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WWYD sensitive subject

(63 Posts)
UnicornPee Thu 17-Nov-16 20:25:15

We are due our 3rd an final baby,a girl.
My DH mother died suddenly and unexpectedly this year.
He has told me he wants our babies middle name to be her name. I haven't replied to this and I think he assumes that's fine.
However, here's where I need WWYD opinions.
I wasn't close to his mother. I wasn't a huge fan of her. Obviously I'm sad she died don't get me wrong. But I don't feel that much of a connection to want to give my last child her name as a middle name.
If I go with my gut I am dreading telling my DH.

A) go with what I want and give her my own choice lovely middle name

B) respect my DH wishes and give her the middle name of his late mum

kimlo Thu 17-Nov-16 20:27:31

I would use the name.

Floralnomad Thu 17-Nov-16 20:27:43

Just give her the name , if necessary give her an extra middle name , quite honestly middle names are so irrelevant it's not worth the possible argument .

seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom Thu 17-Nov-16 20:28:09

Two middle names?

Unless she was a unarguably bad person or had a universally awful name I think it will be difficult to make a case for not using it.

seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom Thu 17-Nov-16 20:28:52

Hmm autocorrect changing my an to a twice!

WatchingFromTheWings Thu 17-Nov-16 20:29:19

Use both your choice and his? Lots of people have 2 middle names.

QueenOfTheNaps Thu 17-Nov-16 20:29:23

Give her the name. Honestly, as PP has said no one ever uses middle names anyway

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Thu 17-Nov-16 20:29:40

I hated my ex MIL and she hated me.

She died when I was pregnant and my exh wanted to use her name as a middle name.

It meant a lot to him and nothing to me so we used it.

I think it would be very unkind not to use it.

DramaAlpaca Thu 17-Nov-16 20:30:23

I'd go with two middle names, one of your choice & your MIL's name.

Zebrasinpyjamas Thu 17-Nov-16 20:30:29

It's a no brainer-you use the Mil name plus another of your choice if you wish.

JontyDoggle37 Thu 17-Nov-16 20:30:57

This isn't about whether you liked your MIL, it's about helping your DH with his grief and honouring a close family member of his. Both my DH and I have a deceased parent each, as soon as I was pregnant we decided middle names, whether boy or girl, would honour dead parents. It wasn't about whether we lived the names, but about continuity and family remembrance.

LivininaBox Thu 17-Nov-16 20:31:26

I think it depends what you mean by "not a huge fan". Middle names aren't a big deal, I would probably go along with your DH's wish, as obviously it is important to him. But if you actually had a bad relationship with her then that's different.

OSETmum Thu 17-Nov-16 20:34:05

You know he's her parent too don't you?!

Plantpot83 Thu 17-Nov-16 20:34:04

if it's really important to you DH, I think that you should use the name rather than just a name that you prefer because it sounds better. As others have suggested you could add another middle name.

PrincessWatermelon Thu 17-Nov-16 20:34:57

Or is there any way you can use the name but with a twist? So an abbreviation or a suggestion of it, so it's different but still honouring her? I think I'd use it though!

Joinourclub Thu 17-Nov-16 20:35:57

Option B. This child is your husbands child too! Even if his mother hadn't JUST died, going with 'what I want' and giving her 'MY choice' wouldn't be the right thing to do. I struggle to see how you could even consider not doing this for your husband.

Chinlo Thu 17-Nov-16 20:39:53

I would use the name since I don't put much stock in middle names at all (they're so rarely used or even known by anyone outside of the family!!) and so it's an easy decision to make my OH happy.

Haffdonga Thu 17-Nov-16 20:39:58


It's his child too.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Thu 17-Nov-16 20:41:11

Absolutely use the name!

This is your DH's "final baby" too and it obviously means a lot to him. It's only a middle name.

If he were wanting to use the name as a first name then things would be different. But he isn't.

CashelGirl Thu 17-Nov-16 20:41:57

I think the fact that he has suggested it as a middle name and not a first name shows a huge sensitivity to him knowing that thus wouldn't be your first choice. I think it would be very insensitive if you not to allow him to use his mothers name as his final child's middle name. If this was the other way round, and my partner didn't want to honour my Mums memory so soon after a bereavement then I honestly don't think I would ever forgive them.

Lapinlapin Thu 17-Nov-16 20:43:50

What everyone else has said.

It doesn't matter that you didn't have much of a connection to your mil.

Your dh had that connection with his mum, so that's why you should use the name, in my opinion.

lauryloo Thu 17-Nov-16 20:44:53


It's his child too and it's his mother he wants to honour.

MrsNuckyThompson Thu 17-Nov-16 20:47:07

Use the name.

Your DH has lost his mum. What does it really cost you to do this? Use something which will mean something to him in his grief.

For what it's worth we gave DS two middle names, one of which was DH's late father's name.

Amandahugandkisses Thu 17-Nov-16 20:47:08

You must use the name. It's s small ask.

babyblabber Thu 17-Nov-16 20:51:12

B for sure.

It's not about you it's about your DH and your DD. My DD's middle name is that of MIL who was dying of cancer when she was born. Although I liked MIL, I hate the name as it reminds me of a girl I really didn't like in school. But I love DDs first name so I feel that makes up for it.

Also my middle name is that of my dad's mum who died when he was a teenager. I would have been her first grandchild. I love that I have the connection to her even though I never got to meet her. She is a piece of my history and I'm glad to have her name.

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