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Really upset - Mum and MIL are having a go at us.

(133 Posts)
FreddyEddy Fri 18-Nov-16 12:15:41

I feel like just changing her middle name completely.

It took 7 years to become pregnant, so we probably won't try for another.

We thought it would be nice to honour both grandmothers, but only wanted her to have 1 middle name.

My mum is Julia, my MIL is Ariana.

We chose Juliana for her middle name...

We were so excited to tell everyone the name, thinking they'd be so excited. No, all we get is "you should have given her 2 middle names" "you've now used neither of our names" and obviously many more.

I'm just so upset.

HerRoyalNotness Fri 18-Nov-16 12:18:20

Your solution was perfect! I'm sorry they are being so crabby to you!

I'd think stuff them and choose something else I liked, but that's me.

muffinheaven Fri 18-Nov-16 12:18:55

Remember she's your baby and it's your choice.
I think it's a beautiful name and is a perfect mix of your DM and DMIL names. If you'd chosen to use both their names, they'd only of argued about which order you put them in so stick to your guns !

ShowMeTheElf Fri 18-Nov-16 12:19:05

You used neither of their names. It doesn't actually matter: Julianna is lovely, but you can't expect them to be enthusiastic or see it as some kind of compliment to one or either of them when it isn't their name.
Don't take it to heart: they aren't trying to upset you.

CoughingForWeeks Fri 18-Nov-16 12:20:02

Juliana is a lovely name and a nice nod to both GMs without being specifically named after them. They're being unreasonable; if you like it, stick with it flowers

Grumpyoldblonde Fri 18-Nov-16 12:22:11

I really thought you were going to say you were calling the baby Princess Sparkle Rainbow or something, Juliana is lovely and they should be pleased. I think it's a lovely interpretation of their names, they don't so maybe choose something else.

blueskyinmarch Fri 18-Nov-16 12:23:43

Have you had your baby yet or is this just the planned name? If you haven’t had it yet i would seriously consider giving her a different, totally unrelated name. If you have had her then stick with it, ignore these childish women and get on with enjoying your baby.

ElspethFlashman Fri 18-Nov-16 12:24:01

Juliana is gorgeous and they're both just narked cos you didn't choose their own name.

I'd choose something else completely since it's going to be completely unappreciated.

TinaBacon Fri 18-Nov-16 12:26:40

If they're going to be this horrible about it you'd have had comments even if you'd given them the two middle names, as whoever came last would have moaned.

People have very small lives indeed if they can get worked up about whether someone hasn't named a child after them.

FreddyEddy Fri 18-Nov-16 12:27:07

Thanks everyone. Yeah, she's here, we waiting to announce the name, hoping they'd just be nice about it.

Well, I did expect them to be a bit happy about it... Maybe that was wrong, but I knew it meant a lot to both of them, so thought they would be please. My dad has been lovely and told me that he'd have been so happy with the way we did it, so it's definitely not my problem. However, I don't know sad

TripTrappedNow Fri 18-Nov-16 12:28:48

I agree lovely lovely name, lovely lovely sentiments and lovely that your baby has her own name and not one of the 'spoilt' grandmothers!

Now is time to move the generations along in to their next phase.
You are the parents and they the grandparents! If they are first time grandparents or not in the stride of a grandparents role it could be a bumpy ride for a while.

Smile and nod and say firmly oh well we like it anyway so it's time for tea who wants a biscuit and move on! Practice this now as there will be other opportunities in the pipeline grin

Congrats on your baby girl flowers

TripTrappedNow Fri 18-Nov-16 12:30:32

Or for a laugh you could say to them that if they can agree the order of the two middle names and let you know then you'll think about it!

longdiling Fri 18-Nov-16 12:31:11

You have done nothing wrong. They're behaving like spoilt brats. They have no right to expect their names as her middle name anyway so it's not like they've lost out on anything! One of my kids has a short version of my mum's name as a middle name so isn't totally named after her but she was chuffed. Try not to let them spoil this very special time.

Oldraver Fri 18-Nov-16 12:43:19

Iys a lovely name and they should be very honoured.

I dont get this expectation of having child name after you..I would never expect it

RB68 Fri 18-Nov-16 12:45:01

we were lucky all our DD's great grandmothers shared the same name (yes every one!! ) so that was her middle name and no arguments - lol. Having said that both grandmothers don't like any of thier names so that was probably a win - Jean my Mom and Brigid Agnes known as Agnes

RB68 Fri 18-Nov-16 12:45:45

I would choose something I liked if they are going to be arsy about it stuff em. She is her own self whatever

HedgehogHedgehog Fri 18-Nov-16 12:46:07

Juliana is lovely. Stick to your guns they are being completely unreasonable. No doubt if you gave two middle names they would then fight about which of them came first etc

SaltyBitch Fri 18-Nov-16 12:46:27

Tell them to get fucked. There is no obligation to use anything that even resembles their names, and so they should be grateful.

Changing it would definitely make that clear, so if you truly did want to and there is a name you like more than Juliana, I'd say go for it.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Fri 18-Nov-16 12:46:40

Congratulations Freddy ! 🌺
Your DM and your MIL, have had their time to choose baby names, this precious little one, you have waited so long for, is yours to choose.
I think Juliana, is a fabulous choice, and a lovely name.
I wouldn't give this anymore head space, the sooner you let it drop, the quicker they will get on with it.
Failing that, tell them that you have taken on board their concerns, and have decided to give her a different second name entirely, Elizabeth, after the Queen. 😂
Do not allow them to put a damper on this beautiful time, in your life.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall Fri 18-Nov-16 12:51:54

"Since you have shown so much disrespect for our choice of name and a lack of appreciation for honouring both of you together, we have now decided to change her middle name altogether to a name that me and DH/DP have chosen instead."

PotteringAlong Fri 18-Nov-16 12:52:08

Change her middle name to your name and tell them to lump it...

wigglesrock Fri 18-Nov-16 12:53:17

Tbh and I'm usually quite give and take with regards mum's and mils I think they're behaving atrociously. It's a beautiful name in its own right and it being a mixture of your daughters grannys names is lovely. The most they should be concerning themselves with is the safe arrival of a much loved baby and how you're doing, not playing who can be the biggest eejit over names.

Congratulations thanks, am sure the baby is gorgeous, take care and take no notice of them.

SapphireStrange Fri 18-Nov-16 12:54:09

Oh, they can fuck off.

Tell them you're actually calling her Fungus the Bogeyman.

Congrats on your baby and her beautiful middle name!

KlingybunFistelvase Fri 18-Nov-16 12:54:50

Not your problem! Your solution was a good one.

KlingybunFistelvase Fri 18-Nov-16 12:56:06

Also like wiggle, I'd try to accommodate if say, my DH really wanted to use his mum's name as a middle name, but the actual GMs having a go at you for not honouring them is sad and classless.

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