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Regret over dd's name

(68 Posts)
LaNomDeChange Wed 29-Jul-15 13:47:56

Dd is not that far off turning 2 but I still worry that I got it wrong. Her name is Lila, pronounced Lyla. My main concerns are that the pronunciation is confusing and that it's too feminine.

I knew that pronounciation could be an issue before she was born but I just preferred to spell it the way we did. I didn't realise it would worry me so much.

A few months after dd was born I read that Taylor Swift's parents named her Taylor because it's unisex and wouldn't hold her back if she chose a corporate career. Then I read about a man with a feminine sounding name who got a lot more interviews once he changed the name on his cv to a more masculine sounding one. Ever since finding that out I feel like I've reduced dd's chance of getting a successful career. I can't stop worrying and it's too late to change. sad

BooChunky Wed 29-Jul-15 13:50:52

I think 2 is too late to change a name... Is there a middle name you like better?

For what it's worth, I know very successful people with a whole variety of names..

MrsLeighHalfpenny Wed 29-Jul-15 13:52:21

It's not too late to change it - anyone can change their name by deedpoll. I'm not sure if you can do this on behalf of DD, but she can certainly do this herself at 18 if she wants to.

However, in the meantime you can call her anything you like. My DS isn't known by any of her Christian names - she had a nickname of Belle when she was little, and it's stuck into adult hood.

Floggingmolly Wed 29-Jul-15 13:54:59

You'll confuse the hell out of a 2 year old if you suddenly change her name!

FreedomIsParamount Wed 29-Jul-15 13:55:08

My name is Lyla. I love it and get many compliments from strangers and friends. It's not hindered me in any professional way.

It can be annoying when people pronounce it wrong but I laugh it off. It's a talking point when meeting new people, which makes meeting new people easier.

Cloggal Wed 29-Jul-15 13:56:45

I mean this really gently lanom but the career thing sounds like a total red herring. While I (completely) agree that it is harder for women in the workplace, there are millions out there with feminine names who have wonderful careers. Even if her name was Taylor and she got more interviews they would still hire her as a woman. I personally think it's important to show her it's great to be feminine, that gender isn't important - she can be whoever she wants and do whatever she wants regardless of her name.

Lila is a very lovely name, one that works well in all manner of situations. Is it possible at all that you're fixating on the name as a problem when you're worried about other things (even the general business of 'being a mum', that we all do)?

All of that said, if it's really upsetting you and your relationship with Lila, change it, but I don't think it's certain that it will necessarily be the answer you're looking for. I really don't mean any of the above to sound harsh because you sound really worried. flowers

Mrsjayy Wed 29-Jul-15 13:57:48

Dh has what is considered a female name it hasnt held him back taylor swift is a singer not in coperate, looks very girly but maybe isnt it really doesnt matter fwiw your dd is 2 its just a name it is how you raise girls that matters not what you name them, out of interest if you could name her again what would you call her ?

Cloggal Wed 29-Jul-15 13:58:00

(When I said gender isn't important that was clumsy - I meant more that it's not fixed and people shouldn't be judged on it...)

mrsmeerkat Wed 29-Jul-15 13:58:17

Are you 100 percent sure it isn't anxiety not related to her name? To me, her name is lovely and won't hold her back at all.

It is your charachter that determines things in life, I feel.

You could use her middle name and double barrell it to her for a while and then drop the Lila eventually but only if you really want to.

LaNomDeChange Wed 29-Jul-15 13:58:30

I wouldn't change her name but I can't stop worrying that I've hindered her in life! Thank you Freedom, that did make me feel better smile

FungusTheBogeymam Wed 29-Jul-15 14:02:50

I don't think the pronunciation is confusing - it's pretty straightforward, isn't it? And even if people DO get it wrong, smiling and telling them the correct pronunciation is OK.

As for too feminine ... at least it's clear that she's a girl. I would think confusion over the gender of the person would be more annoying than confusion over how it's pronounced.

Do you still love the name? That's all that matters.

