Middle names - 1 for first child & 2 for second - DH thinks it's a bit unfair, do you?

(32 Posts)
johendy Tue 28-Apr-15 08:59:25

My first child, DS has 1 middle name - his paternal grandfather's. My second child, DD had just arrived and we're thinking about giving her 2 - her maternal grandmothers and an NZ Maori name meaning love (I'm from NZ, DH is English). In hindsight I wish I'd given DS a Maori middle name too, but it just didn't occur to us at the time.

DH thinks it's not fair on DS to have 1 less middle name. What do others think?

Joyfulldeathsquad Tue 28-Apr-15 09:01:39

I honestly think its a non issue. DP has no middle name at all yet his brother has his dads name. It's not an issue for him.

Bluestocking Tue 28-Apr-15 09:06:41

I have two middle names, my sisters only have one. We fought about everything you can imagine for our entire childhood and adolescence but I can honestly say that the number of middle names never even occurred to us. I think you're safe.

Nolim Tue 28-Apr-15 09:06:48

I think having 2 middle names is too much. But it is a matter of preference not fairness.

cosytoaster Tue 28-Apr-15 09:08:40

My eldest DS has two middle names (I used up all the names I liked as I was sure I would never put myself through childbirth again grin), youngest DS just has one - they are in their teens now and it has never been an issue

ShadowSteam Tue 28-Apr-15 09:11:39

I think whether it's an issue will depend on what the children are like when they're older.

I have one friend - eldest child- who has no middle name. Her younger brother has a middle name. When this came up in conversation, it was clearly a sore subject for her, and she thinks its some sort of evidence that her parents favour her brother more than her. I think there's probably a whole lot of other stuff going on with her and her family under the surface that's made her feel less favoured, but the middle name thing hasn't helped.

So anyway, I'd be inclined to give each child the same number of middle names.

elQuintoConyo Tue 28-Apr-15 09:15:11

I have one, DSis has two. I couldn't give a stuff. Except hers are 'ordinary' 1970s, mine is ATROCIOUS 1970s grin obviously I'm more popular at 'what's your middle name' type parties gringrin

JimmyCorkhill Tue 28-Apr-15 09:17:50

Can you give a Maori name to your Ds too? Maybe he could help choose it. Disclaimer - I have no idea of the legalities surrounding this!

JimmyCorkhill Tue 28-Apr-15 09:18:27

Oh, and elQuinto you must tell us what your middle name is now!

puddock Tue 28-Apr-15 09:22:55

Why not give your DS1 a Maori middle name too? If he's old enough, he could be involved in the choice.

("Every week, we issue at least one Deed Poll to someone who makes Danger their middle name" made me laugh.)

AbbeyRoadCrossing Tue 28-Apr-15 09:23:24

My grandad always felt left out he didn't have a middle name and his brother did, obviously he told me this when he was old so it had clearly been an issue for him a very long time.
Can you get DS to choose an unofficial Maori name as PP suggested? Apart from official documents you don't use middle names anyway, and sometimes they only want the first one

puddock Tue 28-Apr-15 09:25:36

Though you don't need deed poll, you could just pick one and use it.
I (and I guess many others raised Roman Catholic) have a second middle name that I was given at confirmation age 11. It's obviously not on my birth certificate and I never officially added it, but I still think of it as part of my full name.

puddock Tue 28-Apr-15 09:26:31

xposted with Jimmy while sniggering about Danger smile

AugustaGloop Tue 28-Apr-15 09:27:04

my youngest sibling had 2 middle names (parents could not agree). Rest of us had 1. Never caused any issues.

PatriciaHolm Tue 28-Apr-15 09:29:34

DD has 1, younger DS has 2 simply because we decided to give him one of DH's Middle names at the last minute, an unusual one that meant a lot to FIL. DD has never been in the least bit concerned, partly I think because she knows her middle name is a tradition on my side so she got a "family" name too.

If one name is far more meaningful than the name given to another child i can see why it might rankle a little.

switchitoff Tue 28-Apr-15 10:19:45

Depends whether your DCs are competitive / have sibling rivalry (and of course you won't know that until they grow up a bit).

Mine are teens and have always been massively competitive with each other. They still even argue about whose turn it is to go in the front of the car every morning! If I'd have given one of them fewer middle names than the other, I would never hear the end of it!!

I second other people's suggestion of giving your older DC a Maori middle name. You could even make it part of the baby-naming ceremony (if you're planning on doing that) which would make him feel special at the same time.

TheObligatoryNotQuiteSoNewGirl Tue 28-Apr-15 10:43:39

I think it's fine, although when my brother was born I was insanely jealous that he had two middle names and I only had one... what were his?: Alex Ander ! In my defence I wasn't quite three

elQuintoConyo Tue 28-Apr-15 23:11:48

Jimmy think actress/Blankety-Blank regular who advertised Luton Airport wink classy grin

AlmaMartyr Tue 28-Apr-15 23:14:13

I have two (love it!) and my siblings only have 1 each, has never come up as an issue at all. Unless they are raging bitterly behind my back.

My DM has always been upset that she didn't have a middle name at all though, when both her brothers got one. Think that's a whole other issue really though.

Blahia Wed 29-Apr-15 02:02:37

We decided to add a middle name to our first child's name aged nearly three abd I'm very happy I did, so I agree you could add one to your son's name, if he is big enough let him have a say in which one? X

nooka Wed 29-Apr-15 02:27:40

Me and one of my sisters have two middle names, but my eldest sister and brother only have one. It's never been an issue. Except that having two middle names is a bit of a pain as forms, bank cards etc only ever have room for one, which I find really annoying as my name looks all wrong with only one initial in the middle.

Having said that given the symbolism of your dd's extra name I'd look to picking one for ds too and either deed polling or informally giving it to him.

burgatroyd Wed 29-Apr-15 06:01:17

I have three! Yes three middle names!

DM confessed recently she wished shed just gone for two as it was too much on forms. I found this odd as I never found it a problem. For instance bank card just has three initials then surname.

The middle name issue is a non issue. What kind of lad is he? If he's chilled out it won't bother him.
Dd1 is non competitive but needs everything to be fair. She likes that dd2 has two middle names like her, that sound similar. He also thinks its fair they each have the same amount of letters!

Bowlersarm Wed 29-Apr-15 06:36:54

It's a non issue.

Ds1 has one. Ds2 and ds3 have two. They are teenagers. They haven't even noticed the difference. If they do, not one of them will care.

jaykay34 Wed 29-Apr-15 09:08:41

My eldest two don't have middle names but my youngest does. It doesn't bother the elder two at all.

johendy Sat 02-May-15 09:17:11

Thanks all. I'd really like him to have one and wish I'd given it at the time but I worried so much about naming him (I wasn't sure about his first name for months).
We've decided to leave it up to him. If, when he's older, he wants one, we'll help him choose one and if he's serious about it, we'll change it by deed poll.

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