Baby name dilemma....again(20 Posts)
I posted about 6 weeks ago and thought I had got over it...but seems not.
I have a gorgeous DD, she really is divine. I can't shake the feeling we have picked the wrong name. Her name is violet, she is 3.5 months. We considered changing it, trailing different names for a while but didn't feel right so decided to stick. Some days I love her name and feel fine about it, but other days I an really unhappy with it. It's starting to consume all my thoughts, but I really don't have a name that I would be 100% swapping too. I am feeling getting very down and feel I have failed her as I love my eldest DDs name and I don't want DD2 to have second best. I am hoping these feeling will go away, but I am also worried if I dither about too much more we won't be able to change her name and I don't want to have these feelings her whole life. How have I got in such a muddle?? I just want the perfect name for my perfect girl, but I am truly stumped as what to do for the best.
Sorry for the long ramble, if anyone can offer any advice or simply tell me to get over it, it really would be much appreciated, I am one sad mumma at the mo x
Bless you, firstly Violet is a beautiful name and I think you chose very well.
Do you think you're struggling generally and this is something you've focused on maybe? Or were you not 100% convinced on Violet and as times gone on the name isn't right?
Have you spoke to oh would he agree if you did want to change it?
Thank you wishful for replying, very kind of you. Mmmm good thought, in general I feel ok, other than usual mum worries, but I think that's a given! OH is happy to change it if I want to, but equally happy to stick. Perhaps I wasn't 100% to start with. I liked the name throughout the pregnancy and we had a short list and violet was the best from the list, but I certainly don't have the same feeling to it as my eldest daughters name. Perhaps it's normal to prefer one child's name to another? aahhhh hate this indecisiveness!
All I can add and said this last time (sorry to hear you still feel this way) is that I feel Violet is an utterly beautiful, lovely name, very sweet for a little girl and whimsically gorgeous for a young woman and grown woman!!
Not very helpful though...sorry. Mighty sounds silly, but maybe as you are so used to having your DD1 and calling out a different girls name, might now sound odd saying a very different name out loud, also for a little girl?
Violets are my favourite flowers in the whole world and they are flowering in my garden right now. I think it's a beautiful name.
I was pressured (a lot) to choose names for my 2nd and 3rd DDs that I wasn't particularly keen on. I didn't dislike them, but they weren't my 1st choice.
However I now feel that their names have grown into them, if you see what I mean. Their names do not define my daughters, my daughters define their names. So I cannot imagine them being called anything other than what they are called.
Not sure if that makes sense! But what I'm trying to say is don't focus on the 6 letters that make the word, focus on the beautiful child who is making the name hers.
Okay, honestly I think you've left it too long now - it will cause no end of hassle and people will think you are a bit mad. Having said that, if it was an awful or totally 'out there' bonkers name chosen in a moment of post natal madness and you decided you hated it, I'd say go ahead and change it.
But seriously, Violet is just lovely. It's classy, classic, pretty, elegant, not faddy, not too common (in either sense of the word) and I think you will struggle to find something else that fits that brief as well and makes all the hassle of changing it worthwhile.
You have up to a year to change. I did. Not bonkers at all!
I too love dd1 name so much but couldn't settle on second dds name. I'm glad I changed it as second name is better than first but if I had my way would change it a million times as I love names!
PS there is no perfect name.
Try to commit to calling her a new name for awhile?
Give yourself a break. Also no one will think badly of you for too long. People can't even remember DC2 old name!
Please give us other choices
I think Violet is lovely. I do wonder whether you might just be fixating a more general anxiety on the name issue? I had a similar obsessive stress over my daughter's name in the weeks running up to her birth (so not as big a problem!) and looking back I was just a bit unwell with general anxiety and was focusing on that. I find knowing that I have the tendency to do that helps me, as now when I start obsessing over some particular thing I can check myself and put it in perspective.
Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Could you try out some different nicknames, maybe for a week at a time, and see if that helps you feel differently about the name? I love Lettie for example, but there are others you could try (Vivi, Letta...)
I think it's not too late to change if you were sure, but as you don't have another name that is the one....
Fwiw I think it is normal both to have a fave of your children's names, and also to find calling a newborn by their chosen name very odd for quite a while. I have three and felt odd each time. I prob called them some silly nickname for quite a while in place of their actual names, but they do grow into them!
I love Violet too, it is great.
OP can you say what DD1 is called?
Also why not take a week off from thinking about this and in the meantime call Dd2 bubba or some similar pet name. Sometimes if you overthink you then can't think straight. Just try and clear your head. You probably feel under pressure to resolve this issue but panicking and rushing the decision will make you doubt it in the long run.
Just enjoy your baby and her little personality will help guide you.
If you do decide you want to change her name you have up to a year to do so. People will find it odd if you change her name after xmonths but they will soon get over it. It is your child and family so whatever you do don't worry about what other people think!
It's not too late. There's a reason why you can change the name on the birth certificate for a year ;)
I do however agree: Violet is a great name, but that doesn't help you if it doesn't fit your daughter.
I also think you should take some time off thinking about it, as suggested above. It might make you realise that Violet was the right choice all along?
Talk to your DH about it ASAP if you haven't. But make sure to really explain how much you're thinking about this.
Another option is giving her a middle name/nick name that you feel suits her and which you can call her. You can then tell everybody you have realised she is more of a 'x' so please call her that, sort of thing.
Or even switch The names around and have Violet as her middle name and the new one as a first name?
If you feel this strongly about it, don't let 'what other people might think' stop you from giving her a name that suits her. Have a guilt free look through some name books/ sites.
Hugs from London x
Yes I agree withb above poster if you do want to change your dd's name don't let the worry of what people might say stop you she's still quite young and I think most mums would be able to relate to a point.
I went through a stage when my dd was about 6 months where I really worried about her name and whether I'd made a mistake it didn't last long for me and I love her name again now- think it was a wobble at the time- but if it had of continued I would have thought about changing it too.
Thanks everyone for your comments. Im feeling a lot better today and reading some really positive comments about violets name has been a big help.
My eldest is Matilda, and perhaps as bubgal said I'm so used to calling that out all the time it feels odd calling violet. Also they look incredibly similar as babies, so at first I did almost feel as if I was renaming Matilda.
I am just trying to chill out about it for a while and see how I feel, she is really starting to develop her character now so I am hoping she is going to start growing into her name and I will get more used to it.
It's good to know I am not the only one who has had a name wobble and that you don't all think I am barking mad! X
I have a Matilda too! Violet is beautiful and complements it well.
I struggled with my DD's name for months and felt really upset that I didn't love it. I used to feel a bit sick that we'd chosen a name that didn't seem right. But a little over a year on and I do love it now. I'm really glad I didn't change it.
Violet is a beautiful name and I love the nicknames waxweasel suggests.
I hope you come to some peace with it one way or another.
Violet and Matilda go perfectly!! Gorgeous names.
Obviously with Matilda ending with "a" might just be rolling off your tongue differently and if they look alike I can understand why it all may feel a bit random right now.
Matilda and Violet are lovely together OP
Matilda and Violet go really well together. Both beautiful names but I actually prefer Violet so please dont think of it as second best.
Thanks for the comments everyone.
Biggeryellowtaxi - what made you settle on your DDs name finally? Did it just seem to get easier or did you consciously decide to stick with it?
Burgatroyd - what age did you change it?
Tbh I'm beyond caring if others think we are wierd if we did change it, I just want to come to a conclusion that I feel 100% on. I am starting o think there isn't a name I would feel sure of and perhaps I just accept that no name would give me the same certainty I feel with Matilda.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.