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CLINGY, UNSOCIABLE DAUGHTER

(11 Posts)
MDEE Mon 04-Aug-03 22:48:20

Hi I'm michelle and new to this....

I am hoping that someone can reassure me that my daughter is showing normal behaviour and that there is nothing to worry about.

My little terror is 23 months and has gone from a happy, smiling and sociable child to a stroppy, stubborn and very unsociable terror. I have over the last month and a half been taking her to nursery twice a week (mornings only). Still cries when she can see that we are approaching the nursery, where we have a screaming session until one of the nursery assistants prizes her from me. Is this normal even after this long? Or have I pushed her into this too soon? When she is there she refuses to play with any other children and will stand there watching.

Another thing that is worrying me is that since her going to nursery whenever we go to see relatives and friends she is very clingy. Recently went to a party but she wouldn't go and play until half way htrough when she must have realised that I was not going to leave her.

Can anyone help please.....

misdee Mon 04-Aug-03 22:56:12

do u have to take her to nursery? do u work? if u dont then i wouldnt send her, just spend some time with her and reassure her that u'll be there for her. at 2years kids are very close to their mums, i didnt send my daughter to playgroup or nursery. she spent a few weeks in a creche at the beginning of the year when i was doing a computer course, but i stayed with her the 1st few times for a short while to settle her in. she was just about to turn 3 then. she is due to start nursery 5 afternoons a week in sept, and is really looking forward to it. i think the short and happy time she had in creche really helped her realise that being away from me isnt so bad. if u really have to send her, ask to see if u can spend some time in the nursery with her, and not just leave her there upset with the assistants. its a heart breaking situation when u're kids are upset.
dont know if any of that helps, kinda rambling i know.

MDEE Mon 04-Aug-03 23:03:17

Thanks for your reply misdee....I don't work but I thought after listening to grand-parents that it would be good for her to mix with other children of her age. I do plan to go back to work on a part-time basis and was hoping that this could be a settling in period if you like to get her used to that environment before commiting myself. I was hoping that this was normal and that suddenly she would realise that it really isn't that bad and mummy would be coming back for her.

misdee Mon 04-Aug-03 23:10:40

how about a mother and toddler group instead? that way u can be there with her. it could be that she just isnt ready for mummy to be away from her just yet. i was always worried about my dd1 not interacting with other children, and altho she didnt have the nursery experience so young, she is a well adjusted kid.

MDEE Mon 04-Aug-03 23:15:43

Have been to mother and toddler groups before...she did seem to be fine with that. Maybe it is back to that rather than being distressed everytime we go to nursery....save me a fortune as well!!!!

aloha Wed 06-Aug-03 08:10:54

I agree with Misdee - if you don't need to take her, don't. Personally I think that it's not *necessary* for two year olds to interact with a lot of other two year olds. Some enjoy it and benefit, some don't. My ds spends some time with a child or two of his own age at my house or theirs with me there, he has a nanny share with a younger one, and likes to play with slightly older children (a more normal, sibling-like relationship where he gets bossed about and entertained and loves it!). He does got to toddler groups and the children's library with his nanny and is fine with that. I've just put off nursery for him for at least another six months because I don't think it's right for him yet. Some kids really love it, but there's no 'one size fits all' policy for toddlers IMO.

Imelda Fri 08-Aug-03 08:59:40

I also think Mother and Toddler Groups are v good idea, but can I reassure you Michelle on the clingy thing? My little boy was always v mummyish but around 18 months got much more independent. I had to go back to work then, and he settled well at nursery. Then at around 23/24 months he suddenly did a complete U-turn and would not even let me go to the loo without him -v difficult having a wee with him on my knee even if he is a tiddler for his age)This continued for around 3-4 months and leaving him at nursery was difficult despite my seeing him happily playing 10 seconds after I'd left (I was hiding round the corner). In the end I just decided that it is his way of saying that he loves being with me, and his ideal life would be watching Barney being cuddled by me. If I had another baby I couldn't do that anyway........ I am not saying that you should leave her anyway, but I am saying that I really think kids go through these phases and don't beat yourself up about it. I'm quite relieved he isn't like some of the children who don't even notice their parents have left the nursery to go to work!

