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Foul behaviour since starting school- normal or not?

(50 Posts)
olivo Thu 23-Sep-10 19:04:24

DD was 4 the week before she started reception. In past couple of weeks, her behaviour has been foul; cross, rude, screaming, throwing things. It is behaviour we havent seen much of before, although she had the usual 3 yo tantrums.

Is this a normal reaction to starting school or have we got a real problem on our hands? I am currently putting it down to tiredness, although she was used to doing full days at nursery. We are trying to be firm with her but we are already exhausted and her little sister is missing out on attention sad

Please tell me it's normal.....

fattybum Thu 23-Sep-10 19:07:29

I hope it's normal because this sounds similar to my ds1 who has also just started school! He has actually hit me (very gently) a couple of times since starting school and having big two year old tantrums!

He also seems really hyper, which is so irritating!

Let's hope it doesn't last...

onimolap Thu 23-Sep-10 19:13:05

It's normal!

Tiredness is probably a factor. Also, exposure to other children with other habits and mannerisms, which may be fine in those other children but become foul when yours tries them out. I would suggest that you do hold the line about the standards of behaviour you expect at home (all children become "bilingual" between parents/grown ups and the playground). But a gentle approach might be indicated until stamina increases.

GrimmaTheNome Thu 23-Sep-10 19:17:38

Oh yes.

My DD had some tantrums at the start of term, it was like having a toddler again. Caught between tiredness and hunger and just not knowing what to do with herself.

This was starting secondary school! grin

electra Thu 23-Sep-10 19:32:55

At just 4 she's very young for the school year. Have you had a chat with her teacher to see how she's settling in? That may shed some light.

It's also possible that one specific thing, say to do with lunch for example is bothering her and her way of expressing it is to get angry.

cat64 Thu 23-Sep-10 19:35:20

Message withdrawn

MollieO Thu 23-Sep-10 19:35:22

I have this at the start of every year with ds. He is now in yr 2 and I look back on the reception age tantrums with fond memories. We get those now with attitude.

olivo Thu 23-Sep-10 19:48:22

oh trust me, mollie, we have attitude too - I teach secondary and find a class of 30 teens have less at times!

thank you, it seems tis normal then. she loves school,a rough first week of tears but loads better. I do know she hates having to go to after school care, but we have no choice and have tried to play it down.

can't wait till near the end of term then hmm grin

MollieO Thu 23-Sep-10 20:25:03

I'm impressed. grin

We get "You can't make me" and "I don't care" complete with sneering facial expressions. I do think it is a glimpse into teenage years only with better hygiene at this age!

Jugglers Fri 24-Sep-10 19:06:14

I've had it all today - my DS started this term too - he's nearly 4.5.

Been told he wishes I wasn't his mum, that he wishes I wasn't alive and he's going to throw me in the dustbin, he hit me (hard) - the works.

I feel like shit, needless to say (and on top of this going through hell with DD who is 7) and feel like an utter failure as a parent.

They're at it again now while DH tries to put them to bed.

I can't wait till wine o'clock but am going to search MN for advice and help books

FattyArbuckel Fri 24-Sep-10 19:08:34

Normal but you have my sympathy

Starting school is very tiring and most poor behaviour stems from tiredness ime.

Early bedtime and no TV for 2 hours before bed may be helpful.

olivo Fri 24-Sep-10 20:13:01

put her to bed early last night as she was being really agressive and horrible. nearly 12 hrs sleep and what a difference! she was fab today. phew......grin

thereisalightanditnevergoesout Sun 26-Sep-10 19:20:31

We go it when DD started reception, then it calmed down. And now we have it again in Year 1 - oh joy. For me, picking my fights is definitely working - the meltdown can't continue if I don't react to it.

Ceebee74 Sun 26-Sep-10 19:25:25

Glad I found this thread - me and DH were just having the same conversation about DS1 who seems to have reverted back to a toddler grin

We have had full-on tantrums today for all sorts of minor reasons - he hasn't had tantrums like that for months and months. Although his tantrums now involve kicking anything in sight (including a wall this afternoon and he had no shoes on grin) and stomping away with his hands folded.

Me and DH have put it down to starting school and we may be right (the last time he was this bad was when DS2 was born a couple of years ago although DS1 was only 2.4 at the time so it was more 'normal' then iyswim).

