End of my Tether

[hmb]

My dd, ages 6.5 has just had the most dreadful tantrum. She didn't like her outfit for the day (the rest of her stuff is packed ready for our holiday). I don't mean that she shouted, she screamed and screamed for over a half hour. She has been doing this at least once a day all this week, and I have got to the end of my tether. She was exactly the same last summer holiday when she went out of her way to ruin almost every outing and trip that we had planned, as well as our 2 weeks in Turkey.

I realise that she might be bored with there being no school (she is a bright child), but we have trips to the park, indoor play areas, we do baking and making things, I take the swimming. And nothing is to her liking and she has a huge shouting match. To be blunt her behaviour is b*** awful and I don't want to be in the same room as her at the moment.

Help!

[Jimjams]

Um- don't be in the same room as her. Ds1 has days like this- when I really can't take the screaming anymore and I tend to leave him alone for a bit. I either leave him with his trains in the room or leave him alone in the garden for a bit. I keep an eye on him- but don't try and do anything with him. It seems to calm him down a bit.

[hmb]

I'm not I'm hiding in the computer roon, in very self indulgent tears! I'm such a wet, I hate myself when I am in this mood. But I'd just defy anyone to take what she has dished out over the last week without feeling dreadful.

[Jimjams]

Screaming for that long would push anyone to the edge. Honestly hmb I've been there- and it totally does me in. The only way I can deal with it though is to kind of shut off from it for a bit. So when he starts I try to imagine I'm not actually there and then I can kind of talk calmly. I'm not explaining this very well - but honestly anyone else would feel the same as you do.

Countdown to the glass of wine this evening? That's another tactic I use. Good Luck!

[hmb]

G and T for me at 7.00. Just in time for the Archers.

I realise I am a moaning minnie, and I also know how much harder things are for others (You for example!). But today has just topped things off nicely! Never mind, tomorrow is another day as Scarlet would say.

[WideWebWitch]

Oh hmb, I know the feeling. Antsy child in the holidays is vile. Agree, don't be in the same room - I've locked myself in the bathroom many a time to calm down, you're not alone, honestly. What about heading for the wide open spaces as per Toddler Taming advice? (I know she's way past toddlerdom, mine is too but still) They do seem better when they're outside and in the air where sound is diffused a bit. Clothes rows happen in our house too - I've just washed and tumble dried an England kit when if he hadn't yelled it would have dried in an hour on the Aga but I just couldn't be arsed with a row so tumble dried it. He had perfectly good alternative clothes on and the party isn't for 3 hours but I gave in anyway. Can you swap her with friends for the odd day? You have theirs and they have yours? Maybe not, sorry if it seems like the only advice I've been giving recently: "Why Don't You Get Rid of Your Child for a While?" The day will end, honestly! Or Dahlia's water trick might be worth a go, search on her name and you should find it.

[WideWebWitch]

Oh hmb, I know the feeling. Antsy child in the holidays is vile. Agree, don't be in the same room - I've locked myself in the bathroom many a time to calm down, you're not alone, honestly. What about heading for the wide open spaces as per Toddler Taming advice? (I know she's way past toddlerdom, mine is too but still) They do seem better when they're outside and in the air where sound is diffused a bit. Clothes rows happen in our house too - I've just washed and tumble dried an England kit when if he hadn't yelled it would have dried in an hour on the Aga but I just couldn't be arsed with a row so tumble dried it. He had perfectly good alternative clothes on and the party isn't for 3 hours but I gave in anyway. Can you swap her with friends for the odd day? You have theirs and they have yours? Maybe not, sorry if it seems like the only advice I've been giving recently: "Why Don't You Get Rid of Your Child for a While?" The day will end, honestly! Or Dahlia's water trick might be worth a go, search on her name and you should find it.

[WideWebWitch]

Oops sorry.

[aloha]

Could you make a play date (hideous americanism but you know what I mean) with one of her friends - she goes there for an afternoon, and later you have two at yours. Not only do you get rid of her for a bit, but I find that two little girls practically vanish into the ether and ignore dull old parents.

[Jimjams]

hmb- the thibg I find hardest to deal with in ds1 is the screaming! So when he's not screaming you're having a tougher time! 6 and half hours until that G and T!

[hmb]

Oooooh, please don't tempt me. The thought of the bucket of water did run through my mind. A big bit of me would have loved to see the look on her face, but I couldn't bring myself to do it! Trouble with the big outdoors is that it is chucking it down at the moment, and I'm too fed up for the puddle jumping routine. So I will put a video on for them, and them feel guilty about being a bad mother. Can't win can we??

[WideWebWitch]

Hmb, I'd never quite dare do the water thing with my ds, I just know it would wind him up into an even worse frenzy and it would escalate and escalate until we were both lying on the floor kicking and screaming... Ah, it's raining, right. Video it is then. Bribery to get some time to yourself? I will give you these sweets but you're not allowed to disturb me until the clock says 2pm or whatever? Hmm, what right on tantrum management solutions I'm coming up with today!

