Really upset over clingy baby - please advise/reassure!!(14 Posts)
Hello, not posted on here for a while, but I'm absolutely reaching the end of my tether over my clingy baby. She is six months old, and beatuiful in every way. She is the most pleasant natured baby, and does nothing but smile all day. Until another person other than me/dad/big sis comes into her sphere of being, and then all hell breaks loose.
I can honestly say that she has NEVER smiled or not become hysterical in the presence of another person. As soon as anyone looks at her she wails and does not stop until they either leave, I remove her, or she tires herself out crying and passes out! She goes puce and frequently vomits.
I can't think of why this is - nothing has ever happened to make her behave this way, and I struggle to recall when it all began. She has always been 'for mummy' but it really has crept up on me. She's ok with her Dad and sister, so I have that to be thankful for I guess.
Today has been awful. It was her Christening and she literally howled the whole day. Poor little thing seems terrified. In the end I just came home with her and left everyone at the reception.
I feel like shit. A few people asked if I'd seen my GP about it, and I heard loads of people saying 'all she does is cry'. I feel so protective of her - it's not her fault is it? She's so lovely, but people don't believe me I know it! Some days - like today- I feel like I'm going mad.
Can anyone tell me if this is 'just a phase' or if there is anything I can do? No one wants to look after her for even an hour or so, so that she can get used to other faces so that's not really an option.
Please help, am gutted.
It sounds like you've had a stressful day. Christenings are notoriously stressful - dealing with a small baby, organising everything and having loads of family members who you see once in a blue moon commenting on your precious baby. No wonder she protested today!
Do you have a sling? Maybe you can get her used to being in a sling, and then when you and her are in a large group of people, just keep her attached to you, don't let her to go other people (especially not near strangers), and just provide her with a lot of reassurance?
Have a sling, used to work a treat - nut she's also a bit of go-er and is crawling, rolling, pulling up etc etc, and now hates being in the sling- makes it worse if anything!
It almost certainly is just a stage. Most kids get clingy and develop stranger anxiety towards their first birthday - some just do it earlier than others. (It is not necessarily a bad thing either. It shows that she has developed good attachments to you, your dh and her big sister.) There's a theory that stranger anxiety and clinginess is nature's way of keeping babies safe - they won't wander off to be eaten by mammoths etc.
I'm not sure forcing the issue will do anything other than create a very stressful experience for your dd and yourself. Just keep her close and ignore any rude comments. She may end up a shy child in the end, she may not. But giving her reassurance is exactly the right thing to be doing now.
Very common to hit terror of new people at 6 to 9 months ime.
Miserable for you, but really it's just a phase. You don't need a GP, she will grow out of it, be kind to yourself.
... or she tires herself out crying and passes out! She goes puce and frequently vomits....
Don't you think that for a 6 month old baby, being left to cry until she 'passes out' could be the very reason she would not want to let ou out of her sight and sees any stranger as a potential threat as in making you leave her?
Babies don't do reason...
Sling is a good idea.
OMG rollmpos - that is so unkind. I never 'leave her to cry.' She just will not be pacified, even if I carry her out of the room. When she gets like this I'm hardly going to leave her on the floor or in her chair am I?? What a horrible comment. Thanks you just made me feel even worse.
I don't think that Rollmops meant anything bad by her comment. She understood that you left her to cry - and it is not clear from your post that you don't.
Fwiw, it is not unusual for babies of that age to cry when they are around strangers. Try not to worry too much about it, keep going out and exposing her to other people and hope it passes soon.
Rollmops I don't think the OP has said she leaves her baby to cry alone somewhere.
Sometimes babies scream hysterically even when you are doing all the 'right' things - eg cuddling, talking soothingly, taking them away from the situation. A screaming baby isn't one that has necessarily been abandoned to wail alone.
OP rollmops has clearly misread - don't feel worse because someone has jumped to a conclusion.
Does distraction work, COB?
It may not pass for a couple of years (sorry!) ds was like this. He wouldn't cry till he vomited thankfully but he was never sociable.
Even now he is shy and a bit clingy. He is nearly 7. He has been introduced to plenty of people over the years. We went to toddler group when he was younger and I can safely say he hated it. consequently I found it stressful and didn't enjoy it. So it became a vicious circle.
however he does enjoy school (once he's entered the classroom ), and he has a secure group of friends, and seems quite sociable. So its not been a hindrance.
in retrospect I wish that I could have been much more relaxed about his clinginess, ignored all the comments, and tbh, not stressed about trying to make him something he isn't. We would both have been happier.
so my advice is to ignore the buggers and just enjoy your baby as a baby.
Thank you all. I'm a bit sensitive as you may be able to tell. TBH, I don;t mind her clinginess at all - I quite like it! DD1 , who is now 3 has always been v, independent and hated having a cuddle, so it makes a nice change! What really upsets me is that people can;t see what a wonderful little person she is, she really does light up the room(when she's not crying/puking etc!). Oh, hope she settles soon little love
My dd went through a stage a little similiar to this and i remember feeling the same as you. She would scream if anyone other than me or my dp would hold her and she would always look at me to rescue her. She is 10 months old now and she definately has grown out of it but still looks unhappy if an unfamiliar face holds her or if someone has a loud voice or moves in an abrupt way towards her.
Im sure it will pass and its just a phase and i understand how you feel and off course you feel protective over her. I can't stand hearing my dd upset even now. I just gave my dd plenty of reassurance and at times i noticed she was better if she saw i was relaxed. Easier said than done sometimes!
One thing i did use to do was hold my dd but have the person she screamed at sitting next to me so she could see them but not feel frightened or threatened by them. I would ask them to ignore her to begin with and then very slowly start to interact with her by using a favourite toy. Once i and my dd felt comfortable i would sit her inbetween us and then eventually on their lap but only at her pace. There's nothing wrong with saying this to people, if they are worth knowing they will understand that your dd just needs a little more time and patience.
It will get better and its not your fault its just very distressing at the time.
OoH elp - what good tips! Thanks I'll definitely give them a go. It's funny you talk about your DD looking at you to rescue her- mine does exactly that and it kills me!!
I know my dd definately knows how to win me over. Good luck i hope it helps.
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