Partyof52010 Sun 26-Sep-10 20:20:09

We had it all with DD last yr and again this yr starting yr1. Also be prepared for them coming home and trying out every phrase/word ever associated with toilet habits/bodily functions and thinking its hilarious and very naughty!

herbgarden Sun 26-Sep-10 20:45:32

Me too !! Another one here. Sounds entirely normal in our house. DH and I have spent most of the day exchanging glances with raised eyebrows. I've taken to ignoring the things which don't matter but when he gets really hysterical /naughty about something (like wanting own way when completely unreasonable) it's up to his room and he can't come out until he's calmed down. They stayed at in-laws last night as we were out and they (we have 2 year old too) were both hideous when we got them.

I err towards having as much down time as possible post school - putting to bed at 6.30 and trying to give plenty of cuddles when I can feel like things getting out of control. I find that more often than not that's what he's really after.

I work 2 days a week but have a childminder to do post school pick up - it's all quite calm at her house but I'm trying to leave work when I can just for now so that we can get home and get to bed in good time.

It's a bit wearing and a bit trying isn't it !

Mama2Monkeys Sun 26-Sep-10 21:46:15

So glad I found this thread. Thanks ceebee. I now realise that my DS 4yr is acting normally hmm. Although I still feel pants!

LadyBuzz Mon 27-Sep-10 14:01:23

Oh this thread has saved, DS1 seemed to coe home the first full week with homework and an attitude problem!

I even took him out for some 1 to 1 time on saturday and he was horrible, i could have throttled him grin

olivo Mon 27-Sep-10 19:58:48

thank you, it is kind of reassuring to know it is not just us. I thought everyone might say - oh no, no problem for us- grin

the only problem nwo is that the early beds are leading to early wake-ups! I just cant win!

strongblackcoffee Mon 27-Sep-10 20:05:16

My mum taught reception for years and years, and she told me that every single September she would have concerned parents queueing (sp?) up to ask what the hell was wrong with their DCs. And all because they are simply exhausted with all the new routine. Just keep everything else as simple as possible for a while - no playdates, chilled out weekends, and as many early nights as possible...

RhinestoneCowgirl Mon 27-Sep-10 20:12:34

Same here too, DS is a late July baby and did his first full day today (last week was mornings and lunch). Today wasn't too bad as I had prepped by making soup for tea during the day so just had to heat up and could snuggle on the sofa with him watching beebies. DD (21 months) thoughtfully fell asleep on the school run too.

The worst day was one day last week when he paddied all the way home and I actually had to carry him/drag him. Not our finest hour! Early bedtimes all the way here, and he's not waking up until nearly 7am most mornings (in the hols it was more like 6am).

wearymum200 Mon 27-Sep-10 20:17:21

So how do you keep them asleep in the mornings? DS1 has just started reception and although he is not full-on horrible, he is defintely not his usual lovely self and I know he's exhausted, but he's still waking at 5 without fail (even on days when I've been late putting him to bed becuase got a bit stuck at work; I try to compensate with early bed when possible- 2DC asleep by 620 today, hurrah); and he's wrecked. It's a long time till half term.......

PoopyFingers Mon 27-Sep-10 21:10:37

Our DS1 (3.2) has just started nursery, and is in need of an exorcism at present blush. I also had to literally drag him kicking and screaming to nursery (100 yards from house) and then spent 30 minutes comforting him in a quiet room after he spent 15 minutes throwing himself around on the floor in the hallway (thankfully outside main play room).

I realise this will pass, but what on earth do we actually DO when he's doing this?

Went shopping this afternoon, and he had a mad meltdown in Debenhams, screaming and going berserk, again throwing himself backwards on the floor etc etc...

Sunday 8am he went insane as he had an itchy bum and only Daddy (sleeping) could sort it out. He was roaring for about 30 minutes, sobbing his heart out, hitting me etc... confused

Aside from staying calm etc etc (we do OK on this) what do we do to actually calm him, or stop him in his tracks?

It's too far gone for distraction.

herbgarden Mon 27-Sep-10 21:50:36

Poopyfingers - your DS is in the "threenager" stage unfortunately....we thought we'd come out the other side of that and then reception started !...

Same rules probably apply - lots of sleep and quite time until he gets used to it....

PoopyFingers Mon 27-Sep-10 21:54:24

Thanks Herbgarden - do we put him to bed early - or allow a lunchtime nap (thus running the risk of him running amok through the house until 11pm....)?

Is it just a matter of what scenario is more tolerable? He has had 2 major (hour long) tantrums today, and I do find it odd that they start so early in the morning as he sleeps very well (in our bed, nice and cosy for him, but buggering any chances of us resting hmm)

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