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Whose surname??

(23 Posts)
somersetsoul Mon 19-Mar-18 19:48:51

I am expecting no 3 with a new dp. He assumed the baby would take his surname. I have two children already who don't share my surname and I certainly don't want to go through that again.

Has anyone given their baby the mothers surname? He is shocked and clearly unhappy but why should I agree to that again? Where is the written rule that says babies of unmarried parents take the fathers name??

CotswoldStrife Mon 19-Mar-18 19:52:04

I'm sure you know there is no rule, it's just a custom you can take or leave if you wish.

From your DP's point of view, perhaps he is wondering why you won't use his name for your baby when you were happy to use your ex-partners.

chezmk1988 Mon 19-Mar-18 19:52:23

Could you not use both names? I can understand why he would be a little upset at not having his name as baby's surname at all. Almost like you're presuming the worst already of him but i see your point also. Compromise.

questabellatreetop Mon 19-Mar-18 19:52:38

My eldest has my ex partner's name and I also kick myself about it. Can you double barrel? My youngest only has my DH name because we're married, if we weren't I would definitely have double barrelled or just given him mine.

questabellatreetop Mon 19-Mar-18 19:53:09

Do you intend on getting married and if so would you change your name?

dementedpixie Mon 19-Mar-18 19:53:21

Could you use his as a middle name or double barrel it

Bythebeach Mon 19-Mar-18 19:53:53

All three of mine have my surname.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand Mon 19-Mar-18 19:54:14

I would double barrel it.

Aprilmightmemynewname Mon 19-Mar-18 19:55:58

Right - this may sound complicated - when I got divorced and engaged to now dh I changed my surname to dp's first name!! So ds has his df first name as his surname!! When we got married I just kept it as it was!!

ohamIreally Mon 19-Mar-18 19:56:00

Why did he assume the baby would be taking his name? Has he proposed marriage and asked you to change your name?

fannythrobbing Mon 19-Mar-18 19:57:15

I'm due baby no2 any day now. Baby 1 has my surname. This one will too. My partner wasn't bothered but his mum was but if we split I'd be the primary career and I refuse to have a different name to my children. Saying that I'm not sure I'd change my/our names if he and I married anyway!

somersetsoul Mon 19-Mar-18 19:57:48

I've suggested double barrelling it, he wasn't keen. If it's a boy it would make a nice middle name. I'm not keen on marriage so don't see that ever happening! It would be lovely to share my name with one of my children!

ThisIsThe Mon 19-Mar-18 20:00:10

My view is that children have the same surname as their main career (which is normally their mother)

BurtTyrannosaurusMacklin Mon 19-Mar-18 20:01:05

My daughter has my surname. My partner was happy with it and neither of us could see any reason why she should automatically have his name because of an outdated tradition. I’m not sure how I would have felt if he’d insisted she had his name, especially as we have no plans to marry and even if we did my name may not change. I imagine we would have compromised and double barrelled.

Winchester13 Mon 19-Mar-18 20:01:29

My daughter has my surname so my next child will too x

TinoTheArtisticMouse Mon 19-Mar-18 20:03:41

We used mine. OH was actually surprised when I started a conversation on the options. It never occurred to him that the baby wouldn't have my surname (he already knew that when we marry I would be keeping my name though).

GaraMedouar Mon 19-Mar-18 20:05:32

In my opinion babies should take mother’s name. If parents are married and share same name then baby will have father’s name too. I gave my DD my surname. ExP not chuffed - but we are now separated, he pays no maintenance, and quite often lets her down on contact too as something ‘better’ comes up than seeing his daughter . I’m very glad she has my name.

Pannacott Mon 19-Mar-18 20:16:25

Our dc have one surname each for each parent. I didn't want to be the only one in my family with my surname. DP has suggested that when we marry, he and other child would change to my surname.

JamMakingWannaBe Mon 19-Mar-18 21:04:54

DD has my surname. DP’s surname is her 2nd middle name. No negotiation on this. Not married, not ever going to be so why would baby have his surname?

somersetsoul Mon 19-Mar-18 21:15:53

Thanks all 🙂 This baby will defo have my name, my dad will be over the moon! Not sure how dps family will react...

Gemini69 Mon 19-Mar-18 21:18:26

Why did he assume the baby would be taking his name? Has he proposed marriage and asked you to change your name?

THIS with bloody great big howling bells on hmm

oh I see your update.. Congratulations and well done lady flowers

somersetsoul Mon 19-Mar-18 21:21:31

Dps brother is married, they decided she could choose their children's names because the surname was his. They now have 4 and she's picked every name! Dp assumed we'd do the same!

IdblowJonSnow Mon 19-Mar-18 21:24:09

Have the baby keep your name. Mine Havre their dad's and it's a huge regret to me - and source of resentment - and we're still together, and married! It's ridiculous how few families take on the woman's surname in this day and age regardless of whether you stay together or not.

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