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Using your maiden name as baby’s middle name

(79 Posts)
LittleRa Sun 22-Nov-20 08:17:19

What are people’s thoughts on this?
(all fictitious names used in example!)

My maiden name was Miss Johnson. I got married and changed my name to Mrs Jones. I had DD who is now 6 and her name is Sarah Jones. I separated from exDH and divorced but I kept the name Mrs Jones- as it’s the same surname as my DD, plus I’m a teacher and all the children at work call me that.

I’m now with my lovely DP Mr Smith, and I’m pregnant. The baby’s surname will be Smith- it wouldn’t be my surname Jones, as that’s my married name to someone else, and it wouldn’t be my maiden name Johnson as that’s no one else’s name (other than my parents and sister, so no one in the household) so I’m happy for the surname to be DP’s name Smith.

I was wondering about using my maiden name as a middle name, e.g. Emily Johnson Smith (we’re having a girl). As I said, Johnson isn’t the real name but it’s equally as surnamey, it wouldn’t pass as a name. Would people assume it was a double barrelled surname (which I don’t want)? Should I choose another “first name” type middle name in addition so e.g. Emily Rose Johnson Smith? Or scrap the maiden name middle name altogether?!

Thanks for any thoughts!

OP’s posts: |
JohnLapsleyParlabane Sun 22-Nov-20 08:21:33

I think it's fine, but I like lots of names.
Our children are Name FamilyMiddleName BonusMiddleName MyFamilyName Parlabane

We have had no problems as when the introduce themselves they are Girl Parlabane and Boy Parlabane

SymphonyofShadows Sun 22-Nov-20 08:24:35

My DC have first name, middle name, my name, and then DH’s name as surname. They just think of it as a second middle name.

TotoroPotoro Sun 22-Nov-20 08:24:40

I think it's fine and know others that have done it

TaraRhu Sun 22-Nov-20 08:26:49

I kept my own name after marriage and did exactly as you suggested. My sons middle name is my surname. No one ever asks or uses his middle name so as yet no one has thought it was double-barrelled. It's very clearly a last name though. I pleased with my choice and will probably do the same with my second. Who knows why they will think when they are older though!

CayrolBaaaskin Sun 22-Nov-20 08:27:21

It’s fine and traditional in some places. My ddS have my name and their fathers name as a surname (no hyphen). They can use one or other or both as they choose.

melisande99 Sun 22-Nov-20 08:27:33

I think it's fine but give her a "normal" middle name too. That way, when all her classmates are having the "what's your middle name" conversation, she can say "Rose" instead of "Johnson", which obviously sounds a bit bizarre taken out of context.

Sforsh49 Sun 22-Nov-20 08:29:28

I work with a couple of people who have done this. We don't see their kids as double barrelled, they are Sally Smith with middle name Johnson. I really like the idea and if I'd have had kids would have done it myself!! Go for it!

Todayisgood2 Sun 22-Nov-20 08:29:49

We have name, middle name, my surname, surname no problem at all.

LittleRa Sun 22-Nov-20 08:31:54

Thanks for the replies. Seems pretty positive!

OP’s posts: |
GaraMedouar Sun 22-Nov-20 08:32:50

Given that Sarah is Sarah Jones and not Sarah Johnson Jones, I’d just call new baby Emily Smith. So there will be 2 x Jones and 2 x Smiths in the family. Otherwise Sarah may feel left out when older that she didn’t get Johnson in her name too.
I say this as someone who’s older brother got a middle name , but I was only given a first name - and always felt hard done by that my parents couldn’t be bothered to even give me a middle name! (Only half joking grin). Funnily enough the same happened to my cousin and we spoke about it as adults and she felt the same as me!!

Another option would be to call new baby Emily Jones Smith. So putting your now surname as a middle name. It is not your exH’s name , it is your legal name and also her siblings name. So it would give your DD’s a link. And also your surname would be in her passport too for taking her abroad etc in the future.

CaptainMyCaptain Sun 22-Nov-20 08:32:50

It was traditional in My Dad's family up until his generation, he didn't continue it with my sister and me.

premiumhob Sun 22-Nov-20 08:33:40

Would people assume it was a double barrelled surname (which I don’t want)?

