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Pressue on names

(20 Posts)
Rpj16 Sat 16-Jan-16 16:05:03

A much loved relative is dying and we are under pressure from family members to name our newborn after this relative.

Not overly keen on doing this - mainly because there is so much pressure to do it, and I don't think it goes with what we already have, and I'm not overly attached to the name, (I love the relative, and its upsetting), but it's a 'tradition'...apparently. There are other family members who have had children before me and were not encouraged to use the family name.

Ahhhhh so annoying. Thoughts? AIBU?

Honoria Sat 16-Jan-16 16:07:54

How about using it as a middle name, even a second middle name?

CrystalMcPistol Sat 16-Jan-16 16:09:12

I wouldn't bow to pressure.

Firstly because they shouldn't be putting this pressure on you. And also because your baby is a person in their own right, they're not coming into the world just to honour a relative. I think it's a bit gloomy to name a baby after a recently deceased or soon to be deceased relative.

IoraRua Sat 16-Jan-16 16:09:44

Yes, I think a middle name is a good suggestion. You could use a variation of the name as well (eg Maria for Mary).

TrinityForce Sat 16-Jan-16 16:11:21

No way, don't let family decide what you name your baby.

Tell them to pack it in if you don't like it.

Soooosie Sat 16-Jan-16 16:11:28

Use it as an extra middle name

Rpj16 Sat 16-Jan-16 16:11:36

It's terrible isn't it, I feel plagued with guilt over it. Thanks for the replies - I don't feel I could use it as a middle name, as the first name we have chosen (after so much thought and arguments discussion between me and DH) is actually a fairly distant variant of the relatives name. It would sound/look weird!

Soooosie Sat 16-Jan-16 16:12:13

Or find a variation you like for the middle name. Don't be cornered. If relatives ask just say you are not discussing it

Rpj16 Sat 16-Jan-16 16:13:13

How can I tell them gently in this sensitive time? I won't be bringing up the names, but if anyone else does, how can I firmly say no, without causing upset.

Soooosie Sat 16-Jan-16 16:13:17

The fact the chosen name is a distant relative of the relations name is nice in itself. Don't be swayed

CrystalMcPistol Sat 16-Jan-16 16:13:56

When is your baby due?

Soooosie Sat 16-Jan-16 16:16:39

Just change the topic of conversation. Pretend you didn't hear them talking to you. Ask them a question about something else.

Or just say nicely 'can we talk about something else please. Im not in the mood to think about names'

Or say 'that's interesting idea' followed by a subject change 'oh you must miss him'

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 16-Jan-16 16:18:12

I would just say no, nice but firmly.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 16-Jan-16 16:19:09

Point out the name you have chosen is a variant of sorts, as you said in your last post but one?

SoWhite Sat 16-Jan-16 16:20:26

Sod everybody saying that you have to accommodate them.

ONLY you and DP get to name your kids.

Tell them to get fucked. This is an outrageously cheeky suggestion. I'd be livid in your shoes.

Conundrumparpapumpum Sat 16-Jan-16 16:20:28

Choosing to name a child in honour of a loved friend or relative is a lovely and meaningful thing to do.

Being forced to do so would remove any meaning imo.

In our culture it is parents privilege to name their own children and other people should leave them alone to do this.

Up to you, but I would only do it if it would mean something to you. If not, then I would gently but firmly explain this to whoevers applying pressure. I would be tempted to work the pregnancy / stressed / tired / hormonal card to get them off your back.

Rpj16 Sat 16-Jan-16 18:47:03

Baby is due incredibly soon. Thanks for the agreement, glad I'm not being selfish - thought maybe I was being irrational!

I'll just stand my ground and avoid the topic until baby is born and registered! If pressed, I'll say we'll use that name if we have another baby of the same sex! (which I'll be happy to do tbh!)

I've just seen another thread involving flipping family names! ...stupid family naming traditions. I'm going to make a new family tradition up. A really ridiculous one just to prove a point! lol

Thanks again every one smile much needed support

NHKX2 Sat 16-Jan-16 18:47:45

Tell them to get fucked. This is an outrageously cheeky suggestion. I'd be livid in your shoes.

This. Dying relative or not, they don't get to have a say in the name of your child. Politely as you can muster, tell them the topic is not up for communal discussion.

magpie17 Sat 16-Jan-16 19:14:49

If you're going to be using a variant of the name anyway then surely this should shut people up?

Rpj16 Sun 17-Jan-16 13:40:37

Yes, it should do..... i'll report back once its all done and registered.

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