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Name might upset my sister

(22 Posts)
BananaRaces Mon 13-Jan-20 12:55:22

The name which keeps coming out at the top of our list for DD2 is a fairly common name around here but was unfortunately also the name of one of the two girls who picked on my sister in school. I didn't think my sister would have an issue with it, as it's such a common name that lots of people have and school was such a long time ago, but when I brought it up with her she said she would be "a bit bothered" by us using the name. Unfortunately it seems to be the only name which both DH and I can agree on, after talking to my sister I searched around again but didn't find anything we liked better. I know it's ultimately our choice but I really don't want to upset my sister. I also wonder if once the baby arrived the association with the school bully would fade? I just don't know what to do and would like some opinions - would you use the name/not? Is there anything else you think we could try?

OP’s posts: |
TheMemoryLingers Mon 13-Jan-20 13:01:28

You know your sister - does 'a bit bothered' mean just that, i.e. not ideal but not a huge issue, or is it something that is going to fester and spoil your relationship?

If you could post the name without it outing you, Mnetters might be able to suggest similar alternatives.

PlantPotting Mon 13-Jan-20 13:01:35

I recon if you give your sister a bit more time she’ll get used to it really quickly

You’ve done the right thing. I think it will work out fine and you should stick with if

PlantPotting Mon 13-Jan-20 13:01:41


sel2223 Mon 13-Jan-20 13:08:53

It might actually be a good thing for your sister....associating the name with her lovely niece from now on instead of associating it with a bad time in her past.

74NewStreet Mon 13-Jan-20 13:12:11

There are literally millions of names to choose from. Why choose one which has negative associations for a close relative?

Cohle Mon 13-Jan-20 13:13:39

I pick something else. The knowledge that I'd knowingly chosen a name with such a negative connotation for my sister would spoil the name for me too.

There are hundreds of thousands of names for you and your DH to choose.

ConstanceL Mon 13-Jan-20 13:15:38

There are so many names out there, why pick one that you knew in advance might upset you are someone close to? Maybe you are thinking she should just get over the name association, but bullying has a life time affect, so if I were you I would pick another name from the almost infinite number out there!

BananaRaces Mon 13-Jan-20 13:21:23

@ConstanceL thanks for your reply, I do know that bullying has a lifetime effect, in fact I had a considerably worse time of it in school than my sister did. The difficulty I'm having I think is that I would be fine if the situation was reversed, but I suppose everyone feels differently about these things...

OP’s posts: |
ConstanceL Mon 13-Jan-20 13:37:16

I think I'm would feel the same with you and be ok with it, but if your sister has specifically said it would bother her even a bit, that would make me rethink. Although the mean girls in my school all had really 80s names like Lisa, Kirsty, Dawn and Joanne so not names that would be on people's lists so much these days!

GloriousGoosebumps Mon 13-Jan-20 13:53:29

I'd be concerned that your sister couldn't get over the negative connotations of the name. You'll be hoping your sister develops a deep bond with your daughter but she might find she can't see beyond the name. Then you'll probably have more children and it may be that she bonds with the later children but not this daughter. That would be disastrous for your daughter.

I wouldn't take the risk. I'd simply choose another name.

user1493494961 Mon 13-Jan-20 17:37:53

I'd go with the name you love, I think your sister really needs to get over this. You say this is a common name so she must have come across people with it many times since.

katy1213 Mon 13-Jan-20 17:39:58

It's not about your sister. Choose the name you love.

2020BetterBeBetter Mon 13-Jan-20 17:39:59

I’d be worried that my daughter would constantly remind my sister of being bullied and that it would be detrimental to their relationship.

Whoops75 Mon 13-Jan-20 17:46:18

I wouldn’t use the name, my dh rules out a name I liked for the same reason.

IncrediblySadToo Mon 13-Jan-20 17:48:57

Millions of names in the world and the only one you can agree on is the name of your sisters bully 🙄

It won’t keep coming to the top of the list, if you do the only decent thing, and take it off your list.

BananaRaces Mon 13-Jan-20 19:12:33

OK, enough people are saying it might continue to be an issue for my sister after the baby is here so I think we'll have to take it off the list completely and go back to the drawing board. I'm not willing to risk it becoming unpleasant for anyone. Thanks all.

OP’s posts: |
NoSauce Tue 14-Jan-20 09:50:31

Good call OP. I also think it wouldn’t be right to have used it. What sort of names do you like, so we can help you choose?

Marlena1 Wed 15-Jan-20 20:50:37

I read a thread on MN not so long ago where OP's sis had done this and the OP said it affected her relationship with her niece.

Flymetothestars Wed 15-Jan-20 21:04:24

@BananaRaces you sound like a lovely sister

In the meantime your sis may well approach you off her own back and say she doesn’t care anymore

Let us know if we can help you picking a name

Thefaceofboe Wed 15-Jan-20 21:28:59

There are literally millions of names to choose from. Why choose one which has negative associations for a close relative?

OP has said it’s the only name they both agree on, that’s why?

Urkiddingright Wed 15-Jan-20 21:58:31

I’m sure you’ll find another name to agree on. I wouldn’t do this to my sister and frankly wouldn’t want to name my child something with such negative connotations anyway.

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