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Any tips for getting stupid relatives to get over not having someone named after them?

(23 Posts)
Grimmfebruary Wed 01-Nov-17 23:01:49

I've posted previously about my relationship with my dad. I was going to go NC but I decided to just reduce contact to an absolute minimum. Which has been lovely.

However he's obsessed with me naming my son after him. I have no desire to name him after anyone. I've tried telling him politely, I've tried to being blunt short of losing my temper with him. Still he will not give up.

Any suggestions to make it sink in this baby will not be carring any of his names on?!

(He thinks he's such a victim because he has 3 daughters so really believes that I should give my baby his last name and not my dp's. I hate my last name and just wouldn't saddle a baby with a name I can't stand.)

Justmuddlingalong Wed 01-Nov-17 23:06:18

You tell him that him and your DM chose their kids names. And you and you DP will be choosing yours. If that fails, reconsider NC.

CoffeenoTea Wed 01-Nov-17 23:06:21

Tell your dad, the babys dad said no.

bridgetreilly Wed 01-Nov-17 23:08:22

Just give the baby the name you want. That should make the point clear to him.

Couchpotato3 Wed 01-Nov-17 23:13:41

Just have a stock response ready every time he raises the subject.

"Dad, we've decided that the baby's name will be xxxxxxxx. It's not up for discussion, so please stop talking about it". Then move on. It takes more than one person to have a conversation, so if you don't engage with him, he can't keep on about it. You can always leave if he won't stop, or if he's at your house, go in another room. Easier said than done, but if you really don't want to talk about it any more, he cannot force you.

Couchpotato3 Wed 01-Nov-17 23:14:26

Ultimately, you can call the baby what you want and it really doesn't matter whether or not the idea 'sinks in' or not. It's his problem, not yours!

sycamore54321 Wed 01-Nov-17 23:17:10

He sounds terrible (on this point at least). His position is the absolute height of arrogance. He named his own children, you name yours. Saying your partner really doesn't like the name Bob is one way. Another is to point out that it wouldn't be a great honour to him if you named Bob Junior simply because he pressured and bullied you into it. To lighten the mood, suggest he is welcome to change his own name by deedpoll to whatever you choose?

Grimmfebruary Wed 01-Nov-17 23:17:33

I had no intention of appeasing him by doing it, we've told him it's not up to other people what we call him.

He will nag over text, over the phone, in person. Usually when he's drunk. So we could have the conversation 12 times and he would have no recollection of it.

He's only 'interested' because the baby is a boy. He's already been telling people how he wants nothing to do with the baby because he doesn't want grandchildren...

tallwivglasses Wed 01-Nov-17 23:24:18

It's a proving his fertility thing. Don't entertain it.

Worldsworstcook Wed 01-Nov-17 23:27:08

Excellent comeback!

BrioAmio Wed 01-Nov-17 23:27:59

Name a pet after him and tell him that the baby can’t have the same name as the hamster...

BenLui Wed 01-Nov-17 23:28:40

Ignore any baby name related texts.

Change the subject any time it comes up.

How are you going to handle him once the baby is born? Is your DH prepared to help you stand up to him?

Grimmfebruary Wed 01-Nov-17 23:29:25

Just saw sycamore's suggestion to tell him to change his name 😂

I wouldn't care if he had actually shown any interest in my upbringing, he was a shit dad and I have no real belief he'll be any better as a grandparent.

Wolfiefan Wed 01-Nov-17 23:34:58

How often is he calling drunk?
Hang up.

Grimmfebruary Wed 01-Nov-17 23:45:47

He's a high functioning alcoholic, he's always legally drunk.

Recognisably drunk, at least 4 times a week. I do hang up. I put my phone off. So he harasses family members to get in touch with me. (They don't but it's not the point).

Wolfiefan Thu 02-Nov-17 00:03:36

I would go NC. I really would. You don't want this drama around your new baby. I'm sorry but you need to put your child first.

Grimmfebruary Thu 02-Nov-17 00:43:22

as much as I don't want him around my baby I find going NC hard as my 14 year old sister then gets the brunt of it. Hence why I was on minimal contact.
I'm not giving him my new address once I move. And with a bit luck he's going to move away for work again 😂

Awwlookatmybabyspider Thu 02-Nov-17 01:12:37

Do you have any brothers. Did he name them after 'his father, or did he name you the femine form of your grandfather's name.
If not he needs to with the greatest respect, shut up. The only people who have a say on names are the parents

Ttbb Thu 02-Nov-17 01:17:27

Just laugh at him and say no way next time and see if he stops after that.

TheDowagerCuntess Thu 02-Nov-17 01:23:24

Why do you continue to engage with him over it?

Isn't this just a bit of a game for him, and every time he gets a rise or of you (which is every time he brings it up), it's a bit more entertainment for him? You say he 'forgets'. Yeah, right. Some instances, I'm sure, but come on.

Ignore the text messages. Shrug your shoulders when he brings it up in person. What's he going to do?

He'll soon get bored when he doesn't get a reaction anymore...

pallisers Thu 02-Nov-17 01:30:06

You don't have to do anything. This is his problem. Not yours.

Just ignore. Call your baby what your want. When/if he complains say "not interested dad" and move on.

Seriously, this is only a problem if you let it be one.

I suspect what you are really asking is "how can I make my dad behave like a reasonable human being and be interested in his grandson rather than his name being in honour of him. How can I make my Dad less of an alcoholic dick".

The short sorry answer is you can't. your dad is a self-absorbed alcoholic dick. Your child will have the name you gave him. These are two separate issues.

If I were you I'd block your dad.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Thu 02-Nov-17 08:40:21

Just tell him once and for all, face to face, very calmly, " Our baby Son's name is not a debatable issue, your constant persistence is becoming very wearing, so let's just leave it at that. There is zero chance of us naming him after you, or anyone else.

Grimmfebruary Thu 02-Nov-17 10:01:51

I'm the oldest of 3 girls, he's made it clear he feels disappointed he only had girls and wants my son to 'continue his name'.

I just feel guilty that if I go NC or block him my sister who is 14 gets the brunt of it. I've tried point blank ignoring it when he brings it up, he just keeps going and once he's got something to run with he will not give up.

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