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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Baby names

Baby name etiquette

36 replies

LokisSister · 17/03/2017 15:30

I never thought this would bother me.

My dc have classic names- ds is just climbing into the top 100 and ds is now in the top 10.

Pregnant with ds2. Most people know I'm having a boy but only close family know what I'm calling him.

Cousin just announced on Facebook she's having a boy and calling him The same name I've chosen. It will be the same first and last name but different middle name.

Whilst I know no one owns a name, it's upset me. She was one of the few people that knew what I was calling him and it's tainted it for me.
I'm due 10 weeks before her and I am still going to use the name (it's a modernised version of my grandad and uncles (on my mums side, she's related on my dads side) who both passed away)
I know it has no significant meaning to her which is what is annoying me the most. I've had to block her as in the past 4 days there's been over 20 posts with 'can't wait for x to be here' 'look what I've bought for x' etc and it feels like she's trying to rub it in and claim the name before I use it. I've messaged her and told her I'm upset but she's read and not replied.

Sorry, there's no meaning really to posting this but I'd rather write it here than keep it inside.

OP posts:

Report

ScarletSienna · 17/03/2017 15:32

I think you're right. Most people don't announce the name on FB before the baby is born so the fact she has done so and so much suggests to me she is trying to 'claim' it so that people think you've copied her.

I'd still use the name and rise above it. If anyone mentions it, I'd say that she loved the name you chose so much she chose it too.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 17/03/2017 15:34

Sounds like your ds will have a nicer dm anyway!! Use the name and block her and just enjoy ds and his name!!

DaisyBlameless · 17/03/2017 15:44

Ignore it.

Sophronia · 17/03/2017 16:24

Yes, just ignore her and use the name anyway. Especially as you're due before her.

Pencilvester · 17/03/2017 16:28

Yes, what the others have said. I can imagine how annoying that must be for you, but do just ignore it.

1horatio · 17/03/2017 16:29

Agree with everything already said.

Especially Scarlet's advice...

LokisSister · 17/03/2017 16:36

Thanks. I am trying my best to ignore it but it keeps niggling I really can't believe she's being such an arse. Unless one of us moves, they'll be going to the same school and be in the same year group so I'm sitting here thinking of practicalities and how the dc will be affected whilst she's playing silly buggers on Facebook. I really don't want to change his name, and the fact that I'll be having mine first probably won't stop her calling her little boy the same name either (she's a stubborn cow, as am I)

I just wish I had have kept it to myself in the first place.

OP posts:

Notmyrealname85 · 17/03/2017 16:46

Honesty I hate these posts because people expect everyone to take the higher road! Ugh it drives me crazy when couples do this, it's so inconsiderate - for all they know, this could be a incredibly meaningful name to you! It just shows lack of imagination, ugh how basic

Notmyrealname85 · 17/03/2017 16:47

And if you've come up with great names before (and ones worth stealing!) maybe keep your options open :) what sort of styles of name do you like?

LokisSister · 17/03/2017 16:58

It's nothing unique or unusual tbh, The name is Vinny. After my grandad Vincent and uncle Vince.

Surname is quite popular, begins with 'C' and is often suggested on these threads as a boys first name.

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 17/03/2017 17:01

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she already had this name lined up because the alternative is that she's made the massive decision of what to name her child just to annoy you. Do you think you feature that prominently in her life that she would do that?! Is she unhinged?

I would try and find another name if they're going to be at the same school, in the same year, with the same full name. It's not worth the hassle for your son or being really irritated every time you hear his name.

LokisSister · 17/03/2017 17:09

Nuffsaid that's the thing, I don't know? We get on quite well usually so can't see any reason for her being like this.
She was quite indifferent to the name when I told her back in January, said it sounded like a mafia name(?) and told me her boy and girl choices which were remotely different, so for her to do a huge U-turn is puzzling to me.
I'm reluctant to choose a different name as there's always the chance she doesn't use it then I will have missed out on having the name I love for nothing.

