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Name regret ..

(15 Posts)
daisy902 Wed 03-Dec-14 13:30:55

Hi

Having a difficult few weeks so though some feedback may help me. I am feeling very down (regretful/upset) about my lo's name. She is 3 now so obviously knows and says her name but I always regret not naming her my first choice (her middle name).
After she was born I suffered greatly with pnd and even though I knew her name wasnt quite right I didn't trust myself to change it in the first few weeks as worried that it was my emotions. I also thought if I changed it or started calling her by her middle name she wouldn't be "perfect" as I would already have failed in some way as a mother by getting her name wrong initially (as crazy as that sounds). Anyway, it has never felt right and I just feel so sad that I didn't just go with my gut instinct and change it after a few weeks. I struggled terribly with this for the first year and thought I was over it but keep meeting children with the name I love which makes me so sad. Her name was chosen by my oh and not really ever one I would have picked. Not sure what I am looking for but any thoughts/advice would be lovely to hear...

dottytablecloth Wed 03-Dec-14 13:49:37

I'm sorry for how you are feeling. It I don't think you can change a 3 year olds name [confused

It would be awful if she picked up on your sadness over her name and made her dislike it too.

Are you able to share her name? I'm sure it's gorgeous!

elisio1 Wed 03-Dec-14 14:01:32

Hi, just wanted to say you're not alone!
I have twins- boy and girl-who I also named in the throes of ante and post-natal depression. I don't hate their names but know that, if I'd been my normal name-geek self at the time, I would have tried much harder and given them names I love rather than just being good enough.
So I do understand what you are saying.
I am still considering changing their names, or at least adding more interesting names as middle names. They are 17 months - so changing them would not be a small thing even at this stage.But I still might do it!

Could you add the name you love as a middle name. Then at least it's in the name somewhere? Then, once you've done it, you could maybe try calling her both names for a bit and see if the new name sounds ok?

It's hard to know how hard it would be for a 3 year old to adjust to a new name - probably not that hard. A few months' confusion, then it would probably all be fine. What do others think?

shakemysilliesout Wed 03-Dec-14 14:49:48

A lot of children at my nursery who are from outside uk originally / parents from outside uk have a couple of names they use. In some cases it's an 'English' name fir nursery and in some cases I don't know why, they just do. My point is that I know a lots of 4 yr Olds who use 2 or more names and cope well. Start using 2 names interchangeably for a bit.

GladysKnight Wed 03-Dec-14 18:23:32

Hey there - I'm guessing (from my own horrible 'regret' episodes that were really about my MH not the issues I obsessed over) that there's more going on here - that you might be on the edge of being a bit poorly? If so, please take steps and see if you can nip it in the bud eg go to the GP?

Re the name: if you really 'keep hearing' the one you say you prefer, just to let you know my 14 yo dd regularly complains her name is too common and she wishes it was more unusual...

Yes, I could have come up with something more original, but I don't think its importan. A happy loving mum is so much more important, such a shame to dwell on this. Do see if you can addfress your 'worryness', I do think thats' the most important thing brewcake

burgatroyd Wed 03-Dec-14 19:18:15

I think if it haunts you change the name. Its her middle name.

My DM is known by several names.
I changed dd2 name in first year and wish I could do I it again.... Only to relive the fun of naming baby.

If its been going on for three years start calling her new name.

daisy902 Thu 04-Dec-14 13:22:40

I just think I've left it all too late. Maybe I need to learn to accept it and move on. Its just something that really gets me down sadly.

brokenhearted55a Thu 04-Dec-14 18:35:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EATmum Thu 04-Dec-14 18:39:31

I regularly call my DD2 by her middle name. I think I'm the only person who does, but that kind of makes it special - between us. Could you just have it as your name for her?

daisy902 Thu 04-Dec-14 20:53:11

Did you do that from early on Eatmum? I always worry about what other people would think but its a lovely idea, would make it special for us

daisy902 Thu 04-Dec-14 20:54:04

I don't really want to share the name. If she loved it when older I would be really pleased so thats something to think about.

EATmum Thu 04-Dec-14 23:10:48

Hi Daisy - yes, I think from a fairly early age. I call her her 'proper' name too, but (maybe it's just me) I also call her loads of other different nicknames. But I regularly call her by her middle name - it was the name I would have chosen for her (it didn't work with our surname), and it's cool. I don't identify her by it (I don't think of her by that name), but I probably use it at least half the time and it's lovely. But so is she :-)

Nightstar Thu 04-Dec-14 23:19:19

Why not ask her? If she is three then she might very well have an opinion already?

Chances are she likes her name and is proud of it, but you could play a name game where she spends a day with the other name and see what she thinks?

My cousin uses her middle name as her first name, it's never been officially changed or anything, we just all call her by her middle name. People will adapt to what you want and it won't cause massive hassle in life if it is already her middle name.

Can I ask if you have discussed this with your OH? What are his feelings on the matter?

burgatroyd Fri 05-Dec-14 08:38:00

Seriously you can call her by her middle name. Some cultures use many names.

Three is not too late to change. Personally my dd was very attached to her name by four.

BlackberryandNettle Mon 08-Dec-14 12:39:59

Can you start calling her by her full first and middle name on a regular basis ie 'night night Eva Emily' to familiarise the middle name then change from there? So it just kind of evolves rather than confusing her? It might be a way to try out saying the name and letting people hear the name without it mattering if they slip up and use her first name.

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