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help me! Trouble with 4 year old

(7 Posts)
fattybum Wed 10-Nov-10 21:00:06

ds1 went through a horrible aggressive stage til he was about 3. Would still get rough here and there, but much better. Whilst he was going through this it almost felt like he enjoyed making them upset, especially younger ones. Anyway, he started reception in sept. We went on a playdate today where he twice hurt his friends 2 year old sister. First time he hit her because she kept shouting. I did hear him ask her to stop first, but i made him apologise and explained you dont hit and to move away next time. Then towards the end he was pretending to be lions with her in other room, next thing you know shes really crying. He was tickling her then he bit her bum. I feel like he cant be left alone with a younger child. I felt so isolated and alone going through this last time. It just makes me so depressed, its like he enjoys hurting. Please help me?

AlrightStill Wed 10-Nov-10 21:33:51

dont really have any advice just didnt want to leave this unanswered. what age is/are your other dc? if they are younger maybe he is jealous and taking it out on any smaller child to get your attention.

you have my sympathies and i am sure its just a phase he will outgrow soon.

fattybum Wed 10-Nov-10 22:22:22

i also have ds2 who is just 2. They get on pretty well, just usual bickering and fighting here and there. He would never bite ds2 and is always told hitting is wrong etc. He started being aggressive before ds2 was born. What am i doing wrong? Just worry he'll end up with no friends if he acts like this. He is so lovely most of the time recently!

Ididthisforus Thu 11-Nov-10 10:21:25

I'm just experiencing this myself with DD who will be 4 in 4 weeks time. Two days in a row she has lashed out at someone at pre-school (first time she hit someone, second time she bit). I have tried to get her to explain why - did someone do something to her first, did she feel angry etc but there's no substantial reason why she lashed out. All I have done, and can do I think, is reinforce that hitting/biting is not acceptable and that if she feels angry she should walk away and let out a big shout if she needs to. I have also told her that the very next time she does something like this she will be in the cupboard big trouble.
I share your frustration in that she knows how to behave and what is and isn't acceptable behaviour, and on the whole she is a really great little girl. I guess it's just another phase to get through!?!

fattybum Thu 11-Nov-10 10:52:30

thanks! That's whats so frustrating, generally he's lovely and not particularly aggressive, just seems to be with younger ones when he thinks no ones looking. I think i really overreacted in the past so am now just trying to reinforce no hitting etc and be calm about the whole thing.

Ididthisforus Thu 11-Nov-10 15:57:28

I've just had a text to say that DD had no incidents at school today and even got a sticker for being good. So I'm going to go almost OTT on the praise for being good and, on the advice of another MNer in a different post, totally ignore the bad behaviour and tidy the cupboard for the next time grin

alybalybee Thu 11-Nov-10 19:08:36

My DS went through a stage of biting just as he turned 3. It may have been on here but I read somewhere that an effective way of dealing with it was to make a huge fuss over whoever was bitten. When I did this it tended to stop DS in his tracks which would then give me an opportunity to remind him how naughty it was to bite (animals bite, big boys don't! became a mantra)and encourage him to apologise. In the end the behaviour stopped quite quickly.

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