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5 year old ds' behaviour

(8 Posts)
mamasmissionimpossible Thu 11-Nov-10 11:09:20

My ds who is 5 has been worrying me recently with his emotional behaviour. If I tell him not to do something, he bursts into tears and says I don't love him anymore and that nobody loves him . He starts shouting for a hug and if I ignore him (because I think it is attention seeking) he starts banging himself on the head and calling himself 'stupid'. It is awful to watch him. I do pull his hands down gently to stop him hurting himself and tell him he is beautiful not stupid. I really don't know if I am managing his behaviour well. I am worried he has low self confidence, but I am not sure how to deal with it. Please help!

flamingpants Thu 11-Nov-10 11:15:09

Not sure what to advise. Just more questions... Do you ever sit down and talk? Use pictures so he can express how he is feeling? Has anything traumatic happened in his life that you might be able to attribute this to? Do you tell him at random moments that you love him? This could just be an attention seeking phase, so it could be nothing to worry about. Does he get a big reaction from you if he says you don't love him?!

There's a lovely book called 'no matter what' by Debi Gliori. About loving someone no matter what. It might be an idea to get this and talk about it together.

Umm, not sure what else to suggest but didn't want to read and run.

mamasmissionimpossible Thu 11-Nov-10 11:26:28

Thanks flamingpants. Nice to know someone is listening! My dh thinks it is attention seeking, but I think ds is a senstive character, like me and needs alot of reassurance to feel good about himself.

He has just started school, so that is major change in his life. I hope that these emotional outburst will settle down and I do keep reassuring him that I love him and give him lots of cuddles and kisses.

I have the book 'no matter what' I will dig it out, as we haven't read it for a while.

I also make an effort to talk with him whilst he is eating his dinner. He eats when he gets in from school. I am always around for a chat at that time.

I really hope it is a passing phase. I know that low self confidence can be debilitating and I don't want ds to suffer that.

Rycie Thu 11-Nov-10 11:55:14

Hi mama, it does sound difficult, one question that occurred to me when reading your op is as to why when he asks for a hug you're reluctant to give him one at times? Not meant in a critical way at all but just trying to understand the situation better?

mamasmissionimpossible Thu 11-Nov-10 13:26:21

Rycie - it is a good question and one I asked myself. I did think that it was attention seeking behaviour and that it would stop if I just ignored it. I now think that I should just give him a hug if he asks.

mamasmissionimpossible Thu 11-Nov-10 13:26:50

and give him a hug if he doens't ask

NordicPrincess Thu 11-Nov-10 13:52:50

id ask him who the nobody is who dousnt love him? and ask him why he thinks hes stupid. he may just be using the wrong words for what he feels and then getting frustrated?

my son says he hasnt got any words when he dousnt want to tell me something

Rycie Fri 12-Nov-10 07:23:11

Mamas, personally I don't think you can spoil a child by loving him too much. I think you should give him endless hugs, he is asking for reassurance and is only 5 - you're not going to do any damage by hugging him too much.

In my mind, attention seeking behaviour that needs to be stopped is destructive behaviour, asking for hugs sounds just like he's asking for love. You don't need to stop him asking for hugs.

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