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child lacking manners telling lies WWYD?

(9 Posts)
sickoftheholidays Sun 07-Nov-10 16:48:18

First of all, this is not my child, its a neighbours kid who often comes round to play with my two. Child knocks on door, I open door, child walks in with muddy shoes on, straight past me, before I even have chance to say whether my kids are playing.
Child then goes upstairs with my two, plays for an hour, then I say time to go its tea time. I ask ALL kids to tidy up, child looks me in the eye and says its tidy upstairs. I ask my kids if its tidy upstairs, they say no, its really messy. Child then looks me in the eye again and says "it wasnt me who made the mess it was X and Y". I ask all the kids to go upstairs and make sure its all tidy before coming down. Child comes back down 5 minutes later, and says its tidy, I take child home (its getting dark) and come back to find my kids still tidying upstairs as it wasnt anything like tidy.

Am fuming. This child is as old as my eldest, almost 6. I dont want this kid in my house, as the child has no manners, doesnt say please/thankyou, doesnt wait to be invited in, doesnt take shoes off, and lies to my face every time they are asked to do anything they dont want to do. The child always blames my kids and tells tales, even when I have heard exactly what is going on from the other room.

I dont know if I am over reacting, but I dont want my kids playing with this child particularly as I dont want them to think that lying like this is OK. What do you think, and how would you handle it?

c0rns1lk Sun 07-Nov-10 16:50:14

Don't let him/her in. Tellhim/her that you're busy.

Faaamily Sun 07-Nov-10 16:54:44

No offence, but can't you be a bit more assertive in your home?

I would say: 'Hello Child X. In our house we always say hello and goodbye and please and thank you, and if you are going to come and play, you need to too.'

I would say: 'It's tidy up time now, everybody. Ten minutes to do it and then I am coming back to check it's done. X you put the blocks away, Y you tidy away the trains etc'.

I'd check in on them, and if Child X wasn't helping, I would ask him (tell him!), too.

I might also tell his parents that he wasn't very well behaved.

Take control of the situation.

JiggeryPoverty Sun 07-Nov-10 16:59:37

Next time, don't let the kid in. Say you're busy doing something and it's not a good time, maybe another day.

To the questions 'why' and 'when' you say 'just something' and 'another day, maybe next week'. Then you smile and say 'see you soon' and close the door.

OR

you address the behaviour as it happens - so you open the door and say hello, not letting the child past till it replies (unless it's a very shy child, in which case let it pass) and say 'we don't wear muddy shoes in this house - this is where you put them' and make sure they do. Then you go upstairs and say 'tidy up time everyone' and stand there till a good chunk of it is done. 'I'm a guest, I don't have to' carries no weight in my house, I say 'in this house, the guests help too, it's how you make sure you get invited back wink'

And that's your line - 'in this house....'

Remind about please and thank you. Check everything they say and when of course you find they have lied you smile and say 'you seem to have misunderstood/not remembered what you actually did/forgotten to do it, you can do it now, can't you dear? Thank you, there's a poppet.' etc.

Sooner or later, they will twig that, without you actually telling off, they don't get away with it.

Meanwhile, learn to open the door just a crack and have your foot in place so said kid can't shove the door open and go past you.

It's not really the child's fault though - first of all I think most kids are a bit ruder,and forget their Ps and Qs at someone else's house, and maybe that's compounded by having parents who aren't as on the ball as you.

What do your dcs say about this child? do they like them?

sickoftheholidays Sun 07-Nov-10 17:01:03

Thing is I have told kids parents several times now when I have caught kid out lying, obviously what they are doing isnt working, or they dont see it as a problem. I have tried the whole "we do it like this here" but really, its not my job to teach someone elses kid good manners, I work from home and am busy working most weekends. Also, if the parents dont think its important enough to do something themselves, it wont make much difference what I do or say.

sickoftheholidays Sun 07-Nov-10 17:05:43

I do value all your suggestions though, I will try again and go with polite but firm.

DC's dont play that well to be fair, eldest they do argue a bit, and child can be quite a handful. Also likes to chase youngest which creates lots of screaming. If they played together better, I might be more inclined to do something about it, but all I get when kid is playing is noise mess and hassle.
Other kids come round to play and all I get is the occasional (polite) request for drinks/snacks

JiggeryPoverty Sun 07-Nov-10 17:20:36

No, it itsn't your job to teach manners to someone else's child BUT it's your house, you want the behaviour to be better, it's down to you. Not really fair, I know, but I reckon what I want in my house is my business, and if someone else has my dcs and gives them smarties and crisps for tea, fair enough - their house their rules.

But I think you have to stop letting the child in if you're working, sounds liek a child who needs a bit more supervision than most.

Have you got a chain on the door?!

CarGirl Sun 07-Nov-10 17:24:54

Open the door stand in the gap and say you're not having him to play today.

Ilythia Sun 07-Nov-10 17:35:41

Tell him he can't come in. And close the door.

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