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Is it wrong to not use chosen name, as they're stillborn?

(53 Posts)
Dovie Thu 24-Nov-16 18:26:00

This is a really sensitive subject, so obviously I don't mind you saying it is/isn't wrong, but just don't be really spiteful smile

We had a name picked out, from the day we knew he was a boy.

Would it be wrong to now not use this name, just because he was stillborn? It seems like I don't love him doesn't it?

Stinkingbagwash Thu 24-Nov-16 18:28:02

No it doesn't seem like that, look on it as choosing an even more perfect name for your little angel. flowers

WitteryTwittery Thu 24-Nov-16 18:28:38

No, not at all. People always have their hearts set on a name and then when their baby comes it doesn't feel right, and they change it. You call your little boy whatever you want, it's no-ones business but yours.

Hugs to you, OP.

glitterandtinsel Thu 24-Nov-16 18:29:07

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've not been in this situation. It is up to you to do what feels right to you. A name doesn't mean love, it could symbolise love to you. Love is love, a feeling. flowers

sailawaywithme Thu 24-Nov-16 18:29:21

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

SandunesAndRainclouds Thu 24-Nov-16 18:29:25

No, it doesn't seem like you don't love him.

You call your boy any name that you think suits him. Plenty of people choose a name and then change their minds. He will always be your son, so name him something you love and can use forever.

Sorry for your loss flowers

Dovie Thu 24-Nov-16 18:30:20

It's just I imagined the name we picked out being a baby, toddler, little boy running around, grown adult with kids, etc... that's not going to happen, so I'd rather keep it for if we were lucky enough to have a son that fitted my image of living, if that makes sense?

Not because I don't love him or anything.

IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname Thu 24-Nov-16 18:30:33

Sorry for your loss. You can chose your beautiful boy any name you wish. flowers

bellabelly Thu 24-Nov-16 18:30:37

Exactly what stinking said. Lots of parents have a name already chosen but then change their minds. Sorry for your loss.

Rainbowqueeen Thu 24-Nov-16 18:31:06

It's not wrong at all. Like PPs said people change their minds for all kinds of reasons and no one thinks they love their L O less.

He will always be your special little boy no matter what you name him flowers

RNBrie Thu 24-Nov-16 18:31:12

You do whatever you need to. No one will ever question your love for your boy.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this flowers

Awwlookatmybabyspider Thu 24-Nov-16 18:31:19

I'm so sorry.
I can absolutely promise no one will be spiteful to you.
I personally would still use the name for
. He still and will always be your son.

Dovie Thu 24-Nov-16 18:33:22

Thanks everyone.

Yeah, I feel like we should use it, as we have some personalised things for him that have that name on.

But I do like the idea of a 'young name' if that makes any sense as he is always going to be young. Something like Teddy.

RainbowBriteRules Thu 24-Nov-16 18:33:47

It's not wrong flowers. You clearly love your little boy.

ThanksSpanx Thu 24-Nov-16 18:34:00

If you didn't go on to have another son would you regret not using the name? If not then of course choose whatever name you'd like to. Sorry for your loss flowers

Meadows76 Thu 24-Nov-16 18:35:14

so I'd rather keep it for if we were lucky enough to have a son that fitted my image of living, if that makes sense?. It does make sense, but it may cause you more pain to have a DC in the future carry the name intended for your first born. I would probably still give my son the name. So sorry for your loss x

Meadows76 Thu 24-Nov-16 18:36:05

But I do like the idea of a 'young name' if that makes any sense as he is always going to be young. actually yes, that is understandable

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight Thu 24-Nov-16 18:36:23

Im really sorry for your loss. Do what feels right. flowers Teddy is a lovely name.

EarlGreyTeaAndToast Thu 24-Nov-16 18:38:03

We didn't have a set name when our stillbirth happened but it sounds like you did.
All I can say if that as the years go by, you wlll imagine your darling boy as a toddler, a pre schooler, a child. For me, the thought of my lost child has grown up with me.
And it might do for you and you might get comfort from that and him having the name you wanted and imagined.
Do whatever you like, but I don't think personally you should use this chosen name for another child. If you pick a new name now, choose another one for any other child and let this name go.
My heart breaks for you as I have been there and it's hell and I am so sorry xxxx

Dovie Thu 24-Nov-16 18:39:35

Actually you're right I don't know if I'd be able to cope with a second child having that name.

user1479988301 Thu 24-Nov-16 18:40:10

So sorry for your loss Dovie. I understand completely where you are coming from, of course you love your baby, no one would ever doubt that.

Owllady Thu 24-Nov-16 18:40:17

I'm sorry dovie sad
Go with your gut. There is no right or wrong xxx

KondosSecretJunkRoom Thu 24-Nov-16 18:41:03

I don't think that you don't love your son because you are considering keeping your chosen name but are you sure that you are not going to torture yourself with this thought?

For the sake of a name, I'd stick with it if there is even a chance this will be the case.

UnbornMortificado Thu 24-Nov-16 18:42:45

I'm so sorry Dovie flowers

I didn't only as it was a family name and I didn't want to stop my DB and DSIL using it if they had a boy.

It's whatever feels right for you. Again I'm so sorry.

wobblywonderwoman Thu 24-Nov-16 18:45:55

Massive hugs to you and sorry for your loss.

I love the name Teddy and i think it sounds perfect for your beautiful baby. You could use your other option as a middle name but whatever you decide will be perfect.

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