OP posts:

Minniemagoo · 17/03/2017 17:10

See I'd post something like
'Our Vinny isn't even here yet and he already has a follower!' and spend the rest of the time referring to her 'second Vinny'.
But yes it's probably best to take the high road and not react.
Go ahead and use the name, if anyone comments then you can say how you were using the name first and the reasons.

Minniemagoo · 17/03/2017 17:12

Its very possible if you do call your DS Vinny that she will change her mind and spend months being a martyr because yiu stole her name.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 17/03/2017 18:00

Maybe she is hoping, that you will choose a different name.
Stick to your guns OP, she may well change her mind, when your DS comes along.

user1459464195 · 17/03/2017 18:19

That's horrible OP. I'd advise you to take the high road and find another name for your DS. Make Vinny/Vincent his middle name though.

Kazzawazza69 · 17/03/2017 18:26

This would really upset me if I was in your shoes! I would be really reluctant to change the name you had your heart set on, especially as your baby is due first. In case she is stubborn and sticks with Vinny, could you perhaps spell it Vinnie just so there is a slight difference?

Kazzawazza69 · 17/03/2017 18:28

I also like minnemagoo's advice about referring to her baby as Vinny number 2 or something similar but I don't know if that would just cause more trouble!

Pibplob · 17/03/2017 18:31

I would normally say use it anyway but not if going to be in same class at school as cousins with the same first name and surname. Use it as a middle name and find another lovely name for his first name. You can tell her that you were going to use it anyway but your friends all agreed it was like a 'mafia name' as she said so you went right off it. (Once her baby is called it)

FartnissEverbeans · 17/03/2017 18:36

I would just have acted really excited on fb and made sure I posted so all her friends could see.

"Oh wow, another Vinny! Mine is due first but I don't mind you sharing it winky face although I'm surprised you didn't mention it to me when I told you we were going to use it! Oh well, can't wait for Vinny version 2! How funny that you chose the same name as me! Lol"

I would really have rubbed it in as well, like minnemagoo says. Posts about 'the other Vinny xx' with her tagged so all her friends see it etc

Passive aggressive, moi?

Kazzawazza69 · 17/03/2017 18:43

Yes I love that Fartniss!

TheDowagerCuntess · 17/03/2017 18:44

You can see exactly how this is going to play out, when you call your DS Vinny. She's going to make out to everyone that you copied.

So as of this revelation wasn't annoying enough, there will be a second blow to come when you reveal your name (at what should be a happy, celebratory time).

You either need to decide on a new name (no matter how much you know you chose
It first, it will appear to everyone else like you copied), or you need to do exactly as Fartniss suggested. And soon!

Depends how much you love and want the name.

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PollyBanana · 17/03/2017 18:49

Yup. Refer to her baby as Vinny the Second, Vincent II (is that a pope?) or Vince Junior

ButterflyFree · 17/03/2017 19:03

That's scandalous OP! She's clearly stolen the name from you! I would be so upset if this happened to me. My SIL and I are both due our first babies (both boys) in July and I'm terrified she might pick the same name as us - she's due a few weeks before me. We have to pick Arabic/Islamic names so it's a slightly limited selection pool but I'm soooo attached to the name we have chosen and I'll be mortified if she goes for it too.

You chose the name first and you actually have sentimental reasons behind it; I don't agree with anyone telling you to find another name or move it to the middle name, because you shouldn't have to adjust your meaningful plans to accommodate a name thief!!!

The best thing is that you are due before her, so definitely make it very clear to people about your family connections to the name as soon as you welcome little Vinny to the world. Surely they will be able to put two and two together and realise who came up with the name first, and who had the most significant reason to use it!

mistermagpie · 17/03/2017 19:49

Where I live Vincent is not a common name at all (it's on my list for my baby so I've done my homework!), so I would have to assume she's been 'inspired' (to put it nicely) by your choice, which is a bit shit.

I would still use the name and when you announce it I would emphasise that it's after grandad and uncle Vince. Your baby will be here first anyway and when he is, she might very well have second thoughts on the name.

This is why I keep my name ideas to myself or just ask advice on here!

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