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Losing the will to live with 8yo. Please help!

(3 Posts)
Julezboo Sun 14-Nov-10 18:11:14

I am fairly certain he has dyspraxia. He is also diagnosed with dyslexia. He was born 9 weeks early but other than asthma which he has now grown out of he seems to have suffered no ill effects.

I am having trouble getting a referral to a consultant though.

If I list the points we have noticed maybe you you can help.

1. He never sleeps, I will put him to bed at 8pm, he will still be pissing about close to midnight. No matter what we do, reward him, shout at him, sit with him, he just will not sleep.

2. He eats like a hamster, this is a relatively new thing. It could take him 30 minutes to eat a small biscuit. Dinnertimes are a nightmare. He never gets through his lunch at school because he nibbles his food and doesnt have time to finish it.

3. He still cant tell time, tie laces, get his shoes on the right feet, often puts him clothes on back to front or inside out.

4. his memory is very poor. For example, each day he takes in the same items to school, bag, lunch box, drinks bottle. Every single day I have to send him back in for one or more items. On a few occasions hes told his teacher he has forgotten his lunchbox, only for it to be found. Letters never come home, because between his teacher givinghim them and walking to his bag he loses/gets distracted and it disappears. Another example. If Isay to him, go upstairs pleaseand get me me your school jumper, by the time he gets to the top of the stairs hes forgotten.

5. He does all usual naughty things kids do, but the most recent things is emptying the whole toilet roll into the toilet and blocking it (despite bing told off and punished for this 4 or 5 times within a week he did it again yesterday. Same for shampoo's/bath stuff, he tips them all into the toilet or bath, knowing full well he has been punished for this hours or days earlier.

6. His writing is very poor, still reception like, big, capital letters and no spaces.

7. He cant ever sit still, unless the TV is on and then he goes into a whole other world where we have to turn the TV off before he will answer us. Other times when TV is off he is constantly moving, legs, arms and hands flapping.

8. He is still at this age petrified of the hoover/toilet flushing/ bath draining noises and gets quite upset if we dont warn him.

9. He has been assessed by LEA and found to have dyslexia and poor auditory processing ability.

We are at the end of our tethers, I dont know what to do to help him sleep, he has nightlight and blanket still. I dont know what to do to stop him from doing the same naughty things over and over again. He is still like a baby in lots of ways, always spilling drinks or food down himself. I am getting genuinly worried about he he is going to cope with secondary school.

We have bought him easy grip pens, memory games are played with him, We bought him a crtain wii game to help him with his co0ordination but none of these things seem to be helping him. Parents evening last week was so sad I came away gutted, its a bit like they are saying, hes a boy, he has all his knowledge in his head and will happily talk for houra and hours if you askhim but he cannot/will not make that tranfer from his head to the paper. His books were very empty compared to other childrens books and I know we shouldnt have looked, but we did, we needed to know. He had like 2 or3 pages full from the beginning of september.

I dont know what to do or where to go from here. DH has suggester a tutor for his hand writing but tbh we cant afford it until April next year when Iam childminding again and have had this baby (DS3)

Can anyone offer any advice at all please? I will post this in SN as well

allthatglisters Sun 14-Nov-10 19:03:36

Sounds like he has elements of things on the autistic spectrum (I think dyspraxia is on the spectrum too) e.g. fear of noises, odd eating. My DS has diagnosis of Asperger's but tbh it was kind of given as a convenient label for school to understand etc - in reality he has an odd mix of things which could be from other conditions on the spectrum.
I also have 3 children (DS was the 3rd) and childminded throughout and looking back it was really really hard so my advice would be to look at reducing your expenditure/get money off relatives if poss. rather than working as you will have your hands full. Decide on an age at which your DS's development is (or diff ages for diff areas e.g. speech, emotional development) and treat him as such. You will see that he WILL make progress. You have to be quite strong in not comparing DS to others of his age as there are pressures from wider family etc for children to conform to what they think of as normal. He will develop strengths and interests of his own given time.

moajab Sun 14-Nov-10 22:43:27

Hi I'm no expert but I do also have an 8 year old DS. He was born at term, has no health problems and is considered very able for his age. So I'll go through your points and say where they seem normal for age, where could be related to dyslexia and where there may be some other problem!

1. - My DS also does not sleep. He goes to bed 8.30 but if he's asleep by 10 that's a very good night. Usually he's still awake when i go to bed at 11. He will often lie awake chatting to himself. he was never a great sleeper but it was starting school which seems to have triggered this and four years on we have no solution.

2 The eating sounds different. My DS, although very fussy, eats like a horse. As you said it started recently could something have triggered it - an illness, being told off at school lunchtime etc.

3. Possibly related to dyslexia or dyspraxia, but I'm not an expert. Many children, including my DS, can't tie their shoe laces thanks to invention of velcro

4. Boys that age can be very absent minded and I often have to send my DS back for things he's forgotten. But my nephew was diagnosed late with dyslexia (aged 17!) and my sister was told that his forgetfulness was part of dyslexia.

5. Boys that age can be very naughty and try it on all the time. if the behaviour is continuous then may be a sign of a problem. if it's started recently could there have been anything that triggered it. Some of the examples you give sound more like my 6 year old DS than my 8 year old.

6. Writing may well be caused by dyslexia. Does he get any extra help at school? Because if he's dyslexic he should do. I'd recomend making an appointment with the school SENCO to find out how they're supporting your DS.

7. Children do go into a total world of their own when the TV is on and are oblivious to everything around them and I find i have to practically shout in their ear, standing in front of the TV to get them to hear! My DS1 also never stops moving, which I suspect is one reason why he can't go to sleep at night.

8. Some children are more nervous than others, but the noises you describe seem very everyday things and so still being scared of them does sound unusual. Has he always been scared of these things? If not has anything happened recently that could have triggered it?

So it seems to me to be a mixed bag of normal 8 year old and some more unusual things. As he has been assessed as having special needs he should be getting support at school and this support should continue into secondary school if necessary. He needs to be assessed on a regular basis to update his needs. Please speak to your SENCO and find out how they are helping him and what you can do at home to help him. Good luck!

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