[hmb]

Aloha, I agree with you that two are getter than one somedays. Trouble is that most of our friends are away on holidays at the moment!Things are conspiring against me. Still they are happy now with Scooby Doo. Once I managed to get it to play in English and not Castilan! Even the technology is against me today

But thanks for the feedback peeps, you have been a massive help. Ain't Mumsnet wonderful?

[aloha]

Videos = bad mother? Nah!

[sis]

videos/tv/cbeebies are all great for when ds is so tired that all playing ends with him falling and/or crying. Enjoy some guilt free time while your dd is watching her video and if you can't get it to play in English - it is 'cultural' and 'educational' so no guilt but virtue!

[hmb]

Yes, they would be able to say 'I'd have got away with it, if it wasn't for you peskey kids' in Castilan!

Things have improved, and with it the weather, so I'll get the bikes out soon.

[willow2]

Can I just recommend an alternative to cbeebies if your child is in to music? DS (3 1/4) has become obsessed with bands as friends of ours are in one. We now whack on one of the music channels on Sky, hand him a tennis racket (his guitar) and then sit back and try not to laugh as he po-go's round the room, throwing shapes and making the most outrageous "rock" faces. The only downside is that he has started asking dh and I to join in by playing piano (a toy plastic keyboard) and drums (the seat that came with the keyboard). He has also broken most of our chopsticks as he has decided they are better off as drumsticks. We have high hopes of him winning the Mercury Music Prize in 2023.

[Jimjams]

Hope you had a good evening hmb. DS1 woke me up at 4am shrieking (happily). It's always a dodgy time because he takes 2 hours to get back to sleep- so as he's getting sleepy around 6am it can sometimes stay awake because it gets too light. Luckily he did go back to sleep- otherwise I would have had a very grumpy 4 year old to deal with this afternoon (and a MIL arriving)

[hmb]

And which would be worse, we all wonder???

We had a reasonable night. Ds was up twice,, but went back to sleep quickly.

We've just come back from the local university where ds was taking part in an experiment on child development. It didn't go quite to plan as he insited on taking the equipment apart to see how it worked. Well, I did warn them that he is a kinasthetic learner! His speech has come on quite a bit over the last 6 months, so I don't worry about him quite so much. He is still quite a handful, but he is the sort of kid who needs to be allowed to run around.....I still can't quite get over how stupid that article was!

[doormat]

Oh you are not alone. Must of been something in the air yesterday. I was ready to pack my bags and leave coz I had had enough.I was in a foul mood, coz I am sick and tired of cleaning, washing and generally looking after children who fight like cat and dog and cant speak to me properly, namely dd13 and ds9. They are both grounded now until they start treating me with a bit of respect.

I hate it when I get in one of those moods coz I have a go at all of them inluding dh.(except for 2 little ones) But at the same time it clears the air and all of them then shift their backsides into gear, instead of leaving me to do it all.

[moosh]

Definately something in the air. Love the little cherubs, but they do know how to put you through it. How do you get through to them when they are screaming. On the way to MIL yesterday a.m d.s 3.5 decided to have a screaming fit in the car because he wanted to wear his sunglasses, but the screw was loose on the side of them and they were falling off his face. I proceeded to say to him, "Let mummy look after them and when I get in from work we will fix them and you can wear them then, o.k?" Oh no, definately not o.k, screamed all the way to MIL's I even had to pull over and with gritted teeth, told him to BE QUIET! I was really glad to drop him off where he greeted Grandma with a huge smile. So I know how they can bring you to the end of your tether.

[Jimjams]

hmb- I've just emailed the lovely Professor! Now I feel better anyway. I also sent her the diagnostic criteria for autism and suggested she read it (politely of course).

Mind you I have discovered she's also the idiot who thinks mainstream school is a suitable place for every disabled child in the country. (ALthough juding by the Times artice she doesn't want them to get any extra support) So I will be holding her indirectly responsible when we have to start home edding ds1 in a few years.

[hmb]

Oh God!!!!! So she is to blame!!!!!!!!!!! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

I see it all Jimjams, all I have to do with my ADHD boy is get him to run around at break time and that will cure him of his desire to set fire to things during practicals. And his reading age will then shoot up from 7, where it is now, to his chronoligical age of 13. No funding needed at all, no one to one assistance by trained staff, lets just get him climbing the D* tree in the grounds.

You could weep!

[willow2]

Yes hmb, it is soooooooo obviously your fault for being a "bad" parent! (As if there isn't enough guilt to deal with on a normal day)

[hmb]

Sorry, It's my fault because I'm a bad teacher! The boy I mentioned is in my class. So we are all at fault! If only the parents and teachers would see sense and let them all run around then all our problems would be solved!! I daft woman has obviously nevel been in a room with a child with ADHD or ASD. These kids need funding and help not patronising. It make sme want to spit, and I only teach the boy, what must it be like for his parents.

[Jimjams]

well yes- she has been called some choice names on my auti lists. And who can blame us. I did thank her for making my life that little bit harder. (and if you read one of the threads on SN you'll see she's already being quoted by parents across the land).