No. On any legal forms you would write 'Johnson' in the 'forenames' box and 'smith' in the surname section. Aside from filling in legal forms literally nobody knows your middle name unless you tell them, but it's not a genteelly used name or a day to day conversation

MercedesDeMonteChristo Sun 22-Nov-20 08:34:04

All our 3 are FirstName MiddleName MySurnameMiddleName OurCollectiveFamilySurname

THey are just known as First Name Monte Christo.

whatsagoodusername Sun 22-Nov-20 08:35:47

I have a middle name then DM's maiden name, which is absolutely a second middle name, not a first surname.

It's been fine, apart from when someone in the NHS decided it was my maiden name and wouldn't listen to me that it wasn't (it's somewhere in my records for my pregnancy with DS2). But that only happened once in forty years.

Einszwei Sun 22-Nov-20 08:36:57

As someone who dabbles in genealogy - in the past it was very common for a maiden name to be given as a middle name. Sometimes that maiden name would also be passed down as a middle name for generations.

Fruggalo Sun 22-Nov-20 08:37:06

Another one saying that first name second name surnameasamiddle name surname is fine.

I’d feel a little sorry for your eldest though who won’t “fit”, but hopefully you can explain easily.

Blueemeraldagain Sun 22-Nov-20 08:38:18

My brothers and I all have unused first name, used second name, middle name, middle name, maiden name, surname.
I never really gave it much thought but my mum has recently been diagnosed with advanced and complex dementia and having her surname (my father died when I was 15) does make me feel closer to her. I’ve even discussed using it in future children’s names with my DP.

The only thing I would consider is adding it to your other daughter’s name too.

dementedma Sun 22-Nov-20 08:39:29

It's pretty common here in Scotland. I know many people with this arrangement

Fleetwoodmacs Sun 22-Nov-20 08:39:38

Yeah I have mine as their middle name. We aren't married yet (super long engagement!) But will do it at some point and I like the idea of keeping a bit of my name going.

LittleRa Sun 22-Nov-20 08:41:50

GaraMedouar

Given that Sarah is Sarah Jones and not Sarah Johnson Jones, I’d just call new baby Emily Smith. So there will be 2 x Jones and 2 x Smiths in the family. Otherwise Sarah may feel left out when older that she didn’t get Johnson in her name too.
I say this as someone who’s older brother got a middle name , but I was only given a first name - and always felt hard done by that my parents couldn’t be bothered to even give me a middle name! (Only half joking grin). Funnily enough the same happened to my cousin and we spoke about it as adults and she felt the same as me!!

Another option would be to call new baby Emily Jones Smith. So putting your now surname as a middle name. It is not your exH’s name , it is your legal name and also her siblings name. So it would give your DD’s a link. And also your surname would be in her passport too for taking her abroad etc in the future.

Thanks for the thoughts. My DD’s middle name is my sister’s first name, so fictitiously Sarah Kate Jones, and she’s very close to her Auntie Kate, and makes a lovely link to my side of the family. One of the reasons I was thinking of the maiden name surname is that I don’t have any similar female relative names to use this time- both my mum and DP’s mum’s names are a bit confused (think along the lines of Bertha, Brenda, Margery). He just has a brother and I just have a sister.

I did wonder about using my 6yo DD’s first name as a middle name for new DD, as a link between the sisters, so Emily Sarah Smith. But DP isn’t sure about that?!

OP’s posts: |
melisande99 Sun 22-Nov-20 08:44:41

Would "Sarah" be pleased with it either? (Her little sister having her name as a middle name). Might make her feel a bit overlooked, even though you'd be doing it for the opposite reason?

premiumhob Sun 22-Nov-20 08:45:11

Don't get too tied up with the idea of 'links' when naming your DD. She already had a link with her sister. They are siblings. She doesn't need her name too.

SimonJT Sun 22-Nov-20 08:58:14

We would like to do similar.

I have a son, I’m marrying my partner in April and he is taking my surname so we all have the same surname. As a nod to his family if we get approved we are going to add both his old surname and our family surname to the end of the childs name. So it will be childs first name, childs surname, partners old surname, family surname.

So for example James Smith would become James Smith Taylor Brown.

CoalCraft Sun 22-Nov-20 09:54:48

I know a few people who were named this way and in each case the mother's maiden name is a second middle name, so as in your example "Emily Rose Johnson Smith" (actually the three cases I know are all men, but that's irrelevant).

It doesn't cause any confusion because they just go by "Emily Smith" in day to day life, and it only comes up as a bit of trivia the topic of middle names is raised.

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