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I don't want our daughter to have a middle name... DP does... How do we come to an agreement?

(93 Posts)
AutumnSkiesAreOrange Sat 29-Oct-16 03:08:19

I don't want our daughter to have a middle name. She will have a double-barrelled surname... It's enough! She'll be Scarlett Daniels-Harryson...

DP wants her to. However, it's not to honour anyone, so it's literally his preference or mine! I finally gave in and said that a 1 syllable name would be fine, so we chose Joy. Scarlett Joy Daniels-Harryson (I think it sounds too much, but would be happy with it)... He now claims that it isn't fair hmm as because I wasn't fussed about a middle name, he should be able to pick it, as it's him who's fussed. Which I don't see makes sense!? As I'm fussed! I was fussed about her not having one. He wants it to be 4 syllables (he's still in a strop that he had to compromise for the 1st name)...

Seriously, how do we fix this?

HappyCamel Sat 29-Oct-16 03:31:33

No one says full names out loud and they're rarely written down. So long as you're both happy with first and surname if he has his heart set on a middle name just let him. It's won't be a big deal to DD and he'll always be a bit sad otherwise.

HappyCamel Sat 29-Oct-16 03:31:56

Lovely name BTW

Marilynsbigsister Sat 29-Oct-16 03:39:57

If he has had to compromise on a first name that is going to be used every day of your child's life, would it really hurt you to let your DH choose a middle name that will probably only be written down a few times a year and spoken even less if at all ? His child too. You sound a bit like you consider your DD is ' yours' and DH may only offer suggestions over which you have the final veto !

Pluto30 Sat 29-Oct-16 03:45:48

Just give her a middle name. It's almost never used anyway, so it makes no difference if she has one or not, and if it makes him happy to give her one, no skin off your nose.

I haven't use my middle name since, well, I realised you could just choose not to put it on forms etc. And I have a very simple first name, and short surname.

AutumnSkiesAreOrange Sat 29-Oct-16 03:46:27

Happy - but I'll also be a bit sad... It'll put me off her name!

Marilyn - we both compromised for the first name ( we both like it ) hmm where on earth do I claim that she's only mine!?

AutumnSkiesAreOrange Sat 29-Oct-16 03:47:25

Pluto - I said she can have one, but 1 syllable... I was compromising. Surely I have to like her name too? confused

AutumnSkiesAreOrange Sat 29-Oct-16 03:49:18

I don't like any 4 syllable names! Especially with the double-barrelled surname.

No worries, I'll just let him though... confused

OlennasWimple Sat 29-Oct-16 04:00:47

Not sure what harm it does for her to have a middle name, and you sound a bit petulant to agree but set conditions (and then change your mind).

She might not keep her whole name all her life: even if she doesn't change it on marriage (and she might, and then end up one of many Scarlett Smiths, or whatever), she might decide that the double-barrelled surname is a bit of a mouthful and drop one of the names.

FWIW, I think that adding in "Joy" makes the whole name flow better - it needs that extra syllable upfront to balance out the long surname

AutumnSkiesAreOrange Sat 29-Oct-16 04:05:15

When have I changed my mind? confused I like Joy! She can absolutely have Joy as a middle name. We sat for 3 nights finding a one syllable name that we both liked, so we chose Joy. Who's the one that's changed their mind? He did. He now wants a 4 syllable name. A name that I don't like.

HappyCamel Sat 29-Oct-16 04:13:19

Sorry OP, it's rare on here that we're all on DH's side. We're usually all LTB!

AutumnSkiesAreOrange Sat 29-Oct-16 04:15:55

Is it because you all like middle names? Because that's how I'm taking it (that's how it's coming across) and that's fine but it's hardly fair to say that I'm being controlling, etc. Or I'm taking back what I said when I'm actually being really fair. We have compromised on everything, that's why I said short one syllable middle name. Cant see how that's me being unfair, especially as we agreed on Joy. I don't like 4 syllable girls names so it feels shit to have to plonk one in their.

AutumnSkiesAreOrange Sat 29-Oct-16 04:17:48


I can see how this thread is going to go though so won't be back while I'm hormonal.

I hate that men always have to be the happy ones.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 29-Oct-16 04:20:30

It's better to have an additional name if one of the parents wants it imo.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 29-Oct-16 04:22:32

What's the name?

HappyCamel Sat 29-Oct-16 04:29:39

For me it's because adding a name (especially a middle name) is pretty neutral in overall effect.

It's bloody hard to agree a first name and if you aren't in a family where it's obviously going to be OH's surname then getting the surname decided can be tough. If you're happy with both of those then I'd call it a victory.

Nothing to do with favouring the male. I'd
you'd opposite opinions I'd have said the same thing. Like I say, it's usually all Leave The Bastard/Emotional Abuse accusations on here.

AutumnSkiesAreOrange Sat 29-Oct-16 04:36:49


It just ruins the name.

Scarlett Petronilla Daniels-Harryson. I have a middle name that's unusual and I never thanked my parents for it, I used to hate having to say it when my friends asked me what my middle name was and they all had something 'normal'. I don't know why we can't just go for Joy, like we agreed. Shocked that people think he should get the pick of the middle name tbh!

Oh well.

AGinForEachMakesThree Sat 29-Oct-16 05:13:21

Change the middle name then if you don't like it.

AutumnSkiesAreOrange Sat 29-Oct-16 05:36:17

He doesn't want anything other than that, I did say that in the OP. We had decided on Joy but he then said it wasn't fair and he wanted the 4 syllable one.

Pluto30 Sat 29-Oct-16 05:40:39

OP, the more you post, the more you sound controlling.

I already said that I don't use my middle name, but that I think you should let him add one. It makes no bloody difference.

How often is the name read out in full? Never. So adding his choice of middle name doesn't "ruin" the name.

AutumnSkiesAreOrange Sat 29-Oct-16 05:42:34

How does it make me controlling though? Because I want to like the name? The more you post, the more bizarre you sound!

Pluto30 Sat 29-Oct-16 05:45:27

Because you're dictating what he can and can't choose.

Saying he can only have a one-syllable middle name choice is dictating.

You don't want a middle name, and he does, and that's the core issue here.

When do names get read out in full?

AutumnSkiesAreOrange Sat 29-Oct-16 05:48:49

No, it's coming to a compromise. I don't want a middle name, he wants a 4 syllable one. I agree to 1 syllable. It's a compromise. Why shouldn't I get a say in the middle name. You seem to assume he should get to pick it? No matter how much I hate it. Why is that??

Pluto30 Sat 29-Oct-16 05:52:30

Because it's a middle name and it doesn't matter, basically.

You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

AutumnSkiesAreOrange Sat 29-Oct-16 05:53:17

If it's a middle name and doesn't matter, why does she need why/can't it be Joy? It's exactly the same argument.

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