How do I tell Very tricky DD toddler I'm going away for 1 night

[SigningMum1]

Hi, not created my own thread before!
I have decided to cash in a birthday present from about 3 years ago. I'm going away for one night to a health spa.

Anyway. Question is, how do I approach telling my DD, who is 2 years 4 months old, that I'm going away? I'm going next tuesday night and want to start telling her tomorrow. I feel that nights can't get much worse when she does wake up, but paranoia says that I'll be driving back from the health spa at 1,2,3 or 4 am to resettle her back in to bed.

She gets stars if she sleeps through the night and gets a prize when she has 5. I've also said on 2 occasions she can have a malteser in the morning if she sleeps through, generally on a friday or saturday night and still she'll not sleep through. Bribary etc doesn't seem to work

I feel slightly sick at the thought of leaving my DH with my very tricky DD (I also have a DS 3years 10 months). She will not accept DH at all for cuddles, reassurance, anything, this is during the day and at night. I've never been away before and hope that out of sight will be out of mind. DH has, let's say, less patience than me.

She wakes up most nights and can take up to 2 hours to re-settle. Have tried on various occasions to let her cry but meltdown happens and she will still sometimes cry for the full 2 hours even if left. Leaving her is generally a no no.

On the plus side, she is fabulous and lights up a room with her comedic behaviour!!
Thank you
Emma

[Runoutofideas]

I wouldn't tell her, until you are about to walk out of the door. Then I'd just give a breezy "bye, see you tomorrow" and waltz out as though it's a completely normal thing to do. Your DH will probably have more patience with her when he knows he's got to do it all himself, and I'm sure your dd will accept his cuddles if he's the only option! I would maybe specifically ask DH not to ring unless it is an absolute emergency. A couple of upset hours in the night won't actually harm either of them and you deserve a night off.

[kiwidreamer]

I agree with Runoutofideas, dont build it up to be a big deal if you give her loads of notice its possible she'll get herself worked up / worried and then you'll feel guilty or even be tempted to put it off and not go.

It wont hurt either DD or DH to have one unsettled night and just maybe it will be a good night and all go smoothly - if you project nervousness about the situation its possible DD will pick up on this and play up / get stressed out as she will sense something is out of the norm.

Perhaps over the next week start getting DH to try and comfort her if she wakes so its not too weird for her if he comes to resettle her on the solo night?? Maybe start with him coming with you as you do the main settling and then you go with him as he does the main settling - can only be helpful longer term too if he can share the duties??

Enjoy your spa break!!

[TonariNoTotoro]

agree with the other replies - don't build it up into a big thing for her to get anxious about. If you do feel that you should mention it, do it once about an hour before you leave, and then definitely do the breezy goodbye, see you tomorrow at the door.

enjoy your night off ! :)

[Rainbowbubbles]

I also agree with these replies, tell her just before you leave and make it light and breezy, no big issue. And besides this may actually be what your husband and DD need for a bit of bonding

Just a thought - i know you've tried the let her cry technique but give it another go and stick to it. I can't guarantee it working but it's worth a go. As she's a bit older it may take a week or two (better than a year or two!) I did it with my DD when she was 6/7 months, it took 4/5 days - the longest she cried was 3 hrs, I did go to her, place my hand on her back, settled her then walked away. No eye contact, no milk, no chat...she got bored and has slept at night for the next 5 years like an angel.

[SigningMum1]

Thank you :o

Will let DD know and then do the light and breezy leaving. really helpful, thank you.

I'll get DH to come in with me if she's up during the night. Have tried this before, didn't work, but am definitely willing to give another go.

Bearing in mind she's been up 4 out of the last 5 nights, I think anything is worth a shot!!!

[ajandjjmum]

Leave her a small present to open in the morning if she's been a good girl.

Maybe bribery will eventually work!

[ajandjjmum]

Leave her a small present to open in the morning if she's been a good girl.

Maybe bribery will eventually work!

[ajandjjmum]

OK then - maybe two presents!!!

[SigningMum1]

Thanks ajandjjmum. In the hope that DD's temp doesn't go out of control, I will wrap something(s) up. Very good idea! :o

[Latootle]

my youngest grandson aged 7 1/2 who plays his mother up appallingly most mornings is an absolute angel with his father. who has now twice had the boys for nearly two weeks whilst my daughter had to be away. so dont worry its only one night.