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Wants to name after his dad

(7 Posts)
martie1 Sun 16-Nov-14 14:06:49

Hi all, im now 36+6 and DH and I have really avoided the name decision because we simply cannot agree. For many years my dh has wanted Mia and Thomas. I really dislike Mia for work reasons, I meet a lot of children. Thomas, I like though I am inclined to name him Tomas, as in the Irish spelling of it, as we are Irish. However dh's family just absolutely love to shorten names, and I am afraid if we named a boy Tomas, they would call him Tommy which I hate. And before anyone says, just correct them, they are not the sort of people who listen to corrections, everything is just made a laugh of.

Anyway, my dh then came up with a lot of very irish names for boys which I am not inclined to go with at all as I would prefer something Irish but well known so they don't spend their life correcting people. Then at the end of the summer he suggested his dad's first name. His dad is still alive. I don't really want this either because I want my child to have their own identity. His dad is quite well known for his opinionated nature and mannerisms and I just don't want a child to be lumbered with 'you're just like your grandfather.' Its a nice enough name, one I could live with also but I just don't love it.

I am set on two boys names that DH says he does not want. He told me last week that I could just decide since we are never going to agree. This was said in a genuine but disappointed way. I then asked him about his dad's name since he mentioned it again. It was only then that I elicited from him that he really wanted to name after his dad, that it meant a lot to him however I am not so sure I believe him on this especially since I more or less pushed him on why he was so set on naming after his dad. He didn't volunteer the information to me. I never really thought naming after his dad would mean a lot to him, so I was quite surprised at him telling me that it did mean a lot to him. They have a good enough relationship but they both drive each other crazy most of the time. To me I wonder if he only suggested his dad's name after I had vetoed his other suggestions during the summer.

The best bit is, we don't even know what we are having! Boy or girl! As for a girls name, I really don't love anything but my dh has a few suggestions I could be happy with.

My dh suggested last week too that I take the lead with girls names, and he do the boys but I would prefer to name a boy!

Help? Any suggestions? Should I just go ahead with his dad's name, also knowing that it will be abbreviated by his family which will drive me nuts. Also we can't really think of a good second name if we name after his dad, since my dad's name really doesn't go well with it.

This is super confusing and I am afraid this baby will be nameless for weeks!

Castlemilk Sun 16-Nov-14 14:38:30

No, I think the downsides to going with his dad's name are very real. Your post indicates they are a bit pushy in general... I think you might regret that. Why not compromise with his Dad's name as a middle name?

There's also the fact that a lot of people really don't like naming after a living relative and think it's bad luck. His dad may not even be 100% comfortable with it...

Dad's name as a middle name.
For first name, back to drawing board. Ask your DH to look at your names and see if they suggest other names he likes better. Make lists. Focus on it, don't avoid it.

martie1 Sun 16-Nov-14 15:36:17

Thanks castlemilk, actually ive always maintained that if it was a boy, his second name would definitely be DH's dad's name and if a girl, her second name would be my mum's name. So that's never really been an issue. i think you are right though, time to focus. Thanks smile

RRJRJR Sun 16-Nov-14 20:09:30

We went with my husbands Dads name, I said no at first but went with it in the end as it meant so much to him and I suppose I wanted him to feel happy and proud.
If you wanted your dad name also could you do husbands dad, a name you choose and then your fathers so he has two middle names.

makeminea6x Mon 17-Nov-14 07:05:58

Don't panic, didn't name my DS until after he was born! Then he just found a name of his own somehow, one that we'd never even considered.
I agree it's nice to use your FILs name as a middle name.

Mrsgrumble Mon 17-Nov-14 07:16:28

I think you aren't happy with dh fathers name so might regret it

Our DS is named after dh father but I love the name, love the nickname and there re four generations of it going back on census and probably longer. Dh had said to me years ago.

Couple of things.. I think my father is a bit hurt but luckily nephew has arrived since and named after my father. I will use my fathers as a middle name this time. Our problem this time is that I like a male version of dh mothers name and want to use that... Grr.. That's a bit unbalanced but the only name I actually like for a boy and due soon

Can you use a variant of his fathers name? Middle name?

martie1 Tue 18-Nov-14 16:42:39

RRJRJR I don't feel the necessity to name after my father too. I think if we had a second boy, then I would want him to have my father's name as his second name. Im hoping to have three children, so may get the opportunity to use my father's name. I do think its important to have the paternal grandfather's name used, for a first boy, but only as a second name unless its a long standing tradition in the family to name son after father and so on, its just not in DH's house.

MrsGrumble - you are in a bit of a pickle. But im taking all the advice given and think you should do the same and name your child a name you are happy with.

No variations of DH's father's name possible. I did at one time propose using a name which turned out to be his father's middle name, but it has no meaning for my dh and he's not taken with it.

You know I think im going to wait until this baby is born. it might be nameless for a few days, but I think we'll settle on a name eventually and it could even be DH's father's name, if i feel it suits. Im still in love with the two names I have though, one more so than the other.

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