Name Regret......?(37 Posts)
Here's the dilemma, in short:
Got one DD. Desperately wanted to use my fave name for her but partner just couldn't get along with it. What we ended up doing was picking something we both thought was ok for her first name, family name in the middle and THEN my choice as the second middle name. At the time, this seemed ok. I was afraid there might never be and more DD's and consoled myself with the idea that, well, at least it had been used somewhere.
Current situation = just given birth to DD2. I think you can guess where I am going with this. The name that DD1 has for her second middle name is still my favourite. I have tried exploring 'sound a likes' and names with a nickname potential that's similar. But in my heart of hearts, I know there will always be a pang of regret if I don't use it. I lay awake last night next to unnamed DD2 and explained how I felt. He simply replied - 'Well, that's one of DD1's names, so it's not feasible to use it for DD2.' So,I have half heartlessly announced my alternative but she is not yet registered so I can still change my I mind.....
What I want to know is:
Do you think I can still use it without taking it off DD1's birth certificate?
Will DD1 wonder why she wasn't 'good enough' to have the name in the first place? I know it would bother me.
Has anyone else had this dilemma and if so, what did you do?
It has gotten to the point now where I am avoiding joining mummies groups etc for fear that I will meet a LO with this name and won't be able to stop myself feeling resentful. Yes, it is that bad.
Can you tell us the names? That might help
If you do decide to recycle, then I wouldn't bother to remove the name from your first daughter's birth certificate.
I wouldn't be bothered about the fact it's dd1's second middle name. You could give dd2 a second middle name which is dd1's first name so they balance.
However I'd be more worried about the fact you'd be giving dd2 your much loved "dream name" where dd1 only has a name you think is ok. Seems a bit unfair... I know this will seem a bit illogical in some ways but if dd1 only gets an ok name then maybe dd2 should only get an ok name too?
would love to know the names...
I say go for it. It sounds like you really love the name and I think you'll regret it if you don't use it.
My first name is my sisters first middle name. Never a problem.
Names are Esme (my number 1) and Eliza (alternative). A friend of a friend has a little Eliza and I noticed that her nickname was 'Ezzie' which I really liked. It sort of sold it to me. 'For' Eliza, I feel it is ever so slightly less 'of the moment' - more classic maybe - and NOT Twilighty (OH's main concern, aside from the fact that he thought it was just too old ladyish). I just don't know if I love the alternative enough to use it. Being as I HATE the nicknames El/Ellie, I feel I will have to work hard to ensure that Ez/Ezzie is introduced early on and kind of sticks. And honestly, do you hear the word 'lie' very prominently in the name? This is also a concern!
Yes you can hear 'lie' as part of Eliza because that group of letters in Eliza makes that sound - it has never occurred to me till you typed it as lie to link it to that!
I think both Ese and Eliza are lovely and agree with other poster that if you make DD2 Eliza something else Esme surname then it will not cause any upset as it follows the pattern of DD1. And you don't need to tell either DD that one is a favoured name! Just that you liked both Esme & Eliza - so you decided as you were lucky enough to have 2 daughters to use them both!
That's usually how it is for the second born child if it's the same sex as the first though, minipie, i.e. He second one gets the second best name as the parents used their favourite on the first child. Certainly if my second turns out to be a boy, he will have our second-choice boy's name as we used our favourite boy's name on our firstborn.
OP, I see no issue with siblings sharing names, especially a second middle name, and especially if the second child's second middle name is the first child's first name - something nice to share.
I think you can use it. There was a thread on here once where a woman had two DS and they were called something like James Caleb and Caleb James. I kid you not. At least with your DDs the first child has another 2nd name, so its not going to sound so obvious.
I love the name Esme too.
if you give dd2 Esme as a first name, then maybe give her Eliza as a second middle name - so you can tell both girls you liked the idea of them having one linked name? or is that too awful twinny sounding? maybe it is.
My dd1 got my absolute fav name and my dd2 got my second absolute fav name. DD2 is fine with it. I am the second daughter and so I presume I got the second fav name - so glad I did as my sister's name is not one to want.
I think you should use Esme as it sounds like you will regret it if not and really want to use it.
If worried about dd1 having part of her name taken off her then I like the suggestion of calling dd2 "Esme, middlename, dd1 first name " to balance it
My first ds has 3 names.
My seconds ds has ds1 3rd name as his first name...hope that makes sense!
Do not compromise if it's causing you this much worry. My dd has a nice name but i wish I'd given her my dream name...
Has your partner come around to Esmr then? I think it's fine to use, and yes you could then use your first daughter's first name as your second daughter's second middle name.... But only if you're not acing anyone children, as it would get very complicated if you then had a third daughter as the two first are 'linked' name wise, if you see what I mean!?
If you feel she is an Esme, then convince your hisband, it seems like the end of the world because you're extra emotional having just given bieth, but really I think it's completely fine to use it
Congratulations on Baby Esme ;) x
I think you're overthinking this. If you love it that much and your DH can be persuaded, use it. No one else will think anything of it apart from maybe a passing "oh they must have really liked that name.." I went to school with two girls whose names were something like (changing as not to out me) Rebecca Helena and Helena Louise. All I ever thought was that the hirks parents must have loved the name Helena. No more than that.
Just reread my message.
'But only if you're not acing anyone children', should be:
But only if you're not having any more children.... In case that made no sense! Lol
I actually much prefer Eliza .
Is your DH happy to use Esme this time round? If so then go for it. Make DD2's second middle name the same as DD1's first name.
I'd use Esmée I bet nobody knows my kids middle names, who would even question it?? Go with your heart.
That's a fair point Abby. in our case we genuinely had two names we liked equally (the name we are going to give dd2, we very nearly gave to dd1) but I guess that's rare.
Esme is a lovely name and the Twilight thing wouldn't have occurred to me (even though I've read/seen the books and films) I think Twilight fever is over now.
Eliza is a good name too and I don't think of "lie" when I hear it. Elise is a nice option too and could still be Ezzie. But if you love Esme then use it.
Personally I prefer Eliza
Elsie, Elise, Esmerelda ( with esme as nn),
I think you're overthinking it.
Call her what you like. If they do ever question it, just say, I liked it for dd1, dad didn't, so we chose Eliza instead.
By the time dd2 came around, we both liked Esme, so called dd2 that. Or you could just say that when dd1 turned up, she didn't look like an Esme.
I don't think it will be a big issue. I wouldn't put dd1s name as a middle name either, tbh, unless you particularly want to.
By the way DH has just vetoed my second favourite girls name for DD2 so I get that it's disappointing when you can't use a name you've got your heart set on. I don't want him to have to put up with a name he's not keen on though so back to the drawing board!
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