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Go away Mummy

(18 Posts)
Holly02 Sat 26-Jul-03 08:30:25

My usually loving & affectionate ds has justed starting saying this to me the last few days... and when I try to give him a hug or a kiss, he pushes me away!! Is he growing up already? A bit hurtful isn't it! Sigh...

He's also started to do something he KNOWS is naughty, while looking me steadily in the eye at the same time - almost as if challenging me.

I don't know who this child is but he's not mine.

Oakmaiden Sat 26-Jul-03 09:59:53

It suinds like he might be mine, though....

You don't say how old he is, but I expect it is just a phase. My ds goes through patches where he loves me to bits, and others where he acts like I am nothing at all to him. i think they just want to know that if they are horrid to you then it doesn't change anything - you still love them, so they can take all their grumpiness out on you. Hard though, isn't it? It will pass....

Janstar Sat 26-Jul-03 11:00:50

For goodness sake woman, he is 35 now, let him go.....only joking I presume he is in the 'terrible twos'? This is perfectly normal, they all do it. I have just typed this three times because my 2 year old won't leave the keys alone - when I told him off he said 'I DON'T WANT YOU!'

He is testing his boundaries. They like to do this because when they hit a boundary it makes them feel secure. They also like to exercise choices. He IS challenging you - challenging you not to stop loving him no matter what.

He wants to know what will happen if he behaves in a certain way. He is learning about life.

Try not to take it personally. He doesn't mean it at all. Five minutes later he will be loving again. I am sure that if you respond consistently he will soon drop this behaviour, since it will not gain him anything.

Holly02 Sat 26-Jul-03 11:39:46

Lol Janstar

He turned 3 last weekend, but has been acting *horribly* the last few days - just generally being defiant and not wanting me to be near him as much as before. For about a year now he has been excellent with his sandpit, he never empties the sand anywhere else. BUT - this afternoon he filled up a bucket of sand and dumped it right outside our patio door, and looked me at me directly in the face while he was doing it. AARRGHH!! Then tonight he was a right pain while my parents were here, being disobedient and naughty the whole time. I remember saying to dh last week how GOOD ds has been lately, but I guess I'll have to eat my words.

Hope tomorrow is a different day.....

expatkat Sat 26-Jul-03 13:56:57

Ds does this to me too--and then 2 minutes or 2 hours later, he showers me with affection. It's a sort of game I think, designed to get a rise out of you. (Boundary pushing, as Janstar says.) It really is _not_ the beginning of some longer-term separation from you. They seem to need their mummies for a good, long time.

The acting up when grandparents are around also sounds familiar for that age.

And yes: never, never say how good they've been lately.

Lindy Sat 26-Jul-03 15:39:45

This is exactly my DS as well (he was 2 in March) 'go away mummy' is definately his favourite expression.

We've recently introduced sitting on the stairs as a 'time out' ......... so now he'll do something naughty and immediately say ' now I'll sit on the stairs' .... & go there quite happily by himself ....... I did'nt think it was meant to work like that!

codswallop Sat 26-Jul-03 15:41:45

my son" mummy will you excuse me while i get back to my game"!! i felt knee high!

misdee Sun 27-Jul-03 12:48:30

after my 3yr old dd informed me she needed a wee-wee i followed her to the toilet to put her seat and step in place, she looked at me and said 'leave me alone now'. i had to wait outside the door till she was done. are the teenage years approaching already???

Boe Mon 28-Jul-03 08:58:19

My daughter ranges from telling me every other second that she loves me and misses me and then tells me she is busy and can I not bother her!!

She also won't let me go near her when pooing on the toilet but asks DP as he will sit and pull straining faces with her - she is just so yucky sometimes.

I feel like this too though - DP is lovely but sometimes I just want him to leave me alone and DD can really make me tetchy when she follows me around all day (she does this frequently and I think is just trying to trip me up so she can laugh) - it is normal to have emotions and not feel totally at ease with everyone all of the time and to want to be alone or just left be for a while - don't react and just stay away for a while - DD/DS will come running for you as soon as they want you and you can in the meantime - sit back drink wine and pretend that you are 18 again!!

dot1 Mon 28-Jul-03 12:54:38

Misdee - you're right - I often think these days that having a toddler is just preparation for having an adolescent in the house! Our ds is only 19 months, but also does that thing of looking right at you when he's doing something incredibly naughty....

He also sometimes tries to push me away when he's with my dp - telling me he doesn't want me - which is really hurtful. This happened yesterday when we all went swimming. Dp was holding him and I went over to get him for a cuddle and he started crying and pushing me away. I was really upset, but then about 10 minutes later he came to me no problem and I got lots of cuddles!

What are they like?!

oliveoil Mon 28-Jul-03 13:04:13

My dd - 9 months!!!! - crys when dh leaves the room but gives me a 'yeah whatever' glance when I do. Starting early.......

Utka Mon 28-Jul-03 13:10:07

My ds, who's 2.5, veers between being the devil's spawn (kicking, spitting etc.) to saying things like "I love you mummy, you're so special", generally in equal proportion.

Really agree with the advice so far. Someone once said to me that during this phase it's more important than ever that you're consistant in how you respond, and don't let them get away with anything you don't want them to. They're looking for you to crack, but deep down, don't want you too, because you're mummy. By being strong and consistent, you're providing them with a clear idea of where you stop and they begin, what's OK and what's not.

(Of course, this is so much easier to write, than do!)

aloha Mon 28-Jul-03 13:38:42

He's not 'challenging' IMO, he's experimenting. They want to see how you react and see if you do anything interesting and if you do the same thing every time. If my ds does this and is doing something I don't want him to repeat (eg pulling on a wire), I simply don't meet his eyes and pretend to be doing something else. It takes a bit of nerve but it has worked 100% *so far*. Our reactions are the most interesting thing in the world to them, and the only real way they have of learning about being a human and how the world works.

BigBird Mon 28-Jul-03 14:55:21

Interesting, aloha. What if, like my dd (19m), she is deliberately doing something that you can't really just ignore because she could hurt herself. For example, she will climb onto a kitchen chair and stand up on it, saying to herself 'down, down' and then she will sit down and say 'good girl' (copying what we usually say to her). This happens routinely! I feel if we ignore her she will stay standing on it and risk falling. There are times when you feel you should say 'no' but then again you don't want to be saying it all day long. Also, for the most part, saying No and moving her from the offence doesn't deter her from doing it again.
I do try to choose my battles though. Any advice?

bloss Tue 29-Jul-03 05:06:38

Message withdrawn

RossCharnock Tue 29-Jul-03 16:08:06

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janh Tue 29-Jul-03 18:31:18

Ross, this message should be under Media/non-member requests and you should pay mumsnet for posting it.

Paula71 Thu 31-Jul-03 22:46:46

God help me but my 19 month old ds twins do that "I:m doing something naughty mummy, see me, what are you going to do?" look. Both of them.

Sometimes at the same times!

They don't really speak but they do push me away sometimes and it is crushing.

And they know it!

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