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peeing when being disciplined

(20 Posts)
bumbly Wed 03-Nov-10 22:51:18

3 year old just trained to go to toilet and potty since few months

but recently when send him to naughty space to calm down will pee himself with anger/frustration/scaredness at being disciplined

wont stop me but hate this feeling of him peeing himself

anyone else have this happen to them?any tips what to do?

I never!!! got mad in past when had peeing accidents but am now getting bit angry at him not going to loo - not the peeing bit -and does end up me being pretty angry at him having peed himself after told him to calm down!

SparklingExplosionGoldBrass Wed 03-Nov-10 22:54:31

He's only 3. It's more likely to be an involuntary response to anger/frustration/fear (not saying you are scary, more that maybe his own rage scares him) than deliberate naughtiness. Adults can pee themselves when frightened if they have a full or fullish bladder at the time.

bumbly Wed 03-Nov-10 22:58:44

..just happening a lot now and seems to be a viscous cycle starting and how could i stop it????

bumpybecky Wed 03-Nov-10 23:03:48

have you tried leaving a potty in the naughty space?

not suggesting that you put him on the potty there, don't want to make negative associations, just have an extra potty available there IYSWIM

icapturethecastle Wed 03-Nov-10 23:14:25

My DS did this for a while. Sorry no tips he just seem to stop doing it after a while (maybe a month). He would get quite upset after being told off so I suppose it was involuntary. I always felt so sorry for him and very mean afterwards. I suppose it worked in his favour - I am sure it was for a reaction (as everything is)! I am sure your DS will outgrow - maybe try to ignore it as much possible. Good luck with the extra washing!!

tethersend Wed 03-Nov-10 23:18:07

I would ignore the emotive aspect of this behaviour, and neither punish nor reward it.

It is a mess which needs clearing up- hand him some paper towels and supervise him cleaning up, putting trousers in washing machine etc, but treat it as 'just one of those things' and don't make cleaning it up a punishment, more a natural consequence. By the same token, don't give him too much positive attention for it either, just in case he is doing it to gain positive attention. Keep spare clothes downstairs/near naughty space, and wait until he has calmed down before he gets changed.

If he sees that wetting himself does not make you more or less angry, then you can rule out him doing it on purpose.

I would question whether the naughty space is an appropriate punishment for him if he is wetting himself out of fear and/or frustration though.

icapturethecastle Wed 03-Nov-10 23:22:54

yes very good advice from tethersand.

ToysRLuv Wed 03-Nov-10 23:26:44

Umm, it happened to me when I was 13 and being shouted at and held by the collar of my shirt. My dad was so scary. I am sure you're not, but this does happen. Even to older children.

On the positiveish side, it could mean that you have been so nice to him so far that any kind of telling off will now make him feel very bad. Also, he is probably a lovely, sensitive little boy, and I would think that he will eventually grow out of it if you are consistent in telling him off in a nice/constructive way and ignoring the weeing.

bumbly Sat 06-Nov-10 21:03:38

thanks for messages

net was down two days argh!!!

yes he is a sensitive boy!!!

but yest he peed in my bed whilst getting pjs on after bath

so i think a very week bladder control is def in question

however yes need to rething things though i do not want to stop disciplining him as am fastidious that his behaviour needs telling when wrong
but yes i do feel awful after and ever so mean - but sometimes he gives me no choice!!!potty near naughty area def will try!!! and will try to make an issue out of things

i do tend to do that!!!

whoknowswhatthefutureholds Sat 06-Nov-10 21:26:46

I think you will make the problems worse tbh with your attitude to discipline.

I feel sorry for him, he's only tiny and you're telling him off and it's upsetting him enough to make him wet himself.

Also at 3 they want attention, the more the better. The more you tell them off the moreintrequing it is. At the more sad you make them by telling them off the more angry/frustrated they get and hence the naughtier they get.

My DS1 was very naughty (and still can be) over many hours of trying to sort it out by far the best way has been the following:

Ignore the bad (don't evem look at them, if they hit someone, talk to the child they hit, saying 'that was mean are you OK, don't worry he will say sorry soon')

and praise (overly) any good behaviour.

Try it for a week without any other techniques and I will be amazed if you dont have any changes in his behaviour.

As for the weeing, that may be an attention thing too so just ignore that too.

Remember he doesnt need to be really told off to improve his behaviour, and that there are far more productive ways to get him to act in a better manner.

good luck. smile

whoknowswhatthefutureholds Sat 06-Nov-10 21:27:47

also you dont end up feeling so horrible (been there too !)

giraffesCantLightAFirework Sat 06-Nov-10 21:30:16

I remember peeing myself when I was 10 and Mum was about to hit me, she had hit my 2 sisters first and I was last in line. It wasnt on purpose it just happened.

whoknowswhatthefutureholds Sat 06-Nov-10 22:04:27

been thinkinmg abput this, dont think it would be deliberate

mychildrenarebarmy Sat 06-Nov-10 22:09:18

My DS had accidents a few times when he had been sat on the stairs for something. I started telling him that he had to sit on the stairs but if he needed a wee he could move to go to the toilet but had to come straight back to the stairs afterwards. It was a novelty at first but then he soon started only moving to go to the toilet when he needed to. He had taken the 'you must sit on the stairs and stay there' so seriously that it never occured to him that he would be allowed to move if he needed a wee.

BitOfFun Sat 06-Nov-10 22:30:54

Should this be in in Pets? confused

Anabellesmumanddad Sun 07-Nov-10 08:58:11

my girl pees everywhere and it could also be bladder infection if it's come on suddenly. I'm probably going to take her to the Doc, maybe you should too??

bumbly Tue 09-Nov-10 20:48:57

thanks for message

did not discipline him today

but said he needed ot ry to and sit on potty for Poo (another story) as thought he needed to go

was using nice gentle voice and holding his hand

he peed on carpet floor

when my mum was chanign him into night nappy he peed on bed

no paon so don't think bladder infection but am now so down about his regression!

Anabellesmumanddad Wed 10-Nov-10 08:37:01

If you can, try not to make it into a big deal. We put our DD back into nappies for a while because it made me feel less stressed.

zapostrophe Wed 10-Nov-10 11:55:21

Message withdrawn

bumbly Wed 10-Nov-10 12:40:01

i think too he is doing it o purpose and thanks for your messdage

i think so even tough he gets upset about doing it and health visitor said they can do it on purpose too

pro is how to stop

i think by ignoring and making a hassle of changing him

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