My 2 year old is driving me mad

[pamelat]

Am sick of her.

Posted before re her challenging behaviour, think worse than other 2 year olds.

She whines, shes teenager-ish, difficult, defiant.

She has just woken up her 14 week old brother by screaming, as per usual about something minor whilst looking in the mirror to watch herself tantrum

I do love her and some times she is wonderful but for the majority of the time at the moment she is driving me mad.

I have had to stop breastfeeding (yesterday) because of her awful behaviour and anger.

I really dont feel I have the energy to cope with her.

I am very lucky that she is currently at nursery 3 days a week, 2 as of next week (to save money) but today even 2 hours this evening with her has been more than enough for me

I have done everything, lots of praise, time with just me and her, time out, speaking to her calmly, ignoring her ..... shes still too difficult.

I am sure the fact that I am not getting much sleep, have an essay due in on friday and have stopped breastfeeding contribute but sometimes I think I dislike her , only momentarily. I love her but shes driving me mad. I feel quite angry towards her.

DH feels the same so I know its not just me being hormonal . I know she is genuinely difficult. Even her grandparents are getting sick of it.

At what age are true behavioural problems apparent?

Has anyone had any success in diet changing a todders attiude/behaviour?

[pamelat]

She is very bright and can vocalise just about anything (constantly) so I would have hoped tantrums would have decreased. Shes 2.7

[meandjoe]

Hiya again ,didn't want to leave your post unanswered! U already know my ds was a piggin' nightmare to handle from birth!

I promise every month it does get easier, you just probably don't notice it and she's probably still adjusting to the introduction of new baby brother.

All sounds normal to me but u are bound to be worn out, u have a 3 month old and a toddler which must be such a difficult combination.

I don't know much about behavoural problems but fwiw I was always convinced there was something 'not quite right' with my ds but honestly he turned 3 last week and he is just lovely. Don't get me wrong, he has his moments, like today when I actually ended up threatening to throw all his play dough in the bin if he didn't help put it away, probably an over reaction on my part but I had had enought of the constant 'you do it, you do it!' on and on! He can be grumpy and moody for no reason but this is getting less frequent. He loves to argue which is draining but the tantrums have all but vanished over the last few months.

She does sound challenging but I am sure she will grow out of it. At this age my ds was so much better than he was as a baby but no where near as easy to handle as he is now. The older they get, the more understanding of consequences they have which helps you to deal with them so much better.

If u are really worried, have u tried asking your health visitor?

On a purely selfish note now, can I be nosey and ask how your ds is? Is he difficult as your dd was or is he more chilled? I only ask because I am terrified of having any more children for fear of having another 2 yrs of screaming and me in tears!

[pamelat]

Hello meandjoe again.

Ds is lovely much more chilled than DD was/is. He is very smiley/calm/happy - she always cried He doesnt sleep very well, I dont think I make very good sleeping children.

I feel a bit better now that she is in bed and can think more rationally.

She has a lot to contend with. We moved house 7 months ago, she has a 3 month brother and her best friend from nursery is leaving tomorrow (to live in Kuwait) . I know its hard for her but I just dont feel able to deal with it right now but I guess I have no choice

I am going to have a glass of wine (very rare for me nowadays)and an early night. I will ignore my essay deadline for now ....

Thank you. I always worry something is "wrong" with her.

[drivingmisscrazy]

pamelat - poor you. I think you know in your heart of hearts that you are asking too much of her - you sound like you're struggling to cope and you're an adult and can rationalise (sometimes, anyway ) - nothing in her life is the same as it was and her mummy is tired and cross with her - and she is just old enough to understand the emotional impact of these big events, but not big enough to have any coping strategies. Is there anyone who could take DS for an afternoon now and again so that you can reassure DD that you still love her and have time for her? It sounds like she just wants your attention to me.

Tell me to sling my hook if I'm completely out of line

[msupa]

Oh dear, I don't have dc2, but expecting and my ds is well... challenging too. Am terrified of how I am going to cope with 2. I know it won't help, but pleased to hear that others also do sometimes dislike their kids. I dislike mine sometimes, and like you - I adore him. ds was difficult throughout, still is, but better than when he was a baby. What can I say, hold tight...

[pamelat]

Thank you.

I feel awful as dread the days with both of them, and yet have "chosen" to increase these in the hope that it may improve her behaviour and save me £40 a week!

