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DH isn't willing to compromise! Will we ever name our baby?

(48 Posts)
Astrid79 Fri 21-Oct-16 03:53:52

We have a baby boy, who arrived last weekend.

We don't share the same style... We did a list of 50 names (each) that we both liked (not necessarily loved, but just liked) and not one of them matched sad

Some on his list were Axel, Brock, Cooper, etc.

I don't think Cooper is a bad name (it was my favourite from his list) but it's seriously not a name I'd even consider. However, I realised that I needed to compromise too, so I suggested Hunter (to be honest, I'm not a huge fan of it, but thought I'd see if he would agree to my biggest stretch) and he likes the name, but doesn't love it, so apparently it would be unfair! Never mind I'm not actually even keen on it, but thought I'd try and move forward maybe I should have posted on relationships

On my list were Daniel, Isaac, Nathaniel, so probably seen as a bit more 'dull' I suppose, but to be honest, I just prefer that.

His biggest stretch is Xavier (again, not a name I love, but would be happy to let it grow on me). I don't really feel like it's at all a compromise though because he admits that he loves the name and even said before that he won't go for a name that he doesn't love and then tells me that it's sorted ( whenever I try and discuss it ) as he says that his name is Xavier Hunter, but I then try and explain that we need to talk about it more as I don't actually like it and he says that I bloody picked Hunter !! angry

I'm just up stressing about it sad

Pluto30 Fri 21-Oct-16 04:02:36

You pick a first you love and he picks a middle he loves, or vice versa. Eventually the name chosen will grow on you, even if you don't love it now.

FWIW, I think Cooper Daniel is a lovely combo. Or Daniel Cooper.

Astrid79 Fri 21-Oct-16 04:15:40

Pluto, I suggested that, but tbh, I did want to pick the first name, as middle names are never used and baby will have his surname. So I said it might be best for us to compromise on both names, but he says only if he loves them confused

Astrid79 Fri 21-Oct-16 04:16:34

I like Daniel Cooper and would happily go with it, but he's having none of it!

Pluto30 Fri 21-Oct-16 05:15:57


Are there any names that can be shortened to something you like? For example, if you liked James and he liked Jimmy that could work. Or if you liked Daniel and he liked Danny.

Scarydinosaurs Fri 21-Oct-16 05:32:44

How does he not get how unfair his stance is?

Have you tried that baby name app that makes suggestions based on your choices?

Scarydinosaurs Fri 21-Oct-16 05:33:37

Is he a comic fan?? Would he go for Daniel Cooper nn DC

YvaineStormhold Fri 21-Oct-16 05:46:09

He just watched you expel a human being from your body, and he's being this precious about names?

Is he always a stubborn twat?

MoreGilmoreGirls Fri 21-Oct-16 05:50:58

So the babies having his surname not yours yet he won't compromise on first names at all hmm. Tell him if he won't compromise maybe you should rethink the surname!

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 21-Oct-16 05:59:31

He's being unfair.

Keep going until you find a name you both like. Both of you loving a name when your tastes are so different is unlikely.

Archer? (You can call him Archie?)

DaisyFranceLynch Fri 21-Oct-16 06:28:25

I really like Xavier (pronounced Zavier rather than Ex-avier) and think it strikes a good balance between traditional and unusual - but that's not the point! Your husband is being unreasonable and needs to compromise so you find a name you're both relatively happily with.

My DH liked surname type names and I liked the kind of names that get called "pretentious" and "try-hard" on here (in retrospect I am quite glad I didn't pick any of these).

We separately went through the ONS top 1000 baby names and both ticked anything we at least quite liked. There's a website or app where you can do this without seeing what the other has said, but we did it on a spreadsheet. If you think your husband's list is going to be too short to include any you like, perhaps you could agree on a minimum of eg 50 names?

We then made a list of all the names we both liked and each ranked the shortlist separately. The name with the highest combined rank won.

