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DD's behaviour - should I be worried?

(11 Posts)
singarainbow Thu 25-Nov-10 15:40:04

My DD (aged 7) while watching children in need saw a child who was paralysed from the waist down, on oxygen etc at night, a really young girl. DD came out with "shes not a child in need, look at all the stuff shes got". shock

On went the programme, my DS (aged 4)was sat crying about a girl being bullied because of her disability, and DD got up, left the room and came back dressed as "lady gaga".

Now this would be midly amusing if it weren't for the fact that she genuinely doesn't appear to care about how anyone else feels. I thought it would get better with age, but it hasn't. She comes across as cold and uncaring, and seems to have no idea of how her actions impact others.

I am really worried that there may be something "wrong", or is it just the way she is?

Mustbetimeforwine Thu 25-Nov-10 18:01:10

Well obviously nobody can tell you if there's something wrong for sure.

At 7, yes I would probably be a little concerned at the lack of empathy. Is this really all the time or do you think maybe she has a sense of humour and likes a bit of attention ie dressing up like lady gaga. I think you need to really think about a situation where she has shown sympathy for somebody else other than herself and think why then? I think if a 7 year old has never shown empathy before then school would have discussed it with you. I'm assuming that hasn't happened.

It could just be that she will always be a little selfish and she just needs reminding more why certain things are hurtful etc.

Remember though, ALL children start off selfish, but then it becomes a mixture of nature and nurture as to what speed they learn all those sorts of feelings. All children develop at different rates. She may be in her late teens before something kicks in. I know I was very selfish until I was probably 17 or 18. Don't know what happened, something just clicked I guess.

I'd have a chat with the school anyway and see what their view is.

Good luck. Hope that sort of helped.

BelleDeChocChipCookieMonster Thu 25-Nov-10 18:04:03

Children all develop at very different rates, this includes emotional development. If there are other signs such as social problems at school, unable to maintain eye contact etc then I'd get her checked. Ds's empathy didn't kick in until he was about 10 though, I wouldn't worry unless there are other aspects of her behaviour that are also a concern. She may benefit from looking after a pet though.

IslaValargeone Thu 25-Nov-10 18:06:26

What cookiemonster said.
I have an 8 year old, and the empathy gene is only just starting to emerge.

cory Thu 25-Nov-10 21:11:48

It may not be a lack of empathy; it could be that she actually feels acutely uncomfortable and that's why she has to behave in a silly way.

singarainbow Fri 26-Nov-10 18:22:15

Thanks all.
She has alwys been like this, but maybe she is just selfish and will eventually grow into a more loving ans caring person. We have had al;ot of behavioural issues with her, that we have discussed with the school, but they don't see it. They don't have her down as difficult at all.
Cory, you may be right, maybe she doesn't know how to express her sadnes for others, and then acts inappropriatley??

PixieOnaLeaf Fri 26-Nov-10 20:47:26

Message withdrawn

singarainbow Fri 26-Nov-10 22:40:37

Pixie, shes not really good at talking about how she feels, so its a bit of a guess. Sometimes I have to just try and "read" her, like when shes really upset and I go i for a hug sometimes she just falls into my hug and sobs, or pushes me away, shes not very affectionate.

PixieOnaLeaf Sat 27-Nov-10 09:58:30

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PercyPigPie Sat 27-Nov-10 13:51:51

I wouldn't call it 'selfish'. Children just aren't able to consider others when they are very small and even at 7, they will mostly be concerned with the here and now - not what is happening elsewhere.

Like others have said, if she is 'normal' in other respects, I'd not worry.

FreudianFoxSquishedByAPouffe Sat 27-Nov-10 14:00:00

It is probably just that she's a bit late developing that skill. Or possibly very mild autistic/aspergers tendencies? But don't freak out about it, it's just a thought based on your posts (without knowing anything else about her)

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