I want to cherish these days but they are bloody awful at times.

She is jealous of DS and I feel for her. Have given up breastfeeding mainly for her as she hated it and would scream about it, even in her sleep "mummy DONT feed him"

She has even told me that she is "angry" and that SHE is my best friend.

I have told her that she is my special little girl (helps that he is a boy ) and that I love her very much. now that I have decided to bottle feed will be able to have just mummy and dd time.

I have taken her swimming for an hour by myself every week since he was 6 weeks old, dont think shes been very grateful

Shouted at her this morning and now feel terrible as its her best friends last day at nursery. We have got her a card and wrapped a gift and told DD that one day she may see her again. She varies between upset about it and then saying "doesnt matter as XXXX is not my best friend" Fickle!!


I love her dearly but she can be so awful. She is the most forecful little girl "MY do it!!" to everything. I let her o most things but I have to draw the line. She gets cross that she cant go the shop by herself for example!!

I think I just need more sleep.

[pamelat]

Quick update. She woke up SCREAMING at 11pm last night. I couldnt decipher what or why, only that she was in melt down - a night time tantrum? took 2 hours to calm her down.

Worst ever. DS then up 3 times so 3 hours sleep in total.

Bit worried about her now. She had taken bed pants off, wet the bed and screamed/sobbed for 2 solid hours. It had been her best friends last day at nursery but she seemed fine about that?

[nickstermum]

hi pamelat perhaps echoing what someone else has posted, me and mummy time may be needed. maybe she needs more input, baking cakes or something like that you can do together (if you have the energy) My DS behaves really nicely, but everything is 'i do it by myself mummy' totally independant. She obviously is feeling left out about the feeding, maybe with bottles you will be able to involve her more to help with the bottles sort of as a reward for being good?

she obviously has lots of change going on at the moment....

[fairydusty]

OMG Pamelat - you have just described a day in our house - i am at my wits end and have been up since 5am between feeding baby and dealing with my dd tantrum. Today i will be honest i flipped and have emptied the house of all her toys and banned tv for the rest of the day - i know this is stupid but feel since i said it (in a fit of rage) i need to follow through.

I have tried everything - we do lots together and i make sure she is praised when good we have a reward chart and spend time together without my ds. Yesterday we baked cakes the day before we went and got her hair cut (something she enjoys) -

I am well aware it must be something i am doing wrong but no idea what - my dh thinks i maybe dont say no enough but everytime i do say no to anything she screams blue murder for an hour.

Like you at times i really don't like her - she always plays up as soon as i start to feed her brother (seems to be a common thing in toddlers). I do love her to bits but feel that every day is a struggle and one that i'm not sure i can cope with much longer - sometimes nice not to feel so alone!!

[pamelat]

Hello fairy thought we had had a breakthrough when yesterday she played quite happily at a soft play centre with 2 of her friends that she has known since babyhood.

However, today DH had both children whilst i had to write a uni assignment and she was awful by all accounts. Awful included 4 wee on the floor incidents, including at his dads work. He says he did keep taking her toilet but she never wanted to go.

Running away, never listening, throwing lego when he had to feed ds and lots and lots of screaming.

She is worse with him to be fair. She does seem to do what i tell her at least sometimes.

When they got back she was so lovely and gave me a great big hug and "mummy mummy mummy love you" but after 10 mins of hugging and talking to her, I turned my attention briefly to ds, que full on tantrum

Its one thing to offer most of your attention and praise to your toddler, I am not happy about completely ignoring my little baby after my first time ever being apart from him

[Katytots]

