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Encouraging Friends

(6 Posts)
Shades1 Mon 12-Sep-05 11:13:49

my DS is 5.4 years, has always gone to full time nursery since he was 4 months old and had never had any problems making friends there, was invited to parties, he'd be hugged by other children when he walked in.

Since he's gone to school I watch other kids going on play dates, I've tried instigating with other mum's but none seem to take me up on it. We work full time, DH drops him off and I pick him up 2 nights a week, so I'm not in any "cliques" that have formed, and it's those kids who all seem to play together. When I drop him off he goes to the other kids to play but they seem to walk away from him.

At home there are two boys who play out, one's the same age, one's two years older - they play together a lot and go to a football club together. yesterday they told my DS to play on his own, and only through one of the dad's intervention did they let hime join in.

DH thinks I'm imagining half of it and say's he's fine when he drops him off, and that he has a nice time at school.

Any advice ?

Marina Mon 12-Sep-05 12:12:07

A word with his teacher perhaps? We work f/t outside the home too and rarely get to the school gates, so I do sympathise with the concern that you might be missing out on some latent cliques, shades. And I bet mumsnet is brimming with people who are convinced that people are not instigating playdates with their child and are worried about it - I certainly do.
do ask the teacher and of course, try and raise the subject with your ds. He is going to be the expert on this one...although you may then need to get an independent second opinion on his views

Minniethemoocher Fri 22-Jun-07 10:51:15

I am in a similar position, DD started nursery school in January and has only had 2 play dates and I feel it is all my fault as I am very shy.

There is one little girl who my DD wanted to invite for tea but her mother basically gave me the cold shoulder and I just felt awful!!!

I haven't plucked up the courage to ask anyone else after asking a few Mums and they say yes, but never give me a firm time or date.

I feel so bad that my lack of friends is now affecting her.

Just this morning I heard that X on her table had invited Y for lunch and my heart is just breaking.

So, I am also feeling very down at the moment as my Dad died in April and it is all getting to me..


Oblomov Fri 22-Jun-07 11:20:29

I totally understand. Ds is at nursery p/t and none of them seem to have playdates - mind you they are a bit young - 3.5. He does get invited to parties, but why no one seems to play outside of nursery - maybe i am unrealistic.
Re the boys / playing / football - I had the same thing, we have a lovely enclosed area that our house backs onto - ds loves teh "big boys" - they seem to just tolerate him - this upsets me- dh says I am paranoid.

I am sorry, I do not have much advice, but I do sympathise.

Minniethemoocher Fri 22-Jun-07 11:24:57

I am hopeful that as DD gets older, she will be able to invite friends home herself, rather than have to rely on me to do it for her!

I have always taken her to mums and baby groups but I have never made any friends at these, as I am so painfully shy!

I have learned to live with it and the internet is great for shy people like me, but I do sometimes just wish for someone to share a coffee and a chat in the "real world" and for a play date for my daughter...

Oblomov Fri 22-Jun-07 12:24:22

Ds has just changed nursery. His 'bf' couldn't come to his birthday party. So I invited his mum, to come and play at convienient time. Asked again. Nothing. Had to let it drop.
Is it me ? Do i have BO ?
Maybe people are so caught up in their own lives that they don't want playdates - or their children are at nursery full time / or alot, and they just want family time, in their limited free time.

I don't know. I just don't get it.

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