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Bad day with 19 month old ds - help please

(4 Posts)
anchovies Sun 21-Aug-05 18:54:38

Ds is going through a really bad stage with dh. He is constantly hitting and biting him. I am starting to think there may be a funny jealousy thing going on as it got much worse when dh started a new job after being made redundant and being off work for 2 months. He has virtually never hit me and has never bitten me but dh gets bitten and hit constantly when he's at home. Today has been particularly bad, dh was away yesterday and last night, so no daddy for bedtime which is very unusual.

When he bites/hits him one of us kneels down and tells him it's very naughty to hit/bite daddy and I then proceed to say poor daddy and give him a cuddle and say sorry on his behalf. At this point he starts screaming and crying hysterically which I ignore but it doesn't stop so in the end I tell him he should say sorry to daddy at which point he goes and gives him a kiss. The same thing happens again within an hour. His comprehension is very good and I am certain he understands everything that is said. The only thing I do wonder is whether he realises it's something naughty or just sees it as a way of getting attention?

Problem is I am not sure whether we are being consistent enough with him and also was wondering if this could really be some sort of jealousy thing? It's getting out of hand and I would really appreciate some tips as to how to handle it.

colditz Sun 21-Aug-05 19:03:21

I don't think he will understand that it is "naughty" as such, as at 19 months he has a limited idea of what will cause his own pain, never mind the pain of someone as part of the furniture as Daddy!

I would remove him completely from the family unit for 1.5 minutes every time he does it. Never mind saying sorry, and kisses and cuddles, because biting daddy has become a way to have big cuddles, full attention, and a neat little rountine.

I would put him in his pushchair facing the wall for his time out, and do it by the clock, completely ignoring all screaming, retching and talking until time out is over.

Donbean Mon 22-Aug-05 15:51:25

I agree, its working for me.
Granted it is taking time, a few weeks but gradually this behaviour is subsiding.
You need to warn him that if he does it again then he will go on naughty step etc to give him the opportunity to be good.
My ds is hitting, pinching and throwing things at people.

Nemo1977 Mon 22-Aug-05 15:58:02

i agree with colditz time out works best for my ds 22mths. He sits on a bean bag in the hall and we ignore him for 1min then call him back in and tell him why he was in time out both before going in and when he returns..i dont have to use it as much now.

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