Rhubarb Fri 08-Aug-03 13:28:54

My dd was just the same as yours MDEE. I have been taking her to toddler groups since she was 3 months old, but it still takes her half an hour to thaw out and let go of my legs! I went to college when she was 2 and put her in the creche, it was only for 3 hours once a week. It took two full terms before she finally stopped crying. It was awful, she would start as we got ready to go out of the house, asking me not to put her in the nursery. Then she would cling to me sobbing, as we entered, the assistants would have to prise her away. But she did thaw out eventually, and though she never looked forward to going, she didn't cry when I left her because she knew that I was coming back.

One trick I did try which worked, well a couple actually. The first one is that I let her take her sleeping ted with her, it was just a comforting thing from home for her to have. But the most workable thing I did was to let her wear my frog brooch. I called it the 'Magic Frog' and told her that he would look after her whilst I was at college, and that Magic Frog would always make sure that mummy came back for her. I also told the nursery assistants what I was doing, so they could collaberate in this Magic Frog. We all agreed that it made a difference.

Dd is now 3 and is still shy. She won't talk or even look at strangers or family members she hasn't seen in a while. She doesn't like crowds of children, she plays best with just one or two. What I would recommend is that you find out if there is an NCT group near you. They hold coffee groups which are smaller and more relaxed than the toddler groups. My dd much prefers these, and so do I!

Hope any of this helps.

calcium Tue 12-Aug-03 21:25:58

MDEE - I have a 14month who has been little miss friendly wherever I have taken her she goes to a childminder 3 times a week as I work and numerous todler groups and the creche when I manage to get to the gym. She has gone to friends, babysitters basically I have been really lucky that I have had a outgoing little girl ... then suddenly over the last couple of weeks the nightmare has begun she screams the place down when her dad takes her to the fathers group, she cries when she sees someone new and today her most adored childminder told us that she had been very clingy and cryed lots this is a first and a great worry to me. I have no tips on what to do but all I can say is perhaps its because over the last week I have spent a little more time with her we have all been in the garden and paddling pool and had a riot, maybe she really misses me? You are not alone and I am hoping that she will grow out of it.

Rhubarb Wed 13-Aug-03 12:25:34

Calcium, if your daughter is experiencing a sudden change in behaviour perhaps you might want to talk to your GP about it? It could be that something is troubling her, or something has frightened her. It could just be a phase as you suspect, but for peace of mind I'd want to eliminate other things too.

Lisaw9094 Fri 26-Oct-12 13:19:47

Hi i'm new to MUMSNET so very slow in finding my way around. But i desperate for some advice
I have a beautiful daughter who is 3½, she is wonderful ok a few tantrums here and there but overall she’s 100% ok mentally and physically, I read to her give her love attention, praise and the naughty step when needed. But my problem is this.
2 years ago I split with my husband, long story but the short of it all is, he got violent with me, I kicked him out and we have been separated ever since. I live with my mum who love’s my daughter loads. But my daughter is very clingy; she continues to sleep with me. Earlier this year I did the big this is your new nursery/bedroom, get her to pick her own pictures, colour for the walls and carpet. The nursery looked amazing, I spent loads of money on different duvet sets Peppa Pig, Everythings Rosie, Postman Pat the list is endless. But still she still doesn’t want to sleep in there, I read to her every night then I pretend to sleep she in turn falls asleep I put the baby monitor on her (a camera one) and go down stairs and chill. My daughter doesn’t usually wake if any during the night so it’s not like she knows that I’m not there. But even though I sleep on my own, I would like my bed back to myself. Any idea’s?, please don’t say let her sleep in my bed and then pick her up and put her in her own bed – it doesn’t work. Even reversing the situation and pretending to read/sleep in her room etc and then leave, it doesn’t work. I’ve tried many times. Also I have been invited out on several work do’s and haven’t been able to go, because she is so clingy and my mum can't cope on her own because all my daughter want's is me. I love my daughter very much, I give her 110% 24/7. I just want to find a way of slowly getting her to be less clingy etc. Help
Thank you, from a desparing mum

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