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Is this stealing?!!

(86 Posts)
Stilldreamingofsun Fri 23-Sep-16 16:49:39

Background- my BF has three boys. Very unlikely to have any more kids but I know she would love a girl. She has a lot of health issues and her husband doesn't want anyone so it's highly unlikely. She picked out a name which I love for her last child, in case it was a girl. Would it be mean if I used this for my daughter that is due in a few weeks? Is she entitled to own the name? Would she be justified in feeling pissed off?!!!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Fri 23-Sep-16 16:51:58

Call your baby what you like and if she has another baby she can name her the same name. No one has dibs on names, they don't 'belong' to anyone.

neonrainbow Fri 23-Sep-16 16:53:10

You'd be an absolute fucking prick to use it.

AGruffaloCrumble Fri 23-Sep-16 16:53:14

Purely depends on if you want to keep her as a friend.

chinlo Fri 23-Sep-16 16:53:14

Why don't you just ask her? She is your best friend, after all.

chinlo Fri 23-Sep-16 16:53:41

You'd be an absolute fucking prick to use it


smartyclogs Fri 23-Sep-16 16:55:10

Why don't you ask her and see what she says?
It may be just a fantasy name and she may not have any problems with you using it, or there again...

Stilldreamingofsun Fri 23-Sep-16 16:55:29

I wanted to see the reaction here before I approached her and upset her unnecessarily. My gut reaction is not to do it. However, it would be s childish thing to fall out over.

katiegg Fri 23-Sep-16 16:56:05

No one can own a name, therefore no one can steal a name. Use the name for your baby if you like it.

I could sort of see the 'stealing' argument if you were both pregnant and she had said they were going to call their daughter xxx, but as she is neither pregnant, nor likely to be pregnant again, that argument doesn't hold up.

Stilldreamingofsun Fri 23-Sep-16 16:57:14

She definitely wanted to use it- she had a definite boys name and a definite girls name before her c section. Had text messages prepared with same!

TheVirginQueen Fri 23-Sep-16 16:58:09

I'd ask her if she would like to use the name on your baby, ask her to be God Mother. Tell her she inspired the name.

If she reacts well use it.
If she reacts badly don't.

BackforGood Fri 23-Sep-16 16:58:21

Have I got this right, she's not even pregnant?
In which case, of course you should use it.

DoubleCarrick Fri 23-Sep-16 16:59:04

My thinking is that it's unfair and unreasonable to put dibs on baby names. However my brother has told me what names his wife has picked even though they aren't ttc yet and I wouldn't pick there names as it's kinda a dick move once you know. It would be better to unknow if that is even possible.

wayway13 Fri 23-Sep-16 16:59:17

Hmmmm. There are thousands of names for you to choose from. No, I would leave it. She doesn't own the name but it'd be bad form to use it imo.

OverAndAbove Fri 23-Sep-16 17:00:13

She would love to have another (girl) baby, but can't, and you want to use the exact set of girl names she chose for your own baby?

That's very mean.

Stilldreamingofsun Fri 23-Sep-16 17:01:53

I guess this is the reason we been BF for 25 years- very similar tastes!!

chinlo Fri 23-Sep-16 17:01:57

If you're worried that it might upset her, then just ask. Everybody is different (as shown by the responses on here already), so this thread won't really help you much in your specific situation.

Personally I wouldn't care, but I know some people are super sensitive over stuff like this so it does no harm to check, if you think she's like that.

AppleJac Fri 23-Sep-16 17:02:01

I think its mean to use it

Stilldreamingofsun Fri 23-Sep-16 17:04:09

I think she is more the "sensitive type" rather than laid back on these kind of things which is probably why I'm bottling out of asking her. Tbh I'm probably not going to use it....

chinlo Fri 23-Sep-16 17:04:26

She would love to have another (girl) baby, but can't, and you want to use the exact set of girl names she chose for your own baby?

That's very mean

Really? For God's sake. I'm trying to imagine picking a name I love but know I'm never going to use, and then demanding my friends and family don't use it. I just can't imagine it, I guess because I'm not such a drama queen.

Obsidian77 Fri 23-Sep-16 17:05:45

Tell her you'd like to use the name a) because it's beautiful and b) to honour your friendship. If she isn't keen then of course you can go ahead but it might be salt in the wound to her. Congrats and hope all goes well with the birth.

Vixxfacee Fri 23-Sep-16 17:09:36

I wouldn't.

mummarichardson Fri 23-Sep-16 17:10:40

I personally wouldn't use it but maybe say 'I am really stuck in girls names, help' if she suggests the name then she would be fine with it if not then I really don't think I would use it xx

Stilldreamingofsun Fri 23-Sep-16 17:11:43

That's not a bad idea but I'm pretty sure she would never suggest that name (just in case!!!!!)

Zippidydoodah Fri 23-Sep-16 17:14:38

Ah, I do think this would be a hurtful thing to do to her. Of all the names, in all the world.....

(what's the name?!) grin

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