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Family stealing names

(35 Posts)
motherfiver Thu 11-Jan-18 13:51:27

Is it not common etiquette to not name your child a name that a child in the close family already has?

Dp's sister is expecting in a few weeks, and has said DS's name is in their top 3 for a boy, but has assured me it will be spelled differently if they choose it.
I mean I don't own the name and I'm not bothered enough to make a fuss but I'm definitely hoping they don't use it and I will be quietly pissed of if they do.

Would you do this, or be annoyed if someone did it to you?

MaitlandGirl Thu 11-Jan-18 13:58:02

My mums eldest sister and youngest sister both called a daughter by the same name, there’s at least 25 years between my cousins but it’s still a pretty odd thing to do.

Oysterbabe Thu 11-Jan-18 14:48:06

I think it'll be a bit odd and confusing for them that your in-laws will have 2 grandchildren with the same name. I wouldn't personally use a name a family member has.

Joinourclub Thu 11-Jan-18 14:54:15

I think it's odd. Don't be all repressed and resentful, be honest and tell them that you understand you don't own the name, but you'd be disappointed if they used it.

Needmorehands Thu 11-Jan-18 15:02:38

My DS and cousin have the same name as they are both named for mine and cousin's Grandad, but we may see him twice a year so no major confusion - even without the 30ish yr age gap! However, the same cousin has just had his first son and I love the name they have chosen but wouldn't consider choosing it for my bump

Squ1ggle Thu 11-Jan-18 15:04:57

Meh, it wouldn't bother me. My mum is one of 5. Out of her 4 siblings one never had children and the other 3 all had children with the same name, nobody was ever bothered

greendale17 Thu 11-Jan-18 15:07:07

*the other 3 all had children with the same name, nobody was ever bothered*

^How bizarre.

frasier Thu 11-Jan-18 15:07:25

I knew a family with two (married in) brother-in-laws with the same name. They got around it by calling one "Peter" and one "Pete". It was still confusing.

What is the age difference? You may get "Big Pete" and "Little Pete" if there is a reasonable gap. Not ideal imo.

MiniMummy576 Thu 11-Jan-18 15:14:25

Maybe she's watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding too many times? wink

But seriously, it's a bit odd.

Squ1ggle Thu 11-Jan-18 15:15:30

greendale not really, it was a very popular name at the time and my aunties and uncles simply liked it, wanted to use it and their siblings were happy for them to do so. They also had other children with different names

pallisers Thu 11-Jan-18 15:17:27

I have several cousins with the same name as does DH. My sister called her eldest after our dad. If my youngest had been another boy, I think I'd have done the same.

Sparkler09 Thu 11-Jan-18 15:18:18

My cousin did the same with a name. We had a girl named a traditionally male name. A few months later she did the very same and changed one letter.

We're no longer close for it to be an issue, but there was an eye roll moment.

To be fair our family is full of kids named after parents and grandparents, I was lumped with my mums and my bro got my dads.

Annoying. Just so annoying. I'm so glad people don't do that as much anymore.

AdaColeman Thu 11-Jan-18 15:18:58

I have a younger cousin with the same quite unusual name as me. Within the family she is known as The Other *****, so it isn't a situation I would want to inflict on a child at all.

MrsTiggyWinkle3 Thu 11-Jan-18 15:54:24

It's bizarre. As Ada has said, it's likely that one will be known as the 'other' or 1 and 2 which is not nice.

Children need their own identities.

Crunchymum Thu 11-Jan-18 15:56:57

MN posters love to tell you that you don't own a name / there is nowt wrong with cousins sharing the same name / It's fine to copy names from family members etc.... it's complete bollocks.

It is weird for first cousins to have the same name, it is very unoriginal and a bit lazy to use the same name as close family or friends and it is fucking cheeky to use the name you know someone in your close family is going to use.

Figrollsnotfatrolls Thu 11-Jan-18 16:01:07

Don't worry - she will look like she copied you!!

gingerclementine Thu 11-Jan-18 16:04:20

I dunno. My sister married into a big Irish family where a B-i-L and her F-i-L happen to have the same nme as my brother and father. She then went on to name her own children by those names so at any given gathering there are three people by that name. Quite common in lots of families. And then DH married me, with same name as his sister, and DC have three other uncles also with same name through marriage.

Bibijayne Thu 11-Jan-18 16:39:53

My DH is called James. My sister's hubbie is called James. Oops!

flutteronbynow Thu 11-Jan-18 19:17:43

I would be so annoyed! There are enough lovely names to avoid doing this. I would never use the name of a friend's or family member's children, no matter how much I loved the name. Hopefully they choose another name, OP!

summermeadows Fri 12-Jan-18 12:20:41

I have a nephew a few weeks younger than one of my sons, when my DB asked what names we'd picked I said "xxxxx".
A while after that he said they were going to call their baby (if a boy) the same name.. tbh I was a bit hmm but kept schtum and prayed my baby would be born first!
He was and we named him "xxxxx". My DB was disappointed we'd used "xxxxx" but insisted their baby would still be called the same first name (despite the fact the 2 boys would see each other a lot and go to the same school, etc) as they'd have different surnames!

Anyway, their baby was born and my SIL refused to use "xxxxx" and called him a different name. Think my DB was most put out!

saritah Fri 12-Jan-18 12:40:21

That's really annoying and I'd be peed off too! I love one of my SIL's kids' names but would never dream of giving my baby the same name as its cousin – different spelling doesn't make it any better! Can you subtly suggest they use it as a middle name rather than a first name to avoid family confusion, etc.?

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag Fri 12-Jan-18 13:39:21

Depends how popular the name is tbh. If it’s William or Oliver I don’t think you can really warn her off it.

Lou1324 Fri 12-Jan-18 20:24:10

I am expecting DC2 next month, if we have a boy it will be named after DHs grandad who passed away a few years ago. My cousins boy already has this name but we rarely see them so feel we just need to have it for our reasons. My auntie and grandma will probably be unhappy tho. It's a popular top 20 name anyway

Wordsmith Fri 12-Jan-18 20:27:29

My great grandad was one of 13. Children commonly died in infancy then and the next baby to be born would often be given the same name as the most recently deceased one. There were 3 Johns amongst his siblings.

WhatIWant Fri 12-Jan-18 20:30:13

It wouldn't bother me if it was a common name and I don't think it would be confusing. DHs family reuse name a lot. It doesn't cause any problems.

I did a variation on this by naming my first born after my aunties cat 😉

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