It sounds a bit time-consuming but it was less time-consuming than our endless circular arguments. And we ended up with something we both like (even though DS now goes by a totally unrelated nickname).

captainproton Fri 21-Oct-16 06:32:23

Why is baby having his surname? If you are not married why would you let him have both the first name and surname choice?

LarrytheCucumber Fri 21-Oct-16 06:37:17

I thought Xavier would be pronounced Havier blush

Redkite10a Fri 21-Oct-16 06:41:07

My son has my maiden name as his 2nd middle name as our surnames are too long to double barrell. That might be one wat to even out the surname bit?

HeteronormativeHaybales Fri 21-Oct-16 08:46:15

Tbh I think your 'style' wins as they are more timeless and less faddy. Agree with the suggestion that you pick a first name and him a middle.

Or do you have family with acceptable names? One each from your father and FIL, for example, might work (but only if they're called David and James as opposed to Brian and Keith grin )

SorenaJ Fri 21-Oct-16 09:00:28

If the baby has his surname, you get to decide the first name. Simple as that. Why does the baby have his surname anyway?

RockyBird Fri 21-Oct-16 09:05:08

Look at your son and decide on a name YOU love.

I'm all for equality etc. but when no agreement can be made it should be the person who PP put it "ejected a human being from their body" who has final say.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Fri 21-Oct-16 09:05:19

Can you call him Alexander with Xander "Zander" or Sandy for short? If he gets bored of Xander you can revert to Alex when he's older.

My best friend's brother is known by his middle name. Both nice normal names, just everyone calls him by middle one.

aforestgrewandgrew Fri 21-Oct-16 09:09:47

A name is for life. Your DH is being unfair if he's trying to railroad you into a name because you suggested it, but in reality you don't like it so much.

You need to actually agree at the point at which you name the baby, not at some random point in the past.

carmenta Fri 21-Oct-16 09:12:07

So I said it might be best for us to compromise on both names, but he says only if he loves them
He's not really grasped the concept of "compromise", has he?

I would put it to him like this, if you really can't choose a name you both like:
- his surname, your name choice
- your surname, his name choice

Sugarpiehoneyeye Fri 21-Oct-16 09:35:38

OP, I love Xavier Nathaniel, or Xavier Hunter.
However, I do think your DH, is rather unfair.
Yes, he's the Daddy, but he isn't yours !
My DS has a mate with this name, they all call him Zav.
Love Daniel, but not Cooper. 💐

TheABC Fri 21-Oct-16 09:40:39

You gave birth; you get the final say. As compromise is not working, pick your favourite for the first name and his for the second. Get thee to the registry office.

Sandsnake Fri 21-Oct-16 10:08:00

He's being a dick, sorry.

It sounds like you won't find a name that you both love and so one of you will have to have to compromise with a name that you like but not love. That person should be him, not you because :

a) the baby is having his surname (I would reconsider that if I were you)
b) you are the one that gave birth, went through nine months of pregnancy, have had your body changed, is probably having to put a temporary halt to your career etc.

Probably not the best advice but you can register him on your own and I'd be tempted to do that. Also, and irrelevant I suppose, your names are much nicer than Axel, Hunter etc. DP needs to realise you're naming a child not one of the fighters from Gladiators

Wishforsnow Fri 21-Oct-16 10:27:40

Completely agree with Sandsnake especially the part about him naming a Gladiator grin

YvaineStormhold Fri 21-Oct-16 10:29:16

Axel and Hunter are all very well, but by Christ, you'd have to live up to them, wouldn't you?

Does your husband think he's sired an action hero? The living embodiment of his manly essence?

Your lovely baby is far more likely to become an IT consultant than a fire-fighting, bounty-hunting tree surgeon with his own helicopter.

Tell him to stop being a dick and get thee to the registry office. Your child needs a name so that people know what to call him, not an image for his dad to live vicariously through.

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