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Middle name feud

(24 Posts)
katyou Sat 22-Apr-17 13:28:19

We are expecting our first baby in August and are very excited. We don't know the sex and have made a short list of both boy and girls names we both like, however, if it is a boy I would like to have his middle name as James after my dad who I am very close with. The only problem is is that my partners dad is also called James (they don't get on, never have and never will) and he thinks that if we have that middle name his dad might think that it's after him and is currently refusing to agree to the middle name James. Am I being unreasonable by continuing to want that middle name for our baby or should I let it slide and think of other options? hmm

Rainatnight Sat 22-Apr-17 13:29:17

That's really tricky. I can see it from his POV too. Does your dad have any middle names that your could use?

BeyondThePage Sat 22-Apr-17 13:30:11

I would let it slide to be honest. Do you want your DH reminded of someone he obviously hates every time he sees his own son's name?

lifesjoys Sat 22-Apr-17 13:30:17

Tell your DP to suck it up. It's your dads name too

katyou Sat 22-Apr-17 13:31:18

@Rainatnight he doesn't. It's tough because my dad has done and continues to do so much for the both of us and I know he would be over the moon if we named them after him. Maybe I'm just reading too much into this or maybe I should just hope that baby's a girl so we can avoid this blush

HecateAntaia Sat 22-Apr-17 13:31:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateAntaia Sat 22-Apr-17 13:32:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

troodiedoo Sat 22-Apr-17 13:33:08

I think you have to drop a name if one parent has a strong aversion to it, and your oh has good reason. Does your dad have a middle name you could use? Something similar to James? Jim, Jamie?

WankersHacksandThieves Sat 22-Apr-17 13:35:28

You could let your Dad choose the middle name to acknowledge all the help and support he's given you?

MikeUniformMike Sat 22-Apr-17 14:43:10

Both granddads James. James as a middle name is great then. Your H can choose the first name or your DD's name.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Sat 22-Apr-17 14:49:29

Does your Dad have a middle name? maybe that would work.

KateDaniels2 Sat 22-Apr-17 14:51:23

Did you take dhs name when you got married

If so use your dads surname.

It might be a bit weird if you have the same name as your dad though.

John smith smith

KateDaniels2 Sat 22-Apr-17 14:53:26

Sorry just seen dh is actually DP.

Although you still might not have the same surname as your dad or baby night4be getting Dps surname.

katiegg Sat 22-Apr-17 15:02:33

We had something similar with ds2. I wanted to use my grandad's name as his middle name, husband wasn't keen as it was the same name as a member of his family who he had issues with. we used it in the end, and husband made a point of saying 'his middle name is X after katiegg's grandad'.

Talcott2007 Sat 22-Apr-17 15:06:10

I would ask your Dad to help choose the middle name. Do you even know if he likes his name? My middle name is after my DGrandma (very old fashoined that hasnt become trendy again like some of them have!) she actually really didn't like her name growing up becuase it has quiet few unflattering nicknames attached to it so to be honest wasn't that impressed when I got lumbered with it too!!

EverythingEverywhere1234 Sat 22-Apr-17 15:39:20

As someone who doesn't get on with their father the abusive cunt , I'd be horrified at the suggestion of calling my child the same name as him. Sorry, but personally I think you should let it go.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite Sat 22-Apr-17 16:19:19


Let's say it like that. If DH wanted to name the LO after my grandfather? I'd refuse. He was an abusive cunt that hurt my family in many ways... And if he insisted (he wouldn't...)? Idk. I honestly think I couldn't stay with him (maybe a bit overdramatic...)

Which is why I do see where your partner is coming from.

I like the suggestion of letting your father choose a name! smile

NennyNooNoo Sat 22-Apr-17 16:52:33

I interpreted the title too literally. Thought you wanted to call him James Feud...

TesticlesInTheBlender Sat 22-Apr-17 17:03:06

Me too noonoo

Knittedfrog Sat 22-Apr-17 17:10:07

Came on to suggest dad's surname or dad choosing a name. Bit late with both suggestions.

katyou Sat 22-Apr-17 17:44:26

Thanks everybody! I think I'll bring it up once more and if he's still against it then I won't mention it again halo

Jooni Sat 22-Apr-17 20:51:59

I think letting your dad pick the middle name would be a lovely gesture!

IMO it's unfair of either parent to try and force a name on the other which has really negative associations for them, even if your own associations with the name are really positive. Naming a baby, and relationships and parenting generally in fact, is all about compromise and respecting the other partner's views too.

SuperBeagle Sat 22-Apr-17 21:23:05

I had an issue like this. I wanted to use my dad's name for DS1 but my dad was a junior - named after his dad who was awful and who he resented hugely.

So I didn't use the name as I didn't want to give my family the satisfaction of thinking he had been named also for Name Senior.

I wouldn't use the name if he feels that strongly about it.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 22-Apr-17 21:26:17

Maybe offer df a list from which to select or fuck knows what you may have to agree to!!?!

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