.
Thanks for all your support, i feel so much more normal now after reading all your comments and hearing how others struggled with similar situations too.
We had our 3rd bad night tonite but after last night i recovered pretty well as she did a 6pm till 11pm stretch of crying, she just woke for a bottle at 12 and has gone back down - thought i would come on the net for a while to make sure she has gone back down as it kills me when she wakes me just as i drift off!
I feel much more positive about it all today, and strangely enough i sort of feel a lot closer to my baby after holding and comforting her from the pain so at least something good has come out of the situation i supose!
Regarding the tips, i changed to Dr Brown bottles a few weeks back and put her onto Aptamil comfort about 5 days ago but they dont seem to be doing much to help, i did hear about using fennel tea which i tried this week but after a bout of diarreah i stopped it incase it was the tea causing it.
Also tried infacol, dentinox and the latest colief drops none of which seem to have any significant effect so i guess i just have to ride it out and comfort her through the crying episodes to keep her calm.
4 weeks down....we will get there im sure. And then it will all be worth it.
you have to keep going with the aptamil comfort and the infacol, i didnt really see a change for about a week when i was using them, and if you have been changing the colic drops give them about that time to start working.
With regards to the fennel tea, you know yu can also put it in the bath water as well don't you, almost like aromatherapy. let it steep in the bath before baby gets in....
glad youre feeling better about it all....
oh yeah and i found those vibrating rocking chairs from fisher price were great too...popped her in and rocked it with my feet in the end she used to bounce herself in it.
Yeah, sounds normal to me!! I've only had one baby but that was about the size of it. Some babies just scream and scream and scream and from what I can tell, there's just not much you can do about it, then they stop.
Here's what we tried: infacol (didn't work), cranial osteopathy (didn't help), me cutting out dairy products (DC was breast fed. Didn't make the slightest bit of difference), homeopathy (useless, but also painless and cheap), doctors (waste of time). What did seem to help was me walking up and down the room, bouncing him up and down whilst singing The Grand Old Duke of York ad nauseum.
He grew out of it a few months later.
DS1 was nicknamed 'Fractious' by us - cried nearly all the time for months.
DD2 didn't get a nickname - was much more manageable for the first few weeks and then became a complete nightmare as silent reflux took its toll and she got to the end of her tether.
My mother-in-law had 5 children - 4 were 'angels' and one was a 'monster' (number 3).
There's always a reason IMO. My first was worse than my second, but I think part of the reason was that once he started crying he just couldn't stop - he had no soothing reflex, on top of his silent reflux. My second also has a calmer personality than my first.
Ignore anyone who says it's anything to do with you. It's not!!!!
dd: a screaming, crying, insanely demanding milk monster at night, cuddly and sleepy during the day as long as she was upright (reflux)
ds1: pretty laid back but fed enough for 3 babies
ds2: difficult, he was in SCBU for 5 days which made me quite precious about him and although he was a pretty chilled baby in general feeding was hell
Infant Gaviscon worked for my DD when she had colic back in her newborn months. GP-prescribed stronger medication worked for my friend's colicky baby when Gaviscon didn't work.
Colief, Infacol and Gripe Water didn't work for us.
Also - lots of swinging helped (in an automatic swinging thing) - she went out like a light in a Graco swing and stayed asleep.
Tight swaddling worked.
Also loud shushing in ear to calm her down.
Loud white noise.
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