FreedomIsParamount Wed 29-Jul-15 14:04:12

Glad I could help.

Honestly you haven't hindered her. Promise. smile

LaNomDeChange Wed 29-Jul-15 14:07:38

I don't know what I'd change her name to if I could turn back time. I can't imagine her with a different name. I probably would worry whatever I called her, it feels like such a big responsibility to have. I was reading the thread 'do you judge people on their names' and all the worries I've had in the background came to the surface.

Maybe I do just have general anxiety mrsmeerkat. I've been feeling overwhelmed lately at teaching her words. The thought of learning a whole language and concepts, not to mention reading and writing, it seems impossible to me at the moment. Plus I'm worrying about dh's family's lack of interest in dd. Sorry I shouldn't have started this thread I'm all over the place. I blame the change in weather!

Mrsjayy Wed 29-Jul-15 14:09:25

My dh gets asked for ms miss mrs he gets letters for the same tbh im not sure what his mum was thinking apparently it was a family surname his brother got the same naming but a normal name anyway having a femminie name is fine for a girl

LaNomDeChange Wed 29-Jul-15 14:10:47

Your poor dh, that must get annoying!

Mrsjayy Wed 29-Jul-15 14:12:22

Aww you sound stressed and overwhelmed you dont have to worry so much about everything all at once she is only 2 calm down her name is lovely she will learn at her own pace flowers

Mrsjayy Wed 29-Jul-15 14:14:00

It irritates him no end especially as he gets older as the name is afemale name now

LaNomDeChange Wed 29-Jul-15 14:14:47

Thank you Mrsjayy it means a lot

SaulGood Wed 29-Jul-15 14:27:40

Remember also that your dd has been born into a different world to the one even Taylor S was born into. We've some work still to do, granted but you absolutely should not reject the feminine because it's seen as negative. Quite the opposite in fact. Equality is more evident now than it was 20 years ago and will be, I hope, taken for granted by the time Lila is taking the world by storm.

Your wonderful, unique and lovely girl will go all sorts of places. She'll take with her the name you chose for her. It won't be an anchor holding her back.

SaulGood Wed 29-Jul-15 14:30:25

I guess what I'm clumsily saying is that we shouldn't achieve things in life by pretending to be more masculine or rejecting stereotypical or obviously feminine tropes. Not at all. All that does is reinforce the terrible misogyny that's gone before.

Your daughter deserves to know that she is who she is. She might be very stereotypically feminine and that might just be the person she is meant to be. Don't let her think she has to hide who she is or label herself differently because of some ridiculous, patriarchal hierarchy which we will only abolish through not conforming to it.

FreedomIsParamount Wed 29-Jul-15 14:37:25

You sound quite anxious. What is it about teaching Lila words that makes you so worried? Is there anything you can do about the grandparents taking more of an interest? Have you spoken to your husband about it?

Sorry I'm not being purposefully nosey but maybe if you can sort out these problems your anxiety will ease up a bit. flowers

FreedomIsParamount Wed 29-Jul-15 14:39:57

Oh and I completely agree with SaulGood.

And besides, it's a beautiful name grin. It means "beautiful night" or "dark haired beauty" in Arabic.

Zebda Wed 29-Jul-15 14:41:33

I agree with *Saulgood *- great posts

OP, I work in a Corporate environment, traditionally male-dominated (but that is changing rapidly!) and wouldn't bat an eyelid at a colleague being called Lila at all. I understand you are anxious (the things we mothers find to feel guilty about wink) but I really don't think this lovely name will hold your daughter back, whatever she chooses to be. Please don't worry thanks

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 29-Jul-15 14:42:05

Sorry but maybe I am missing the point but I really do not see anything negative about a little girl having a name that is too feminine. Mind you I love all girly and pretty names.
Lila is beautiful. You can't change her name now. I mean I know someone who changed their little boys name after 5 days but at all most 2. They know their names

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Wed 29-Jul-15 14:43:12

How else would you pronounce Lila? confused

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