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Is this just wrong or am I really old fashioined?

(5 Posts)
MumblingClothDoll Sun 07-Nov-10 09:03:14

My step daughter lives in another country with her Mum....she's 13 and without going into too many details we ad no idea she exhisted until three years ago when her Mum "came clean" and left her husband...stating that her husbands daugghter was not his but that of an olf fling...my DHs! We did paternity tests...and she is his.

He has met her...travelling across the world twice to do so...and has kept up strong telephone contact and email...sends money every month and regular parcels of British clothes which the little girl loves.

It's fine except for the Mothers idea of whats ok....when my hsband skypes her, he talks with her alone as I will always try to give them space, but his daughter often wants to see my 2 girls who are 6 and 2... step daughters Mum is usually in the background too. Stepdaughter swears habitually...not the worst words but it doesn't sound nice...and DH has said a few times "Oh, its best if you don't use those words or the little one wll be doing it at paygroup!" he does it light heartedly and no offence is taken apparently...her Mum never says a word....now my step daughter has got her ownSkype account and uses messenger too...and her user name is not appropriate...I can't say it here...bt lets just say it's something like "Sexy Sue"

Her profile pic shows half her chest and it's weird! The kid is thirteen ffs and I feel worried aboout it all.

We will be meeting her ourselves in the new year...going over there etc. and I cannot help but feel anxious about it...DH is also disturbed but does not feel he can say anything at all...

MumblingClothDoll Sun 07-Nov-10 09:04:22

Sorry about the spelling! Terrible!

TeddyBare Sun 07-Nov-10 09:28:48

I don't really know what to say but I didn't want to leave you unanswered. I think it sounds pretty unsuitable for a 13 year old, but is it possible that girls grow up faster where she lives, and that this is actually normal and nothing which will attract undue attention?
Does the mum have her dd as a skype friend? If so, it would suggest that the mum is ok with the picture which puts you in an even more difficult position.

MumblingClothDoll Sun 07-Nov-10 10:00:32

Teddy....where they live is far more conservative than the UK...which is why it's weird! I don't now if the MUm even has a Skype account...dont think she does

BlueberryPancake Sun 07-Nov-10 12:33:46

Goodness me, you must be shocked! Is the mum English speaking? I am not English speaking myself and have many friends from other countries and they don't really know what's a mild swear word and what isn't. IE I have a friend from Lithuania and she kept on saying bloddy hell in front of my kids, I had to tell her that it's a swear word and not to use it in front of the kids, and she said she din't know!!

Anyway, my point is, we all have different views as to what is acceptable or not especially with girls. In your situtation, I would agree with you and frankly, if I'd have a 13 year old girl I wouldn't let her have such obvious sexual reference in her web stuff. You are right to be worried but is there anything you can do anbout it? I don't know. Have a really opena nd frank discussion about it with your husband and maybe get him to talk to his ex about this, and he should let her know in a non confrontational way that her daughter needs to be a good example and not to say bad words or the communication will the girls will have to be restricted or monitered. I don't know, I don't have girls, but I really feel for you.

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