Baby name regret at 3 years

(75 Posts)
Andfeelingsad Tue 21-Jul-20 09:03:30

I don’t really know what I’m hoping for from this thread, maybe some advice from anyone that’s been in a similar situation. I basically have always regretted my daughter’s name. My husband wouldn’t discuss names before she was born and we ended up choosing something really popular in a rush to name her. He then refused to change it when she was tiny which I so so wish we had done. She is now 3 and I still can’t get over it. All these threads where people talk about names being overused and boring make me feel guilty. I hate that people will be thinking these things about my lovely daughter and worry she’ll go through life hating her name. I had some fairly unusual names on my list and I wish I had used a more special name that I truly loved. But obviously she’s far too old to change it now so I’m just not sure how to move on and stop obsessing. Has anyone felt the same and found it got better?

OP’s posts: |
Finfintytint Tue 21-Jul-20 09:06:35

Yes. Move on and stop obsessing.

DazzleCamouflage Tue 21-Jul-20 09:11:17

For every person who says that a certain set of names are overused and boring, there are ten who say they are lovely, classic and popular for a reason. It’s too late to change your daughter’s name. Move on, and maybe think about your husband’s dictatorial tendencies.

Saz432 Tue 21-Jul-20 09:11:33

MN is not real life. I’ve never heard someone speak negatively about a child because they have a frequently used name, ever (although have heard comments about children with bizarrely spelled names). In real life, nobody is even thinking about the name choice, whether it’s common, what it means - it’s just your daughter. I honestly think you need to let it go and definitely stop worrying that others will be thinking badly of it - nobody cares honestly!

Onestepup Tue 21-Jul-20 09:16:49

Even the most popular girls names are only given to about 1 per cent of girls. So in 3 classes of 30 girls, or 6 mixed-sex classes, the likelihood is there would be just one girl with the name.

Whatsyourflava Tue 21-Jul-20 09:42:21

You get a totally skewed view of names on these boards as many of us are far more interested in names than the general population

Your daughter is 3 and like you say you can't change her name now and please remind yourself it's no longer important whether you like her name or not. It's whether she likes it. If she grows up and doesn't like it she can change it or go by a nickname

Is it really even that popular a name? I bet in real life you don't even know many people with the name?

I'll inbox you now

Whatsyourflava Tue 21-Jul-20 09:44:19

I bet no one is thinking negative thoughts about your daughters name. In real life people just are t that interested. I barely give my friends children's names a second thought and a name certainly doesn't make a person less special

For all the people on here who don't like common names, ive read plenty of posts from people who had a more unusual name- hated it- and don't want the same for their children

My name is mega common. I still love it

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Whatsyourflava Tue 21-Jul-20 09:46:20

I remember once reading on here

"The most interesting thing about someone should never be there name"

There's quite a lot of "out there" names where I live. When I hear a baby "Sophie" or "Emma" born for example it sounds refreshing to me!

By the way do you think you suffered from PND after the birth? I think I did , or maybe it was OCD. But whatever it was the lack of control about the birth led to me obsessing over things I could control (baby name regret etc)

BettyOBarley Tue 21-Jul-20 09:52:31

No one will be thinking negatively about it honestly, as pp said, no one thinks that deeply about it. It sounds like maybe because you felt rushed into the decision that's making you obsess over it but your dd is 3 now, it's time to let it go flowers
For what it's worth, my name wasn't a popular one growing up and I HATED it (still do at 40!). I always wished my parents had called me Claire or Sarah or one of the popular names!
My DS has a very very popular name but I couldn't give a monkeys really. I think all the stress parents put on themselves to pick something that's not "top 10" is a bit daft.

TheVanguardSix Tue 21-Jul-20 09:52:51

Oh OP, it's so true. You do get a totally skewed view of names on these boards as whatsyourflava said.

I actually never come across the 'totally, overused' names in real life. If it's of any comfort, I have an 18 year old Theo. Talk about the most overused name of all. Still, in all his years at school- he's off to uni soon- he had one Theo in his year 7 class of 120 pupils who moved away in year 8. Other than that, he's been the only Theo.

MN is not reality's poiint of reference. Not by a long shot.
Try and make peace with your regret. She will NOT hate her name. You need to try and get over disliking it yourself. That's not healthy for you or for her. And also, in reality, nobody gives names a second thought. Honestly, my eldest is 18, youngest is 6. I've been at the school gates a long time. And I can tell you, hand on heart, that I have no opinion on the names of the kids my children go to school with. Their names are their identities and that is all. Full stop. Nobody will be analyzing and judging your DD's name! I promise.

Orphlids Tue 21-Jul-20 10:15:43

Ooh, I like what @Whatsyourflava said about the most interesting thing about you not being your name. I also agree that other people really aren’t interested. Everyone is so busy with their own lives, they don’t have much time to ponder other people’s names.

I wonder if your regrets are more entangled with your husband’s attitude than your daughter’s (no doubt perfectly pleasant) name. I’ve never heard of someone refusing to discuss names before the arrival of their child. Sounds like he denied you a lot of the fun associated with a new baby. I think I’d find that difficult to get over. And it might be possible you have focused your negative feelings on your daughter’s name rather than have to confront the real issue. I do hope you can start to feel better about things, OP.

