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Perils of name picking - am I in the wrong?

(18 Posts)
Titchypanda Tue 16-Aug-16 09:56:37

Hi all!

My sister and I both happen to love the same name for a baby boy. It's not one I'd thought about as never expected to get pregnant, but when she mentioned it, I loved it. She had a little girl so never used it. When I mentioned I liked the name, I asked if she would prefer us not to consider the name or any other names she loved. She said if we liked it, we could use it.

It has become our favourite name and last night I rather excitedly told her. Well, for want of a better phrase, the s**t hit the fan. She went nuts accused me of being selfish and horrible and name stealing. This went on for ages. I asked her why if she loved it so much did she say we could use it? Her reasoning, she didn't think we would.

Am I in the wrong here? I presumed by her saying we could use it, she meant it.

I find out the gender at scan in 3 weeks and she said she hopes the baby is a girl so we can't use it.

She said she won't talk to me about baby anymore and I should just inform her when it's born.

So do I give up the one name I love if we have a boy to placate her or keep and have her not talk to me.

With all the hormones at the moment, this has really upset me.

8angle Tue 16-Aug-16 10:32:10

Sorry that you have all this drama going on at what should be a really happy and exciting time for you.

She does sound very unreasonable about the name, however if she is not prepared to see sense then you have to decide what is more important to you, a name or the relationship with your sister.

Is she always this dramatic? is it likely to be something she will get over or will she hold the grudge for ever?

You have 3 weeks before you have to make a decision.

If she is normally like this then i am not sure that this is a relationship that is great for you and your child anyway. If she is not her reaction might have been triggered by something such as a miscarriage you don't know about or some disappointment that she had a girl not a boy first time.

bombayflambe Tue 16-Aug-16 10:42:08

I think she is being a bit bonkers but she feels the way she feels and so do you. If you had to choose between using this name and losing your relationship with your sister would you love it so much?
Is there another name you like almost as much?
Or would you like to share it so we can all come up with names in the same type you might love as much?

Titchypanda Tue 16-Aug-16 10:44:47

It's a pretty standard relationship for us. She's always been like this. She had a mc at 6w a yr before she had her daughter. I've always been very supportive of her, she's my younger sister and I go into protective big sis mode if she's upset or hurting.

My OH wonders if she's being more like this because for the first time in almost 3 years, the attention is less on her than it is on me.

I'd give up the name, but she says I've spoilt it for her forever so feel like I can't win either way!

RiverTam Tue 16-Aug-16 10:48:17

Maybe she is pregnant herself?

TheNaze73 Tue 16-Aug-16 10:50:23

She sounds unhinged. She doesn't own the copyright & I actually think she's kicking off as the spotlight isn't on her.

InternationalHouseofToast Tue 16-Aug-16 10:55:05

Just to warn you, you may not find out the sex in 3 weeks. Unco-operative babies lying awkwardly can mean the sonographer can't see clearly.

Stick with the name you like but tell no-one else about it until the baby is here. We had similar with my DSis disliking our chosen name because it reminded her of someone. It's not worth the hassle.

augustusdecimus Tue 16-Aug-16 11:34:35

First she says you can use it, then gets mad and says she only says that because she thought you wouldn't, and now "she says I've spoilt it for her forever"? Jesus.

How do people get away with being so melodramatic? Nobody in my family would stand for that from me, nor vice-versa. If she says you've spoilt the name for her then you might as well use it since you love it so much! Tell her to get the f* over it.

augustusdecimus Tue 16-Aug-16 11:37:11

Tell her that this is how adult conversations work:

"We know that you like this boy's name a lot, but we do too. Do you mind if we use it, if we have a boy?"

Option 1:
"Actually I'd prefer you didn't"
"Okay, no problem, we won't"

Option 2:
"No, it's fine, you can use it"
"Okay, we will, thanks."

Pretty simple.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 16-Aug-16 11:38:17

Name your baby whatever you like. She can name her baby if she has another the same name,no big deal.

SpaceDinosaur Tue 16-Aug-16 11:45:01

I agree with the PP. Name your baby whatever you like.

I would also REALLY like to know the name! (Currently looking at names for DC1 who's due at Christmas!)

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 16-Aug-16 11:47:53

I was at a big Irish funeral last year and if you'd shouted out my husband's name then 20 odd men would've replied 😁

wesH Tue 16-Aug-16 12:11:01

You sister sounds like a right drama queen. What a ridiculous overreaction. I say if you really want to use the name go ahead, but be prepared to put up with more toddler tantrums from her. Do you really love the name so much that it's worth having to put up with that?

Titchypanda Tue 16-Aug-16 19:06:05

All day she's been leaving snarky comments on my Facebook trying to bait me. I'm ignoring it and not responding.

The name isn't worth it and neither is the stress. Evidently I can't win whatever I decide. confused

crayfish Tue 16-Aug-16 19:13:54

These kind of things are always difficult, on the one hand your sister is being a ridiculous drama queen but on the other, will all this drama over the name 'spoil' it for you too?

This is why we never told anyone any of our name ideas until the baby was born. I really recommend it.

lljkk Tue 16-Aug-16 20:15:11

She's a ridiculous drama queen, but you are stuck with her for life. There are lots of nice names, I wouldn't want to battle over one.

nooka Thu 18-Aug-16 05:01:33

I'd just leave it for now. Just because you may know the sex of your baby doesn't mean you have to give him/her a name so in truth you have lots of time to decide.

flumpybear Thu 18-Aug-16 05:40:24

Dare I ask ... what's the name!?

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