Hello fellow mums
I found this old thread about challenging toddlers as I have had such an awful day and really needed to hear that I was not alone.
I love my son to bits, he is 2 and a half and in the last week or so it is like a switch has been tripped and my old son has been kidnapped and now I have this teenager in a child's body!! ?? Where has my little boy gone!?? I cannot reason with him at all. I am at my witts end, am
Exhausted as my hubby and I both work shifts( inc nights) and we have no family around and no friends we can ask for help. Everyone is busy with their own lives. On the rare occasion that I ask my mum for help, she makes me have to feel really 'grateful' or tells me I am 'using ' her?!! We have grown apart as she shows little interest in her only grandchild?! I cannot understand it and feel so frustrated and resentful at my parents because they cannot see how much we need their help and support right now. Mum is retired and I don't know what she fills all her time with as she only lives an hour away and yet we never see her!
I am so angry, tired and resentful all at once. We have to pay for any slight help we can get. Our son is good at going to sleep at night but has only ever slept beyond 7 two or three times since birth, normAlly waking somewhere between 0430-0530 and this is making my husband and I super tired and now we even snap at each other because we cannot agree on how to solve this early waking problem! We Re both tired all day and then each day is off to a bad start, taking turns to get a midday rest if possible before one of us goes onto nights!
Today I felt so Alone and sad. My son errupted whilst tying to combine walking the dog and him on his bike. He kept stopping, screaming, laying on the floor, hitting and kicking me and shouting defiant things. Eventually I decided to film a little of his behaviour on my phone,( because I have just signed up for triple p course and wanted to illustrate how he is with me) . Anyhow, he was making so much commotion that a woman leaned out of her window and started to tell me I was a bad mother for filming him doing this and that I should realise he was tired!!! That really helped , you can imagine!!! So I turned to this stranger and said she could come And help me if she was so interested as I said I was having a hard time! She mumbled something equally unhelpful and went away. Then my son screamed louder than ever, I really never saw him this upset before. He would not let me hold him, cuddle him, talk to him calmly, he just kicked and hit me with a blood curdling scream. This went on all the way home, dog still pulling me the other way, husband at work and me between night shifts ( my childminder had to cancel at short notice because her father passed away) .

Even when we sit down together and play one on one, he owes his temper at the slightest thing, throws the train set or rips up the picture we are drawing or pulls all he puzzle apart soon as we are getting finished. He seems to relish a row and always wants to do the opposite of everything I suggest; shoes on, shoes off, story, no story, fish fingers, no fish fingers, nap, no nap! But rubbing eyes and falling over his feet all day because he is exhausted too! Just want us all to have a nice time.
He goes to nursery a few hours each am now, which flies past as I am usually cleaning, washing, shopping etc or recovering from a night duty. He loved nursery, but now the teachers tell me he is a pickle, will not pay attention to any grown ups and help tidy away. He regular hits other children and I walked in on him just after he had smashed another boy hard in the face with a plastic elephant and the child was distraught! I felt so bad and firmly but calmly told him off in front of the child and made him apologise. He thinks it is funny to hurt people. He puts my special photos and jewellery down the floor boards and even when I tell I'm it makes me feel sad.

Help help help! This is also impacting on my marriage as we are always tired and grumpy at each other and never have time or energy or right frame of mind for intimacy. I feel like we are growing apart, we seldom get any time together. I have no siblings to ask, nor does my hubby.

Any ideas, please I would be so grateful xxx sad mummy:(

[Happydaze247]

Hi Katytots. I haven't really got any advice, sorry, but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

I can relate a little to what you're describing. My almost 2 year old can go from 'darling little girl' to 'screaming banshee' at the slightest thing. The worst thing for me is that very often nothing will soothe her when she's like this. She won't be cuddled and is too wound up in her own tantrum to hear me if I try to talk to her. I've been so close to losing it with her that I've left the room a few times.

I also hate it when she has a tantrum in public. I'm quite a shy person and I find the attention excruciating. These judgy people need reminding that THEY were children once and it's perfectly normal (but bloody awful) behaviour. I make a conscious effort not to stare if I see a child having a tantrum although I sneak a look to see how the parent is dealing with it

Could you and your dh book some time off work to regroup as a family? Maybe a short holiday? I know how hard it is not to snap at each other when you're both so stressed out. As long as you both know that you are only doing it because you're under a lot of pressure. Perhaps sit down and explain this to each other might help?

[LittlePink]

Do you ever look at her when shes being good and wonder how such a little angel can be such a terror at other times?! I do with my 2.2 yr old. When shes good shes so great to be with, loving, engaging and funny and I wonder if ive imagined how horrendous she can be at other times. She is like Jekyll and hyde, one minute heaping kisses and cuddles, singing nursery rhymes and dancing around and the next telling me no go away mummy, don't touch me. Stop stroking my hair. I dont like it. Erm ok sorry your majesty. Shes very strong willed and its a power struggle as to who's actually in charge here, which is me! (or so i try desperately!) So we have a lot of clashes and I worry for her teenage years! I don't really have any advice as to how to solve the problem as I struggle every day to know how to handle her and her wild moods.