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Middle name etiquette

(12 Posts)
NotKayBurley Sun 03-May-15 10:04:49

I am planning to give dc two middle names, one of which will be my mum or dad's first name. Would it be weird/offensive to Dp's family if the second mn doesn't come from their side? Dp himself is unbothered but I wouldn't want to piss off his parents!

Allthatnonsense Sun 03-May-15 10:07:21

Are you giving DC his surname? If so, they are included.

BIWI Sun 03-May-15 10:08:44

I think it's a bit insensitive. Why wouldn't you use one of your PILs names?

Missmonkeypenny Sun 03-May-15 10:08:45

I don't think so. DD only has one middle name which is my grandmothers name, but her initials match those of my late grandfather which was fully intentional. I did ask DP if he wanted to include any of his family names as middle names but as DD has his surname, he wasn't bothered by it and neither are his parents!

Redlocks28 Sun 03-May-15 10:11:05

I think it's a bit insensitive. Why wouldn't you use one of your PILs names?

Lots of reasons probably!

NotKayBurley Sun 03-May-15 10:13:11

Allthat - Yup, dc will have his surname (it's nicer than mine!)

BIWI - only because my own parent's names mean more to me and dp isn't bothered.. Would happily use the names if it meant a lot to them though.

NightsOfGethsemane Sun 03-May-15 10:14:14

I don't think so. DD1s middle name is the same as her paternal great gran's. Never crossed my mind that my parents would be offended!

Mind you, DD2s middle name is from my side of the family so perhaps that evens things out!

Totality22 Sun 03-May-15 10:14:51

As they are having the PIL surname then I see no issue.

We gave DS a middle name that is on both sides of the family and DD a middle name we liked.

mineallmine Sun 03-May-15 10:17:42

Both my children have first names chosen because we liked them, middle names from my family and dh's surname.

When I was pg with ds, I suggested using my surname for him - I have a nice ordinary surname, dh's is a bit unusual and he was teased a lot in school- and dh got all he-man and insisted that the children should have his surname. So I agreed but said that the middle names would be from my family only. Sorted and fair.

Redlocks28 Sun 03-May-15 11:22:54

Both my children have first names chosen because we liked them, middle names from my family and dh's surname.


MrsHathaway Sun 03-May-15 11:43:51

Two of my DC have two middle names, and the other has one. They all have first names we chose because we liked them.

DC1's middle is my granny's maiden name. She had recently died.

DC2's middles are my father's name and GFIL's name (father of MIL).

DC3's middles are FIL's name and a name from my mother's family, held by my brother, uncle, great-uncle, etc.

We only got into two middle names with DC2. We have offered to add another for DC1, although it will be fiddly and expensive to get a deed poll for a minor. He wants to add DH's name.

So ultimately each of them will have two middle names, one from my side and one from his.

There are lots of family names we haven't used - all the girls' names for a start, but also my grandpa's name which is my ex's name, etc.

I think since they get a his-side surname then it should be ok not to pick a middle name from his side. We all have the same surname so it wouldn't "count".

I do think it would be nicer to have one from their side, though. It can be a very tenuous link, of course! It might not matter to DP but might end up mattering to DC. Could you get a list of all the family names, including grandparents' middles and maiden names, and see if any of them appeals? You might spot an Anne and say you chose Annabel to honour her, for example.

IvoryMadonna Sun 03-May-15 11:52:27

Do the PIL even like their own names? I wouldn't want anybody to name a child after me because I loathe my own name.

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