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"Stealing" baby names

(39 Posts)
Fayaa Tue 30-Aug-16 14:26:55

Alright, so I have just been accused of 'stealing' my DB and SIL's baby name (almost 4 years ago, might I add). I didn't know that this was a thing. How does anyone have claim on a name? Please, tell me.

I have 2 questions for you:

1) Have you ever "stolen" a name? Tell me about it? Do you feel bad?

2) Has anyone ever "stolen" a name from you? Do you still resent this person? What was the situation?

Background (in case you're interested): SIL and I were pregnant at the same time. I was living abroad. She was having a boy, I was having girls. SIL didn't ever want to discuss names with me (claims we did). I named one of my DDs Valentina, she named her son Edward and I never heard anything about it for almost 4 years. She is now 5 mo pregnant with another boy and had a bit of a hysterical sobbing session at my mum's today because she has "run out" of boys names after I "stole" hers. Pregnancy hormones and everything are intense so I'm not offended or too worried, I don't think. Apparently SIL wanted to name her DS Valentine after mine and DB's grandfather. I also would have named DD Valentine should I have had boys, but didn't. I'm just confused. I didn't think to ask her before naming my children, should I have? confused I don't have many mum friends and definitely didn't at the time. Just wondering both for my conscience and because I'm now interested into how others feel about this situation

Noappointmentnecessary Tue 30-Aug-16 14:28:59

This made me chuckle as we have a son called Edward and if it was a girl, we were going to call her Valentina. Your SIL needs
To get over it. There are lots of names out there. She is just being silly!!

ImYourMama Tue 30-Aug-16 14:30:37

Tell her she's being bloody ridiculous and if it's a family name, why does she have a bigger claim over it than you?

Stupid woman

Fayaa Tue 30-Aug-16 14:33:50

Oh no, don't be mean - she was just having "one of those days" I think, but it got me worried! Sounds like she's been keeping it in for a while though!

Fayaa Tue 30-Aug-16 14:35:50

noappointmentNecessary - that's such a coincidence! Have any name recommendations for SIL? Seems like the have the same taste!

TheFace Tue 30-Aug-16 14:38:35

What are you supposed to do? Change your DDs name so she can use Valentine?

Ignore her, sounds like she's making an issue out of nothing and she'll soon find another name she likes.

Fayaa Tue 30-Aug-16 14:40:22

My main issue is that if she had TOLD me she wanted to use Valentine, I might have considered a different name. Ok, I'm getting angry again now. angry

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 30-Aug-16 14:43:09

FWIW, Valentina for a girl is much nicer than Valentine for a boy - but that's just my opinion!

No, you didn't steal SILs name at all.

angeldiver Tue 30-Aug-16 14:48:41

I was pregnant the same time as twin, she was due day before me, I went over, so she had hers 2 weeks before me.
Her partner rang up and asked did we mind if they used the name we had chosen.
What can you say to that?

The name meant something to me, it didn't to her. I wasn't happy then but 15 years on, that name wouldn't have suited my dc.
It is quite a 'hard' name and I think my dc suits their softer name.

RitesOfSpring Tue 30-Aug-16 14:52:52

My dad's first child was a boy and his sister's was a girl, and they used the male/female version of the same name (their father's name). As a kid I never even thought about it really and only realised recently how many people would make an issue of it. Never seemed to bother anyone in our family though!

RitesOfSpring Tue 30-Aug-16 14:55:15

*Her partner rang up and asked did we mind if they used the name we had chosen.
What can you say to that?*

I don't know, maybe... "YES WE MIND"!

Haha, honestly if my sibling did that (we are both due within 2 weeks of each other later this year) I'd say you can use it if you really must, but we will still be using it for our DC.

SanityClause Tue 30-Aug-16 14:58:01

I think you're right about pregnancy hormones. Also, it sounds like you are getting the story second hand via your mum. Maybe your SIL didn't actually say you had discussed names, but your mum assumed you had.

I think your DSIL will get over it, and either choose another lovely name, or use Valentine, anyway, possibly as a middle name.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Tue 30-Aug-16 15:07:06

If she wants to call her Son Valentine, tell her to go ahead.

sleepachu Tue 30-Aug-16 15:09:26

it's yours and your brother's grandad and not hers? really weird to have a go at you about it in that case. you sound so nice about it too. sure she'll cheer up when she's less hormonal. could they use the name anyway or is that weird? my cousin had her daughter about a year after my mum had me and liked my name so much she asked my mum if she could use it too. we just get called little X and big X smile

MakeItStopNeville Tue 30-Aug-16 15:12:41

I would just tell your SIL she's free to use the name if she wants. Valentine and Valentina are different names.

I know a male Valentine. He would be the first to say it's not an easy name to carry when you're 14, short and a bit fat.

WindInThePussyWillows Tue 30-Aug-16 15:16:07

Difficult and different circumstances but this happened to us recently..
Both me and SIL pregnant. I knew I was having a boy, she had no idea.
She was due a month before and said she had no names at all and wasn't going to think about it until baby was here safely.
I expressly told her the name we had decided on and why (DPs middle name and my late grandads name)
She gave birth 3 weeks before me, didn't name he baby until a week old because she couldn't decide and used both the first and middle name we had told her we were using.

DP called her thoughtless for not even thinking to call him and let him know or talk to him about it and then we found out trough Facebook.

Not had the same relationship since.

LotsOfDots Tue 30-Aug-16 15:23:34

My sister and I had DDs the same week. We didn't tell each other name choices, and we didn't know what sex we were having. We agreed in advance that whoever delivered first could name baby whatever they planned, but would check that the MN wasn't the others name choice. It wasn't, and all was grand. We had 2 names ready in case of a clash.

Holding a grudge for 4 years? Wow.

Noappointmentnecessary Tue 30-Aug-16 15:37:03

Or James x

babyblabber Tue 30-Aug-16 15:46:41

My youngest is 1.5 and when I was pregnant my sister, who was not even pregnant, asked me not to use a name, let's say A, even though my husband really wanted to.

So we had it on our long list but wouldn't have felt comfortable using it. In the end we had a final two, let's say B and C. We used B. Now pregnant again and C is obviously the front runner. Or was until my sister had a baby last week and called it C!!!! When I asked why she didn't use A, the name she banned me from using she said her husband preferred C confused

Now I'm totally stuck for a girl's name for this one. Hope it's a boy!!!!

babyblabber Tue 30-Aug-16 15:51:52

Ps I know we could use A but the whole thing has kind of taken the shine off it.

Fayaa Tue 30-Aug-16 17:19:17

I didn't realise how much of a common situation this was! I can see why it would be an issue if you told someone a name you were going to use and they used it instead, this really didn't happy in my situation though! I am getting the story second hand from my mum, so (holds hands up) I should probably talk to SIL directly when she's calmed down

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 30-Aug-16 21:34:19

She is being ridiculous. Ignore her.

marmitecrumpets Tue 30-Aug-16 21:36:45

What about Romeo? Same love themed name?!

NataliaOsipova Tue 30-Aug-16 21:41:07

This whole name thing is ridiculous. Names and tiger people will have them. Generally this is good and means that your child won't feel that they have a "weird" name. Ok - within families it's potentially worth checking you won't have cousins with exactly the same name (to avoid confusion!), but other than that, does it really matter?

(My mum was - quite literally - aghast that her neighbours had chosen my DD's name for their baby. I said they'd probably heard her say it and liked it. What's to get worked up about?)

NataliaOsipova Tue 30-Aug-16 21:42:09

Tiger people?? Autocorrect gone mad. Meant "other people". Sorry!

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