Pippilangstrumpfie Tue 21-Jul-20 10:36:59

My husband wouldn’t discuss names before she was born and we ended up choosing something really popular in a rush to name her. He then refused to change it when she was tiny

I think your issue is more that than the name itself. But yes, age 3 is far too old to change it.

puzzledpiece Tue 21-Jul-20 10:50:03

I hate my daughters middle name. My exH insisted on using the name of his ex fiancé who he still had feelings for. Luckily it's not used often, but either way it doesn't bother me now. It's a pretty name but I don't obsess over it

RunningFromInsanity Tue 21-Jul-20 10:58:56

Unusual names are great for the parents, less so for the child.

Lizadork Tue 21-Jul-20 11:38:07

I think a lot of your feelings will stem from husband's attitude and feeling rushed. A lot of us here have had baby name regrets even when we have taken months/years to decide and a million conversations. I know I did. It is ok to feel how you feel and over analyse but at some point, you will let go and accept that this is her name. It won't feel like it does today forever. Your feelings will evolve and who knows, she may end up a completely usual nickname unrelated to name. I know a Joan that is known as Tabitha.

FrugiFan Tue 21-Jul-20 11:44:54

It's time to get over it as it's too late to change it now. I have a daughter with a really common name - it's one of the ones which is always used as an example of a popular name when people say something like "I'd rather see a baby called Xenia rather than another Lily/Olivia/Emily"

Even so I dont know any other kids with her name. She is the only one at her preschool. We sometimes hear other kids at the playground with her name, but that's not a big deal.

PlantPotting Tue 21-Jul-20 11:48:57

I feel your pain. Baby name regret here too but husband also wouldn't change the name.
I hope you're ok.
Does she have a middle name you like?

PlantPotting Tue 21-Jul-20 11:50:49

I just ask about middle name as you never know she might pick to be known as her middle name in future anyway? Did you register a more unusual middle name, if not you could do that now

MikeUniformMike Tue 21-Jul-20 11:54:20

@Andfeelingsad, I'm one of those MNers who roll their eyes at yet another Sebastian, Raphael or Ezra, but it isn't my name. On here there's a pattern of a name being flavour of the month for a few weeks, where everyone seems to be using it (Currently Theo, Theodore, Teddy, Thea or Theodora).

It's her name now. She will be her own person whether you called her Eva or Eurydice. Learn too love it or have a nn for her that you like.

MikeUniformMike Tue 21-Jul-20 11:54:37

to not too

Cheeseybites Tue 21-Jul-20 12:19:34

I named my daughter something that wasnt particularly common although definitely not unique or unheard of either. It has low been in the top 5 names for the last 4 years running and although a little annoying,I have to let it go as it is her name and suits her and I loved it then and I love it now. Shes 9 by the way so its mostly little babies r toddlers with her name but who cares.

flooredbored Tue 21-Jul-20 12:21:35

I think there is a much wider use of names now, so even the most popular names, percentage wise are not as common as popular names of the past. For example, in the all girls school I went to (born in the 80s) it seemed about 50% of the school were named either Sarah, Clare, Emma, Amy, Katherine or Elizabeth.

Plus in the age of the internet there is a definite benefit to having a more common name.

IVflytrap Tue 21-Jul-20 13:00:08

The kind of people who go on baby name boards are the kind who think vdeeply about name popularity and such, but most people you encounter in everyday life won't think much about it, if at all. I've met people in real life who remark on names as being unusual when they are actually statistically highly popular. Most people don't know and don't pay much attention.

I have a very common name, was one of several at school and usyally referred to by my first name and surname together. I don't hate it particularly and don't think it has hurt my life chances or made people think of me differently to those with less common names.

I wonder if you feel the way you do more because the choice was taken away from you by your husband refusing to communicate about names before birth and then insisting on keeping one you didn't like? I could see how that would make it harder to get over.

As for your dc, you could always use a less common nickname?

Andfeelingsad Tue 21-Jul-20 13:42:05

Thank you everyone for all your kind words and insights. It’s actually hugely helped me and I totally agree, I do need to just get over it! I would never change her name or let her know I feel anything negative towards it. She knows her middle name as well so I probably wouldn’t change it now but it’s a good suggestion. ☺️

OP’s posts: |
celestebellman Tue 21-Jul-20 13:42:28

I had this with my daughter’s name for quite a long time - I used to obsess over it, at least until she was 3 or 4. It was a proper obsession as, though I recognised it was not rational, it was on my mind all the time and I would feel really stressed whenever I encountered another child with her name.
The name in question was one we’d spoken about, we both loved and it had a lot of meaning for us. Unfortunately it rocketed in the years after she was born (she’s now 12) going from practically unheard of to top 10!

I’m not sure when these feelings went away but they did - I think it’s probably to do with her developing into her own fully rounded and unique person with loads of attributes that are not just her name. I also started really liking the sound of her name again - which is what I liked in the first place. Despite it being one of these names often referred to on mumsnet as ‘not another one’ she has never had another girl with the same name in her class or at outside activities. I’ve also noticed that even names considered very popular, at school there don’t tend to be more than 2 in a class and even that’s rare. One year there were 3 Rosie’s in her class and she was the only one with her name - so it’s just chance really.

Also think it might be your husband’s attitude that’s more of a problem though.

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