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Etiquette of using someone's name

(15 Posts)
Shemozzle Mon 03-Oct-16 11:33:57

Is there an etiquette for naming a baby after someone? One of the names on our shortlist I have loved for years because it was the name of my best friend in high school. We moved far apart though and haven't really been friends in over 10 years, we are just Facebook friends now, rarely chat, never meet up, she's not involved with my other kids or anything. I just love the name and I do love it because of her despite not having a close friendship anymore. If we chose it would it be good manners to tell her or ask her first? Or just announce? It's not a very common name but not out there. It's about 200 in the name stats, similar in popularity to Jemima or Penelope but I think it was much more uncommon when we were in school and I doubt she'd be aware of its boost in popularity.

crayfish Mon 03-Oct-16 11:39:27

Hmm, it's a weird one. If a friend of mine from school contacted me and said they wanted to name their child after me, but I hadn't really been friends with them for ten years then I would think it was a bit odd to be honest. If the same old friend just named their child the same neame as me and I heard via facebook or whetver then I would just message and say 'congratulations, I love the name!' or something jokey - it wouldn't occur to me to think the child was named after me.

Thats a long way of saying - if you love the name just use it but I wouldn't tell/ask her first. She would be very unlikely to think the child was named after her but if she did comment after the birth then you could just say 'well I always loved the name and it brings back such nice memories of our friendship' and I bet she would be really touched.

chinlo Mon 03-Oct-16 11:50:59

I agree with crayfish.

MrsHulk Mon 03-Oct-16 11:56:32

I'd prob send her a private message, letting her know first and just saying you've always loved the name and have chosen it for your DD. I wouldn't refer back to your previous friendship as the reason - it might sound a bit intense if you've drifted

MrsHulk Mon 03-Oct-16 11:58:08

I sort of agree with crayfish but as somebody with a v unusual name it is a bit different, and just think it would avoid any weirdness to let her know expressly

JinkxMonsoon Mon 03-Oct-16 11:58:47

I agree with crayfish too. By all means use the name if you love it, but don't make a big deal of contacting her for permission or to tell her that you've chosen it in her honour. That might come across a bit odd.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Mon 03-Oct-16 17:45:38

Just name your lovely baby, and carry on as normal.
No need to contact anyone.

septembersunshine Mon 03-Oct-16 19:35:31

Well you are not really in touch so just use the name. No need to tell anyone or ask permission.

KnockMeDown Mon 03-Oct-16 19:44:06

One of my old uni friends, who I was very close to for a while, named her first daughter the same name as me. We had drifted apart somewhat by then, and she made a point of telling me that the baby was definitely NOT named after me. I was a little bit hmm [confused, especially as I had always used a shorter version anyway.

BikeRunSki Mon 03-Oct-16 20:02:36

But you're not really naming the baby after your school friend. You are using your school friend's name because you like the name, it doesn't sound like you'd be using your school friend's name regardless what it was - that would be naming the baby after you.

I have 2 friends whose dd's have the same name as me.

1 - "We wanted to call her after you as we really like your outlook on life and value your friendship, and we'd like you and her to share something. "

2 - We really like your name, don you mind if we use it for the baby?

1 - is naming a baby after someone
2 - is using a name because you like it, and happen to know someone with the name.

Shemozzle Mon 03-Oct-16 21:34:19

Thanks, agree with all of you would be more weird to say beforehand. But also think saying exactly number 2 as you say bikerunski wouldn't come across as weird either.

MrsHulk Tue 04-Oct-16 08:27:52

The danger with saying number 2 is that you seem to be asking her permission. What do you do if she says no? E.g. If she's always planned to call her daughter that, and doesn't want you to use it? Obv she'd be being unreasonable but if you ask her permission, you have to be willing to accept her answer!

I'd just inform her, it's a fact not a question.

Am really curious about the name now smile

akkakk Tue 04-Oct-16 08:35:21

no one owns a name - just use it grin
there may be a number of people you knew with that name, there may be a number of reasons for using it - it really shouldn't matter to anyone else...

BathshebaDarkstone Tue 04-Oct-16 08:38:34

I'm named after my mum's best friend from school, because my mum liked the name.

Seekingmiracles Tue 04-Oct-16 09:15:49

I'd just use it.
I have old 2 childhood friends who have used my name... again not massively common and I never thought it was weird or after me. I just sent a message congratulating them on the baby and their excellent taste in names wink

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